My Son’s Health Journey & Crohn’s Diagnosis

I’m sharing my son’s Crohn’s diagnosis story today for several reasons. First, I hope that it will help another parent navigating their own child’s health journey. So many of us are going through this motherhood journey day-by-day and figuring it all out on our own, and I know how helpful it is for me when I see someone going through what I’m going through. We all pave little paths for one another. Second, I also hope this comforts other VEO-IBD warrior parents out there. It’s a lot, and we’re not alone.

First, I’ll share how we ended up with Luca’s Crohn’s diagnosis, how we’re treating it, how he’s doing, and what the future looks like for him (and our family.)

What is IBD?

Before we get into Luca’s story, let’s chat briefly about what Crohn’s and “VEO-IBD” means. Essentially, IBD is an umbrella term and stands for Inflammatory Bowel Disease. At its basic definition, IBD is a condition in which there is chronic or recurring inflammation of the gastrointestinal (GI) tract. Your GI tract is the system of organs that food passes through as it’s digested and absorbed.

Within IBD there are several types that present slightly differently, affect different parts of the GI tract, and are treated differently. The two main IBD types that are most common are ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease.

IBD is treated with medications (everything from steroids to biologic medications infused via IV) and of course, diet (which I’ll get to.)  While these diseases can go fully into remission, they cannot be “cured” and thus are known as lifelong autoimmune diseases. They also don’t know exactly what causes IBD, but they do claim that there is a genetic component (none of our families have any known history of IBD.)

VEO-IBD stands for “Very Early Onset IBD,” and is classified for those diagnosed with IBD ages 6 and younger. Even though Luca was officially diagnosed at 7, his symptoms and his journey started at 6 and thus, his disease is categorized as such.

Luca’s Crohn’s Diagnosis Journey

Luca’s diagnosis took a while, because he didn’t have the classic indicators or symptoms of IBD (such as failure to grow, persistent abdominal pain, diarrhea, constipation, poop urgency, etc.)

For anyone that knows Luca personally or for those of you who have been following along since he was born, Luca was always a very athletic, coordinated, and active kid. He rode a scooter by the time he was 18 months old, was running down a soccer field dribbling a ball at 23 months old, and rode his bike before age 3.

Then, last year, in late March of 2024, at 6 years old, he got COVID (this was the second time he had the virus.) He was asymptomatic the entire time, and I only knew he had it because I tested him after I had tested positive myself. Then, about 2-3 weeks later, he woke up on a Monday and couldn’t walk down the stairs (we lived in a 3-story brownstone at the time) due to pain in his knees. I was shocked, but I thought maybe he got an injury playing or during after school sports. With a pretty severe limp, we walked to school (it was about a 5 minute walk.) When I picked him up from school, he was still complaining about his knees. His teacher said he sat out during recess. That was not the Luca I knew, so I called the pediatrician immediately and they said to wait a couple of days to see if he got better and if not, I made an appointment for the end of the week.

All week, I had to push Luca in our stroller (which I was using to push my 2 year old twins to school at the time.) He didn’t get better, only seemingly worse. He couldn’t run and he was very frustrated. It was so sad to see him like that, because as I said, Luca was always the most tenacious- if not the fastest – on the field.

After the pediatrician examined him, they said everything appears normal and referred us to an orthopedic surgeon. The next week, we visited the surgeon, had x-rays done, and she ultimately said “his bones look fine, wait 2 weeks and if he doesn’t get better, get some bloodwork done.” Well, after 2 weeks, it wasn’t getting better, so we booked an appointment with a hematologist, got the bloodwork drawn, and waited for the results. Now, he was laying down after school and started to seem fatigued more easily.

Finding out Luca was anemic

By May, the results of the bloodwork showed us that his inflammation markers were very high and he was anemic, with a very low iron count. The hematologist told us to start an oral iron supplement and monitor his iron levels and to get repeat bloodwork in 4-6 weeks. In the meantime, the pediatrician recommended seeing a rheumatologist. The physical exam determined nothing and she ordered some bloodwork to test for some autoimmune issues (I guess to test for juvenile arthritis and rheumatoid arthritis.) All negative.

We moved to our first house in a new town in June and over the summer, Luca was at summer camp. We did some bloodwork and his iron levels were barely crawling up and his inflammation markers were still so high. Over the summer, he had intermittent knee pain and sometimes it would hurt in his hips or his ankles or his shins. It wasn’t ever as bad as it was that first time, but it was there. Also, once in July and once in August, he came home with dirty underwear because he had a poop accident (keep in mind he’s almost 7 at this point and had never had something like that happen since he was potty trained.)

Seeing the Gastroenterologist

Finally, his iron levels got to a near normal range by September, but it didn’t sit right with me. Why was he anemic? Where did the joint pain come from? Originally, my hematologist had recommended seeing a gastroenterologist “eventually” if the iron didn’t go up. Well, despite it going up after about 4 months of oral iron, I needed answers. Luca’s joint pain stopped, but I did notice that he was having really hard stools and he just didn’t look like himself – he was pale, had red rings around his eyes, he was skinnier than ever, and he was about to start school and turn 7 years old.

I booked the appointment with the gastro doctor and he said that Luca wasn’t presenting any symptoms of IBS or IBD and that he’s probably okay but if I’d like to get a stool test, he’s happy to do one. Of course, I said yes! And sure enough, after we sent the poop out (the things mothers do!) the results came back and showed microscopic blood in his stool (it’s the “fecal occult blood test.”) Then, the calprotectin test results came back which measure the amount of calprotectin in your stool and high levels are a sign of intestinal inflammation. Sure enough, they were elevated enough (at about 600, whereas normal for kids is <100.)

From there, the gastro doctor ordered an upper endoscopy and colonoscopy. Just before Thanksgiving, I took Luca myself to this appointment and waited for the doctor to see me as Luca woke up from the anesthesia. He sat in the room and I’ll never forget his face looking very serious and he explained that while his endoscopy looked perfect, his colonoscopy showed severe inflammation in the colon, particularly the terminal ileum (the part that connects the small intestine to the large intestine) and an intestinal stricture (which is basically the narrowing of the intestine which can lead to a blockage that will require hospitalization, surgery, etc.) Not good. He said he finds these results indicative of Crohn’s disease.

I just remember wanting him to stop talking so I could reach for my phone and Google “kids and Crohn’s disease,” because a) I don’t know a single adult with Crohn’s disease, let alone a child and b) I had no idea what Crohn’s disease was! This wasn’t part of the plan. I didn’t know what his life would look like, how it would impact his love for sports, or anything. It was overwhelming, I was in the doctor’s room alone, and after he left and I waited for Luca to wake up, I cried (very quietly) in the waiting room. I remember seeing Luca afterwards and I gave him the longest hug. I knew I had to be strong and that this would be a very, very long journey with many highs and lows.

Getting a diagnosis

The next steps were to wait for the biopsy results and get an MRI, because the doctor’s scope couldn’t get as far as they would’ve liked, because of his stricture (that narrowing of the intestine.) A few days later, the biopsy results were not “totally” indicative of Crohn’s, so he really recommended we get an MRI to confirm the diagnosis. And more bloodwork, more waiting for results.

The MRI was done and that’s when I scheduled a second opinion visit at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP.) With all of our MRI results, colonoscopy imagery and biopsy results, the doctors at CHOP also agreed with the Crohn’s diagnosis. However, there was one rare genetic disorder it could be and they wanted to rule that out. That’s when we had to wait MONTHS to get the blood test done (we tried FOUR times and the lab kept mishandling the blood sample.)

This past February, on President’s Day, Luca went to CHOP for this final blood test and a partial colonoscopy to look at something they found on the MRI (it ended up being nothing) and from this, we got our official Crohn’s diagnosis on Valentine’s Day 2025. Woof. It took 10 months to get the official diagnosis but once we did, I went into fight mode.

How we’re treating Luca’s Crohn’s Disease

To treat Crohn’s disease, there are three options: food, medicine, or food & medicine together. Ideally, I would love to treat Luca’s Crohn’s strictly through diet but it’s difficult to do with a 7 year old who’s constantly at birthday parties, play dates, school parties, and just…. living a normal childhood. I don’t want him to look back on his life and say he feels like he missed out, so for now, I’m picking what feels most feasible, most safe, and best for his stage of life: food and medicine.

Right now, we started him on a drug called Remicade (he’s taking the generic called Inflectra) which is Infliximab, used to treat autoimmune and inflammatory diseases. It’s administered via IV at the hospital once a month. The goal is to spread out the infusions/lessen the dosage of medicine if his inflammation gets under control (so he only has to go every 6 weeks or every 8 weeks.)

In terms of diet, a week before his first infusion, I started him on a gluten free and dairy free diet, just to experiment with popular triggers. Within days, his stools were softer and he was hungrier. Then, someone in a support group for kids with VEO-IBD recommended reading the book Breaking the Vicious Cycle: Diet for Crohn’s Disease, Ulcerative Colitis, Diverticulitis, Celiac Disease, Cystic Fibrosis and Chronic Diarrhea. Talk about a mind blower! Upon further research and talks with other parents of kids with Crohn’s, I decided to dive into the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD), a diet that restricts complex carbohydrates, such as grains, starchy vegetables (like potatoes), and all processed foods. Essentially, it’s a whole foods diet that eliminates starchy vegetables and grains.

While it may seem that it’s restrictive, since being on this diet and his first two infusions, he has gained almost 3 pounds in 3 weeks! His stools are normal, he has no abdominal pain, he has his appetite back, and the redness around his eyes has faded away.

So for now, the plan is to stick to the SCD diet as closely as we can without driving everyone crazy. It’s actually pretty amazing, he’s eating a larger variety of foods than he’s ever eaten even though we’ve restricted so many foods. It’s been eye-opening to say the least. Tonight we’re having rutabaga fries with lamb chops and roasted string beans. It’s almost like his taste buds have changed (no more refined sugar) and now he’s able to taste how delicious real food tastes.

A sample daily menu for Luca:

• Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with homemade cashew bread toasted with butter and fruit
• Snack: Yogurt with fruit and grain-free granola
• Lunch: Cheddar grilled cheese (on homemade bread) with beet “chips” and gummies
• Snack: Homemade waffle with almond butter
• Dinner: Lamb chops with rutabaga fries and roasted string beans
• Dessert: Homemade chocolate chip cookie and grapes

I’ve had a lot of fun coming up with family-friendly meals for all of us, and Luca is feeling so much better.

How Luca is feeling

Speaking of, Luca is feeling great. Just the other day (about 2.5 weeks into eating this way and starting the biologic), Luca couldn’t button his pants in the morning! He’s putting on weight, his color in his face is back, and he seems much less irritable. For the past few months, I’d pick Luca up from school he would always seem unhappy or upset despite having any real “reason” for his mood. Well the reason was his gut!

Now, what I’ve learned the most about is the gut-brain axis and serotonin being started in your gut. Well, everything starts from our guts and if your gut is off, the gut-brain axis is off and our moods, our anxieties, our energies, our everything is thrown off. Here’s a wonderful explanation of the gut-brain axis, in case you’re interested in learning more.

As for his perspective on his Crohn’s diagnosis and this diet he’s on, he has his moments. He will say that it’s “unfair” that other kids and his siblings can eat whatever they want. In those moments, I simply say, “You’re right. It’s unfair that your body did this to you, but once you heal yourself, you can reintroduce some of these fun foods.” And if he’s not taking that bait, I’ll always say, “Okay, Luca, have the cupcake. It’s your body and it’s your choice, I am here to tell you what’s the good choice for your body, but you can do what you want.” And whenever I say that, he makes the good choices, because he knows how those foods make him feel now, and I think he just wants autonomy, which I get. While we’re only a few weeks into this diet, he is doing really well with it and hasn’t give me that much pushback.

Spring soccer starts soon, and I am so excited to see how he does, since he hasn’t played a heavy running sport since the fall (he played basketball over the winter, but at this age, they aren’t really sprinting up and down the court yet and it’s mostly clinic-style.) I’m hoping he doesn’t have joint pain and that he isn’t as winded because his body isn’t fighting inflammation any longer.

Moving Forward: What the Future Looks Like

For right now, we’re in the hospital every 4 weeks for infusions and at home, we’re sticking to the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. Coming up, I have appointments with a functional medicine doctor to look at Luca’s health more holistically and give him more tools in his toolbox. Also, I have an appointment coming up with a pediatric nutritionist to dive deeper into these diet changes and make sure she’s getting all the nutrients he needs. Luckily, now that he’s on a treatment path for his Crohn’s disease, he can finally start to actually absorb the nutrients from his foods instead of just losing them from malabsorption.

For larger procedures and questions, we’re still going to Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, but for the day to day check ups and infusions, we’re staying local here in New Jersey.

In the future, I’d love to be fully off the biologic and just rely on diet. For a 7 year old, I think that’s a tough goal, but I’m going to take it day by day and teach Luca how to feed his body properly. I would love to reintroduce some foods once his gut is healed, so it’s a little easier on him socially.

I’m monitoring my other children closely, because research shows that Crohn’s disease has a genetic component and often affects multiple kids in the family (and we’ve got 4, so our chances are higher!)

Overall, I’m feeling positive but I know that this will not be a linear journey, and I know that there will be many ups and downs, especially when he’s older. I can control most of his food intake and lifestyle now because he’s only 7 years old, but once he’s older and “on his own” a bit more, I’m already feeling nervous. But, I’m a big day by day kind of person, so that’s where we are!

And of course, Crohn’s and family friendly recipes from yours truly coming soon.

Support Luca and Fundraise For IBD Research & Support

I hope this was encouraging and helpful for many of you navigating similar paths with your kids (or, yourselves!) I am learning more and more everyday and have found the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation website to be so helpful. They even have this interactive GI tract guide that helped me understand the parts of our bodies more and to visually explain things to Luca.

If you’d like to help support Luca, we’re taking part in Take Steps, the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation’s signature fundraising event, walking together to raise critical funds for research, education, support, and advocacy efforts for IBD.

We’ve started a fundraising team for Luca called the Luca Dawgs (our town’s mascot but also Luca desperately wants a dog, so everything is dog-themed lately, ha!) Even $1 is helpful in achieving his fundraising goal and anything is appreciated!

The post My Son’s Health Journey & Crohn’s Diagnosis appeared first on Inspiralized.

I know all the reasons NOT to make them. Many people say that January 1 is just arbitrary (purely based off the calendar) and we might put too much pressure on ourselves to make goals OR worse, we’ll wait until the New Year to goal set, when in reality, we might be ready before then and the calendar is stunting our potential to grow during the rest of the year. Furthermore, many people scramble to set their resolutions before December 31st which is insanity to me, because the holiday season is so chaotic and busy that my brain is mush by December 31st.

Whatever your feelings about the New Year are, mine are this: the new year feels cathartic to me in an inexplicable way (other than the obvious: it’s the first of the year.) And for me, I’ve always made them in a way that feels exciting, not stifling. Over the years, I’ve learned how to better stick to my New Year’s resolutions (and goals, in general), and I’m happy to share that with you today, along with my personal resolutions/goals/intentions for 2025.

I also used to always use New Year’s resolutions to set weight loss goals. For pretty much all of my 20s and admittedly maybe a year or so of my first 30s, every New Year I’d just say, “I’m going to get in the best shape of my life this year and lose X amount of pounds!” What I didn’t realize was this: A goal without a plan is just a dream. (I didn’t coin that phrase, by the way.) I’d set this typically lofty goal and never really take the time to sit down and formulate a plan. And when I did start making plans, they weren’t thorough, they didn’t have a great foundation, and I just never set myself up for success.

Atomic Habits: A Gamechanger For Achieving Goals and Creating Life-Changing Habits

Then, I read Atomic Habits a few years ago and my goal setting changed forever. I really recommend the book, I’m actually in the process of re-reading and updating my highlights and notes in the book. I alway find new nuggets of helpful tips in there. Essentially, I’ve coupled his research backed way of goal setting and achieving with what suits my personality and lifestyle.

There are four main takeaways from that book that I’ve really internalized:

1. When you set a goal, think not about the goal itself, but the kind of person that would achieve such a goal. And then work on becoming that person by creating habits that support becoming that person and therefore achieving the goal.
2. Visualizing and mapping out the achievement of your goal with micro deadlines and tracking.
3. Making the habits “obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying” (read the book for a more in-depth explanation – it’s pretty fascinating and effective!)
4. Habit stacking (the art of adding new habits right before/after/alongside existing habits so they eventually become a behavioral habit.)

Make Goal Adjustments To Accommodate The Year

The other tip that has been personally helpful for me is looking at the 12 months ahead (or 6 months, or whatever monthly segment you want to look at) and adjust the plan for achieving your goals based on what you have going on during those months. I love to use Evernote or the Notes app on my phone for tracking. For example, let’s say you have an overarching goal of “Losing 20 pounds this year.” But then you look at your year and you have a hernia surgery in February, a lot of travel for work in April, your kids are home for summer, and then you’re renovating your kitchen in October. And these are just the life happenings we know about ahead of time!

So what I’d do here is I’d commit to sticking to my formulated goal plan (aka setting up habits to become the person that would achieve that goal!) during the months when I know I have the time and energy to do so – no ifs, and or buts, just do it! Then, during those other months, figure out different habits to workaround the obstacles.

Let’s continue with my example: If you have a hernia surgery in February, maybe you spend February focusing on your diet and developing good routines around that. Then, if you have that plan in place, you won’t get derailed from your goal and can hop right back in March! And so forth… There are so many seasons, stages, and phases of life – you can’t expect to stay on track of your goal 24/7, it’s a recipe for failure!

Last but not least, don’t be afraid to pivot. Don’t feel ashamed when you don’t accomplish a goal (we can’t achieve all of our goals, after all.) Look back at your plan, assess and reassess, and see if it’s a goal that a) you still want to achieve, b) if it’s attainable with your current season of life, and c) adjust it with perhaps a more thorough plan, a different plan, or adjust the goal itself. Typically, I’ll set a calendar reminder at the end of each month to spend 15 minutes to do this “assessment.” Sometimes, I decide a goal I set isn’t even a priority for me and I ditch it!

My 2025 New Year’s Resolutions (and my plans to achieve them!)

Now on to the good stuff: my resolutions! I’m going to share the short and sweet version of my plans to achieve each goal/resolution, for further inspiration. However, my word of the year is SLEEP. I think that if I can get better sleep, I can become better. So sleep is my #1 priority for 2025.

1. Get 7-8 hours of sleep every night.

Someone who gets 8 hours of sleep a night goes to bed earlier. To go to bed earlier, I plan on being more strict with my kids’ bedtime so that by the time I’m down with the nighttime routine, it’s 8:15pm and I can have that “time” to myself to do whatever I want (watch a show, catch up on my phone, etc.) Also, I will set a timer for 9:00pm and deploy the “5 second rule” from Mel Robbins. This will ensure that I’m in bed by 9:15pm with my magnesium and a good book (see my book-related resolution.) Lights out at 9:45pm.

To start, I’m going to set the goal for 9:30pm – 9:45pm – 10:15pm and work my way up to that 9pm goal. Since my previous bedtime was 11:30pm, I know I need a little time to work up to that 9pm bedtime.

2. Wake up at 5:30am for morning workouts.

Someone who wakes up at 5:30am gets good sleep, so I’m already on track with my overall goal of better sleep. To make that 5:30am goal, I will do a few things:
– Put my phone in my bathroom with that 5:30am alarm.
– Set my workout clothes out in the bathroom.
– Program the coffee machine the night before.
– Know my workout for that day (I’m on a progressive overload program so I have a program I follow for 6 weeks.)

3. Read 12 books a year.

To help with this goal, I started a book club with 2 friends. We talk about the book as we read it but also set a date each month to meet and chat about the book. I’d love to read more than 12 books, but I know 12 is more realistic. Having a buddy system for this goal is really effective, and I’m excited to replace a lot of mindless phone scrolling with reading. I especially love this goal because I find that I spend a lot of my “free time” on my phone meal planning, grocery shopping, etc, and while that’s productive, I don’t want my kids to see me using my “free time” on my phone (they don’t know what I’m doing, but they just see me on my phone) – I want them to see me reading, which ultimately will help with their love of reading.

4. Take my AG1 everyday.

I’m going to habit stack this. I’m going to drink this before I pick the twins up from school at 1pm. I’ll make it before I get into the car and sip it on the way to pickup. I found the hardest part about drinking AG1 for me is finding the time to do it and I clearly need a specific time of day that I drink it. But I want to be more committed to a vitamin routine and I love the taste of AG1 and it has everything my body needs.

5. Walk for 20 minutes every weekday.

This is a tough one to accomplish when you live somewhere with cold winters. I’m not interested in walking in freezing temperatures, no matter what my outfit. I hate cold cheeks! So for the winter, I’m going to have to do these on my treadmill. To get myself to do this, I purchased a laptop tray for my treadmill to do work while I walk and based on what I have going on each day, I’ll schedule those 20 minutes in my calendar. I found a laptop tray that’s compatible with the Peloton tread (which I have) and have ordered it.

6. Build a consistent stretching routine.

By waking up at 5:30am, it’ll give me that extra 10 minutes after my workout to stretch. I love stretching after workouts not only because it feels good, but it’s a good habit stack since I’ll already be working out at that time. Waking up in general will set me up for a lot more success during the day, and I am physically inflexible which has caused issues with my pelvic floor, so I’m excited to commit to this this year, now that I’ve really found my stride with fitness over the past year.

So what do you think? What are you working on this year?

The post What I’ve Learned About Sticking To My Goals (and My 2025 Resolutions!) appeared first on Inspiralized.

My Restaurant Activity & Toy Bag: What I Pack For My Kids

Let me preface this post by saying that you do not need any of these things. You can simply pack your kids up, go to a restaurant, and be. However, if you have four very energetic, curious, and young neurotypical kids as I do and want something to keep them occupied while you have an adult conversation, I’ve got you!

Also, no shame at all to the parents who bring iPads/devices to restaurants. Whatever works for your family is all that matters! We have a dear friend who’s child is neurodivergent and the only way they can survive a meal out is with headphones and an iPad. Everyone is different and whatever lets you sip your coffee, wine, or mocktail in peace is all that matters!

If you’re new here, I have 4 kids currently and this post is written for them at their ages of 3, 3, 5, and 7. I’m sure this list will change as they’re all a bit older (and one day I won’t need a restaurant bag!)

A few things about this restaurant bag:

• It’s a backpack! I find it’s easier to carry (I’m usually carrying a toddler, so those big shoulder totes get too clumsy.)
• I always pack the basics in there along with the toys and activities – hand sanitizer and baby wipes.
• I try to keep it simple – drawing, stickers, building.
• I always pack this bag on a Friday so that it’s ready for the weekend! It might need a mid-weekend purge/repack if we’re going out a lot in one weekend, but it usually stays in the car and I bring it back in on Sunday evening.
• I like to add something new or exciting each week – this can be simple, like one weekend I put some Bandaids in a change purse. THE LEVEL OF EXCITEMENT!
• Avoid something that will be very messy for restaurant servers – like slime. Playdough can even get a little dicey. It’s also age dependent (my 5 & 7 year olds can handle Playdough, but it’s tough to do with my 3 year old twins.) Or, be prepared to clean up a lot during/after your meal.

What’s In My Restaurant Activity & Toy Bag

• Blank drawing pads: I love these, because the sheets rip out easily, but it’s all contained in one place.
• Mess-free marker activity books: These are especially good for my 3 year old twins but they don’t quite excite my older kids as much.
• Retractable markers: these are easier for me to keep in order in my bag, because I don’t have to go searching for marker caps.
• Silky crayons: my older kids love silky crayons (they’re more sensorially exciting than standard crayons)
• Retractable coloring pencils: you never need a sharpener!
• Stickers: honestly my kids just always go crazy for stickers. They’ll stick them on our arms or on a piece of paper, a doll, a car, whatever.
• Coloring pages: I will print a few of these out – I find that my kids will rarely color from a coloring book, but they love a printed coloring page (I think it’s the weight of the paper?) I love iHeartCraftyThings.com for hers!
• Puzzle books: my oldest LOVES these puzzle books, and he’s usually working on one, so we’ll throw it in the bag.
• Mini magnetic blocks: these blocks are wonderful, but they’re pretty small, so be sure to check your surroundings before you leave (they’re easy to leave behind!) They come with a little building guide with examples, but my kids love to free build.
• Magnetic men: when you get to a restaurant and the table is metal, you know it’s going to be a good mealtime. These magnetic men are great, they stick on most silverware, but they’re great too on those metal tables or chairs.
• Handheld water game: I’m not sure what to even call this, but it’s nostalgic, and my older kids love these.
• Sticker books: my daughter adores these sticker books and they’re definitely better for that 5+ age range (for full self-sufficiency.)
• Water color books: these are great for restaurants, because you don’t have to bring extra paints – everything is within the coloring book!
• A book: a scratch and sniff, a lift the flap, or a seasonal book (loving this one!) is always in there. This just requires more one-on-one time. Once the older kids are fluent readers, I’ll definitely bring books for them in the bag.
• Legos: I’ll throw a handful of Legos in a Stasher bag with a 10 x 10 baseplate.
• Playdough: if you dare! Jokes aside, my kids are actually pretty good with Playdough, and it’s generally easy to clean up. I draw a hard line at slime!

I hope you found this post helpful! 

The post My Restaurant Activity & Toy Bag: What I Pack For My Kids appeared first on Inspiralized.

Q&A With The Author of Hunt, Gather, Parent

As you may know by now (especially if you’ve read my initial post on Hunt, Gather, Parent), I am a big fan of Michaeleen Doucleff’s book. I’m always looking for ways to raise better people and simplify the parental experience. I found this all in Doucleff’s book. I keep it at my desk and find myself turning to it often.

Many of you had questions about her philosophy (as did I), and she kindly answered your questions that you submitted through Instagram. So, let’s get those questions answered.

Hi Michaeleen! I recently finished your book and got so much value from it as a parent of two children ages 2 and 4. Thank you so much for your work. One part that I found tricky to grapple with was your suggestion to remove (most) toys from the home. I am an early childhood educator, and believe that “play is the work of childhood.” I’m pretty thoughtful about what comes into our home, so wondered what your perspective is on play?

Thank you so much for this thoughtful question. I totally agree that play is the “work” of children. Historically, play is the way children have learned the work of their parents– e.g. how to forage for tubers, how to use a bow and arrow, how to hunt, how to sew, how to cook. As the psychologist Suzanne Gaskins explained: children turn to play (and are pointed to play by their parents) when they don’t have access to the real world, when they’re not ready to help their parents directly but are still practicing.

That all said, children do not need toys (or very many) to play. In fact, they didn’t have them for thousands of years. Having many toys around the home is a very recent phenomenon. As I explain in the book, parents buying toys for children really started toward the end of the Industrial Revolution when companies realized they could make a lot of money selling toys (and having a room devoted only to toys is really only decades old). Before then, children made their own toys. They made them out of items around the home or outside. Or they played with adult items that weren’t needed anymore or were downsized for a child. Here the “toy” has a clear purpose: to teach an adult skill.

For example, in Tanzania, dads made miniature bow and arrows for the toddlers to carry around and practice. Or up in the Arctic, parents gave children old, dull harpoon ends, as well as wooden boxes, to practice “whale” harpooning. Children also practiced hunting together by catching ground moles (again, you can see here how play has a clear purpose: to teach an adult skill). When we were in the Yucatan, a Maya mom gave Rosy a little piece of dough to practice tortilla making. In Western society, parents would give kids little pieces of discarded clothes and sewing needles so they could practice mending and making cloth.

Otherwise, toys from a parent just aren’t necessary. If you have them, I don’t think it’s going to hurt the child. But they do have a downside or cost for many families.

In our family, they cause conflict because my husband and I end up cleaning them up. And I don’t like the clutter. They took up coveted space in our tiny San Franciscan home. I also like our home looking mature and not like a playhouse. So we limited the toys to the ones that Rosy regularly cleaned up herself and took care of. So really it was up to her what toys she has. And it ended up being very little.

Toys also take up time. Personally, I would rather have Rosy play outside (where “toys” are everywhere!). Or focus her indoor time on learning the skills of an adult (reading, writing, cooking) or a hobby for relaxation and teaching focus (knitting, painting, coloring, taking care of animals).

I am interested, how this would be different for only children than for those with siblings. I imagine that there may still be some need for only children to have some child centric activities for socialization with their peers and play skills. I have a five-year-old only child, and he asks for a friend or another kid to play with often if it has been sometime since the last play date or kid outing.

I have thought about this question so much because Rosy is an only child, as well. At first, I felt the same as you. But over time, I’ve realized that only children don’t need more child-centered activities. What they need is more socialization – just like your son is asking for! He is very smart and knows what he needs. And more socialization doesn’t need to involve child-centric activities.

When you travel around the world, you see that kids spend an enormous amount of their free time surrounded by other kids. After about age 3, they spend almost all their time with other kids, of all ages, playing. The rest of their time is spent helping adults. And so with Rosy, I’ve really focused on giving her that – as many opportunities as possible to be around other kids. We open our home to the neighbor kids, invite kids over, take other kids to the park and beach. We make having kids over and being with other kids a top priority.

Unless you sit around watching and playing with the kids yourself, having kids over isn’t child-centered. In fact, it’s the opposite if you let children have autonomy (with minimal interference). Then you can have autonomy as well!

Another great way to bring more socialization into your child’s life is to build an “auntie” network where you work with one or two other families to raise your kids. This brings “cousins” into your family – that is, other kids who become like relatives. But it also brings in alloparents to support the child and to support you! To learn about how to make an auntie network (which I think is really essentially for only children and their parents), read the practical tips sections for the chapter on alloparenting in Hunt, Gather, Parent (Chapter 15)

Hi! I’m reading this book too based on your rec. question for the author: – Do we think this works with neurodivergent kids? – Our OT suggested specific praise/narration consistently to build self worth in the child. I worry your books strategy will erode self worth /confidence by no verbal affirmation and the slightly negative insinuation he’s a “baby” by not helping – Ideas for when you truly HAVE to do something? Thanks

This is a wonderful question. Broadly speaking, absolutely, the main techniques in the Hunt, Gather, Parent — that is the TEAM method (Togetherness, Encouragement, Autonomy, and Minimal interference)— works with neurodivergent kids. Parents all over the world raise neurodivergent kids, and they use this same approach. In fact, I’ve had psychologists tell me that these parenting elements are even more important for many neurodivergent kids. There’s a member of our family, who’s on the autism spectrum, and I’ve found that using the TEAM approach with them has greatly improved our relationship and reduced conflict.

That said, not every specific tool or tip is going to work with every kid. When I travel, and ask parents about whether a method works, they often say, “Well, it depends on the child.” Parents often know exactly how each of their children responds to different motivational tools or parenting strategies. And of course, what a child responds to can shift over time as they grow. So it’s great to observe and then be flexible.

The goal of Hunt, Gather, Parent is to greatly expand your tool box of parenting strategies and tips. So you can experiment a bit and see what resonates with your child. (I also hope the book gives you power and courage to try approaches that parents use all over the world but have been forgotten or even shunned in our society. And to question some of the methods that are presented to us as absolutely required to raise a healthy kid.)

On the topic of praise. Our society, including many clinicians, have decided that children absolutely require praise to have good self-worth. But this idea is outdated, and the scientific evidence simply doesn’t support it. In fact, many cross-cultural psychologists would argue that praise is not the best tool for building self-worth. Inclusion, connection, and contributions are more powerful approaches. Chapters 5 and 6 is a great place to learn more about this.

Research also shows that confidence doesn’t come from praise. What is, arguably, most important for confidence is autonomy— that is, the child feeling like they have a sense of control over their lives. For confidence, I would focus on learning to give the child more autonomy, such as building environments in and around the home where the child can move freely without your supervision (or with only minimal interference), teaching the child skills to have that autonomy (teaching what’s safe and not safe and then practicing that), and going to outdoor places where they can do this. Also, I would learn how to interfere minimally with a child’s activities.

That all said, you are the true expert of your child. As one mom in the Arctic told me: “If something will improve your relationship with your child, do it! If it will hurt your relationship, try another strategy.”

I really enjoyed the book. It was extremely relatable with attainable strategies to adopt. I find that I lean in to the guidance immediately after reading, but tend to “lapse” as time goes on. Since writing the book, what guidance/strategies have stuck most for you as a parent?

Thank you so much. I have the same problem! In fact, while writing the book, I would often go back and re-read the Inuit section to help my anger “relapses.” So I would say, these lapses are totally normal. Because you are changing a habit and a way of thinking about children that you learned from your own parents and society. Both of these are not easy to change.

So I would say go easy on yourself and don’t give up. The great part about parenting is that tomorrow you will have another chance to try again. The opportunities are endless to change and refine.

Also, maybe reread the passages of the book that speak to the ideas you’re trying to reframe. And try talking about your new strategies with friends or your partner. I find that telling others about what I’m trying to do really helps me execute my plan.. Oftentimes I’ll even tell Rosy about new parenting strategies and ask her for help. Maybe I’ll say something like “I’m trying not to yell when I’m angry. Can you tell me when I’m forgetting or relapsing into my own ways.” Boy, is she good at reminding me! And then when I mess up, I just apologize. “Oh, Rosy, you’re right. I’m sorry I’m getting angry. There’s a better way to handle this. And I’m sorry.” (and she gets a nice dose of modeling!)

Finally, remember that small changes can have huge effects on children. The fact that you “lapse” is so much less important than the fact that you’re giving your child opportunities to contribute and help their family. Or you’re giving them the opportunity to see a parent calm and not yell in a stressful situation. Kids don’t need perfection. They just need parents who are real and show real emotions. And are trying to be respectful and cooperative.

I’m intrigued by this book, but haven’t read it yet (I’m on a wait list for it from the library lol). I have an almost 6yo and 3yo. The 3yo has full rage meltdowns that can last for quite awhile and I’m wondering what other tactics might work? We’ve tried the “scripty” responses and validating feelings and all that, but I feel awful it takes her so long to get back to homeostasis. You can see when the release happens. It’s like a switch flips. Need more tactics to get the switch to flip sooner. Thank you!

I am not a big fan of the “scripty” parenting approach. I think kids know right away that’ it’s fake and not genuine. And itt can also come across quite condescending. They can smell condescending and disingenuity from a mile away. And also, all that talking is so stimulating for little children who are often way too stimulated anyway.

When a child is melting down, what they need is calm, calm, calm, calm energy. They need you to be as calm and quiet as possible, and then just to be near them. As I say in the book, “think Mr. Roger’s stoned.” I’m talking about as low energy as possible. (Saying all that “scripty” stuff is not low energy because words are stimulating for little kids.)

So the next time, there’s a meltdown, just go close to the child, slowly… and stand there quietly with the calmest energy possible. Maybe think about how you feel after having a massage. Maybe touch the child gently on the arm. But just be there with a calm energy. Quiet. Still. Quiet. Still.

I guarantee you, the child will calm down. Why? Children’s energy and emotions simply mirror their parents’ energy and emotion. So if you talk and have a strong, high energy, it will take much longer for the child to calm down. But if you are quiet, calm and still, the child will bring their energy down to match yours.

Here’s the amazing part. If you simply stand there, with the calmest energy in the world, the child will learn very quickly how to calm themselves. Because they are actually doing it on their own. You’re simply modeling it for them. So quickly, the tantrums will grow shorter and shorter in time and occur less frequently.

My daughter is 2 years 4 months and in the book it was hard to understand what tactics work with what age groups so can you talk more about that 2-3 age range? 2) screen time is never mentioned on the book, thoughts on that? do we limit it? do we “let the kid do what they want”? how do I handle my daughter constantly want to use my phone for youtube

You are totally right about the book not specifying ages often. That was intentional on my part. Because the tips really do work on kids of all ages, even adults. (Sometimes you need to tweak them a bit for older kids and adults, but it doesn’t take much). In addition, parents around the world tend not to focus so much on a child’s age but rather their skill level or own personal needs. Often, I would ask a parent about “what age can a child do” something, and they almost always said, “It depends on the child.” So parents learn what age is appropriate for a child by watching them and trying out various approaches.

For example, if a 13 year old has never helped with dinner then they will likely need the same strategies as a 3 year old who is just starting off, as well. So maybe think in terms of where they child is in the learning the process, instead of their age.

That all said, age 2, is a fantastic age to get kids involved with all household chores– or really anything you want them to help out with easily, as they grow older. They love helping at this age, and it’s primetime to harness that enthusiasm. It’s also a great age to try all the ideas for more autonomy because toddlers really, really need autonomy (I really recommend the 3 commands per hour for this age to reduce stress and conflict). Stories are great at this age, as well as the dramas, because they really don’t understand logic.

And then the question about screens. Gosh darn screens! I actually intentionally left them out, too, because I felt like the topic needs a whole book. And I’m actually working on that book now. iPads, social media, nonstop streaming, and intense video games are so new to our lives, it’s tough to find an ancient, deeply rooted way of handling them. So I have taken a totally different tact on this topic. Stay tuned! A book will come out a little over a year.

But I did find a few tips around the world about screens. The one that I often think about is: If an object triggers conflict between the parent and the child, then the object is typically kept from the child until they are mature enough to use it without conflict.

Smartphones are deliberately designed to make adults use them constantly (and they work even better on children), so your daughter is always going to want it. If that causes conflict (and not what you want), I would suggest keeping it out of her sight and using it only when she’s not around.

I struggle with the parktime play. I work a lot and I feel like when I am with my kids on the weekends, I should be engaged with them playing at the park. In your book, you say to sit down, read a book and let them know that Mommy is nearby if needed, but I find myself jumping into playing with them, because I feel guilt about not playing with them. What advice do you have about that?

Oh, I do understand how you feel! I played at the park for the first 2.5 years of Rosy’s life. And I did it out of pure guilt. But the truth was, I didn’t enjoy it. And I often wanted to stop playing with her before she wanted me to stop. This generated great conflict. She ended up crying because I stopped too early or I ended up getting angry because playing tired me out.

In the vast majority of cultures, parents don’t play with children. Playing with children seems a bit ridiculous because adults are adults. They don’t join the child world.

But parents do engage with children, quite a lot. And they do that by including children in their lives. By bringing children into the adult world. By including – and welcoming them into their work, chores, hobbies, leisure and social activities. This builds connections with the child, teaches cooperativity, enhances motivation and also teaches the child skills – how to behave in the adult world and skills they need as they grow up (like how to cook, clean but als

Once I learned this, I stopped feeling guilty about not playing with Rosy. In fact, I felt proud that I’m giving Rosy a chance to develop her skills with other children or have a time for her to be just with herself.

I also started bringing her into my world – including her in my work, hobbies, chores, and leisure. Doing this brought us so much closer together than me playing with her. For one, It felt like a more genuine interaction because I wasn’t doing it out of guilt but rather because I really want to include her. Second, I could see how much joy and confidence she gained by being included in my life. This is also how she grows and learns. When I include her in my life, she isn’t just my kid, we’re working together as a team. And she’s contributing in real, meaningful ways to our family.

I loved reading about how some of these mothers from ancient cultures accepted that “kids will be kids” and some of their behaviors are expected. For me, it’s hard to know when to let them run with that behavior and when I should draw a line. Can you perhaps elaborate on what you saw and how the mothers managed that?

This is a wonderful question! And one I’ve thought about a lot. In general, parents that I’ve encountered in hunter-gatherer communities, ignore the vast majority of misbehavior. They literally just ignore it. (Ethnographers and anthropologists have also documented this trend). They rarely ever punish or scold. If a child is literally hurting themselves or others, the parents will interfere and stop it.

But there are few times when parents do point out misbehaviors. That’s when a child isn’t being helpful, generous or kind. Or another way to look at it – when a child isn’t respecting their family, community, or environment. Then parents will let the children know that it’s not acceptable. They will ask questions (“Am I a trash can?” “Am I your mule?” “How do you think that makes your brother feel when you don’t share?”) give consequence puzzles (“You’re going to hurt somebody with that stick”), or simply stating the problem (“That’s unhelpful.” “That’s disrespectful.”). Then later on, they will help teach the child the proper behavior through a story, drama, or conversation.

They don’t do any of this with a loud, boisterous voice or with a lot of emotion. Their tone is more factual and to the point. The goal is not to scold or punish or generate conflict but rather conveying information.

Also, younger children are given way more leeway than older ones because older ones should have much more understanding.

For me, personally, I feel like if Rosy isn’t pulling her weight around the house, then I tell her. Or I ask her: “Are you contributing to the family’s work?” If she’s rude or unkind or disrespectful, I tell her. I ask her, “how do you think that comment makes me feel? Is that kind?” “How would you feel if I said that?” My goal is to teach her kindness, generosity and helpfulness for her family, and if she isn’t, I try to gently point it out and guide her back to the way that I know she wants to be.

My biggest parenting struggle is around my kids being competitive with one another. Whether one got a bigger piece of banana or one got to go to the store with mommy but the other didn’t, there are a lot of meltdowns among them. My son, who is older than my daughter, is constantly obsessed with winning and ‘beating’ his sister in games and life (haha!) He provokes her and then she melts down (she’s younger and still throws tantrums.) How can I help bring more peace between them and how can I foster more of that protective older sibling principle that you talk about?

I would try a few approaches. First off, I would stop praise completely. Praise generates competition between siblings (It also generates competition between reporters at NPR. I see it firsthand. So we are all a bit susceptible to this reaction to praise).

Second, I would start to make everything “fairer” between the two siblings so there is less concern or fear about “missing out.” That is, everyone works together as a team. Everyone goes on trips with mommy. Everyone cleans up after dinner together, does the laundry together, makes each other’s bed. Everyone gets the same piece of banana bread. Everyone is included and gets the same. I know that goes against our culture’s idea that “life isn’t fair” and kids need to learn this. But why shouldn’t family members try to be fair with each other? Why shouldn’t each kid be included in a trip? You’re a team, right? Kids will have more than enough opportunities to learn this outside the family. But inside the family, everyone is included in everything. Then it feels safer to children. They can relax and don’t need to compete.

You can even say to the kids: “We’re starting something new. We’re all going to work as a team. We’re all going on the same trips, have the same food, do the same chores. Now I know it can’t be PERFECTLY fair all the time… everyone can’t have the exact same size of banana bread or do exactly the same amount of work, but we’re going to do our best because now we’re a team.” The goal here is to start removing the fear of getting the short end of the stick. So the message no longer is… you have to deal with the unfairness.. but rather the message is… we are trying to be as fair as possible.

Next I would bring the oldest child onto the youngest’s team by giving him responsibility and a bit of power. Sounds crazy but ’m serious! This is what I saw over and over again. You get the older child on the younger child’s side by enlisting their help. Take a moment, when you’re alone together, and say to the older child, “I see how much you’ve grown and matured recently, and I’m wondering if you think you’re ready to help look after your little sister. I’m not sure you’re ready [this makes a challenge!] but she could surely use your help. Do you think you’re old enough to handle this? I’m not sure [again, challenging him]. Maybe?”

Then give the two children a task to do, together, without you, that’s a bit challenging. For example, running into the store and buying milk, or going down the street and asking for a cup of flour. A task that the older child would LOVE to do (and can), but the younger child really can’t do without their older brothers help. Then say to the older child: “OK. you’re going to have to take care of your little sister and make sure she’s ok. You’re the older, more capable one. Can you take care of her? Can you make sure she crosses the street safely?”

Overtime, you give the older child more and more responsibilities with the younger one. He watches her while you’re working. Or have to run into the store yourself. He helps her do the dishes. Take care of the animals. You name it! You’re training him to be her alloparent. He has purpose, and is contributing by helping her and you. He is her caretaker but also your helper. Over time, this responsibility will ease the competition between the two because you don’t need to compete with a person you’re caring for. They will create a team.

I hope you found this Q&A insightful and helpful and encourages you to read Hunt, Gather, Parent – it truly helped me in my motherhood journey! I’d love to continue the conversation, so feel free to leave a comment on this post or DM me on Instagram.

The post Q&A With The Author of Hunt, Gather, Parent appeared first on Inspiralized.

Our Kid’s Tonsillectomy Experience

Our six year old son Luca got his tonsils out in November, two weeks before December. It definitely wasn’t the experience that I thought it would be, and like with everything in motherhood, every child has different experiences. From teething to switching schools, kids just adjust so differently. I was under the impression that our tonsillectomy recovery was going to be brutal. All of my friends warned me that it would be a rollercoaster where some days would be good and some would be terrible. For us, it really wasn’t that bad! So if you’re nervous about your child’s recovery and experience, just know that not all tonsillectomy recoveries need to be brutal.

But before I get into his recovery, let’s back up and talk about why he had a tonsillectomy.

Why Our ENT Recommended a Tonsillectomy

There are a couple of reasons why our doctor recommended a tonsillectomy. First off, in the late spring and early summer, Luca had a string of strep throat infections. They were back-to-back. In a handful of months, he had 4 infections. Our ENT said usually more than 5 in a year is grounds for a tonsillectomy, so we knew in the back of our minds that we might have to get a tonsillectomy based on that.

But then, in July, Luca had a peritonsillar abscess. By definition, a peritonsillar abscess is an area of pus-filled tissue at the back of the mouth, next to one of the tonsils. Basically, abscesses are very painful and it made it very hard for Luca to open his mouth and the pain near his tonsil was radiating into his ear. He woke up in the middle of the night complaining about ear pain and then when he woke up in the morning, he walked into my room clutching one side of his neck (near his ear) and when I took his hand off, it was so swollen and he could barely lift up his head. He also had a fever. I rushed him to urgent care, because I knew that something was terribly wrong and when he was able to open his mouth, they saw that his uvula (the little thing that hands at the back of our throats) was sticking to the side of his throat that was hurting. That apparently is the telltale sign. They told us to go to the emergency room.

Once we were in the emergency room, it all happened very quickly. Apparently with the abscess, it can swell so large, it cuts off airways and you can suffocate. They prepped him for general anesthesia for the surgery, because they had to drain the abscess by slicing it and for kids, that’s too dangerous to do awake. Ugh! He was totally fine afterwards, it was a quick recovery, about a week. At our follow up appointment, we were told that Luca would need a tonsillectomy, because the chances of the abscess coming back are now very high and more dangerous. So, we scheduled one!

Prepping Luca for His Tonsillectomy

Honestly, I definitely prepped Luca for this for weeks. I would talk about it in front of his teachers saying, “Remember Luca will be gone next week, he’s getting his tonsils out and he’ll be resting at home!” I think by talking about it with other adults makes it feel less scary, because other adults know to say things like, “Oh, enjoy the ice cream!” I definitely made it feel less scary by talking about it so casually.

I did tell him that it would probably hurt a little afterwards and he would feel a little nauseous for a few days, so I didn’t sugarcoat that part, but I definitely highlighted the other great parts more (We’ll get to watch movies together! We can snuggle on the couch! You get to be with Mommy at home! You can eat as much ice cream as you want!” We also went to the store together so he could pick out his yogurt flavors and ice cream. Altogether, I think that helped.

The Tonsillectomy Procedure

The tonsillectomy procedure went well. It was scheduled for 10am. Basically, it’s a lot of waiting around until it’s your turn and then I had to wait for the hour it took to put him under, perform the surgery, and wake him up. Luca had a tough time with the general anesthesia this time (I’m imagining they had to give him more because of the severity of the procedure?) It took him hours to feel like himself, whereas after the peritonsillar abscess experience, he was fine after an hour. So, that was a bit unsettling. Basically, I held him in a chair and he slept on me for hours. When he tried to drink anything, he threw it up which was so painful for me to watch. We had to stay in the hospital until he could drink something and keep it down.

I think it was 8:30pm by the time we left the hospital. He ended up throwing up in the car, but I attributed that to just all of the jostling and car sickness and everything he had been through, so I used my mama gut instinct to not rush back to the hospital. He also felt immediately fine after throwing up. We got home and he seemed fine, just a little tired (despite sleeping all afternoon.) We took a nice bath and he drank some water and he went to bed.

Our Tonsillectomy Recovery Experience

In terms of recovery, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. To be honest, the hardest part was managing meals with 3 other kids and Luca. Since they have to be on a soft foods diet for TWO weeks, it was hard to come up with meals and manage that. That’s why I’m excited to write this post and give some ideas for those of you about to go through it with your kids! Luca was required to stay out of school for one week and wasn’t allowed to do any strenuous activity (like sports, playgrounds, outdoor play) for two full weeks – that was hard too, especially because my kids are an active bunch!

I’m going to refer to the next day after the procedure as. Day 1. Days 1 and 2, Luca could only really manage to eat the really soft foods like yogurt, pudding, ice pops, ice cream, and apple juice. It seemed like he was almost afraid to swallow. He never complained about pain or any sore throat. I was very diligent about the medication (you’re supposed to give OTC pain medication every 4 hours even if they don’t complain about pain, you don’t want to miss a dose and then they have to suffer.) And yes, that means waking up in the middle of the night to give medication. Luca would take it and go right back to sleep, so it wasn’t a terrible sleep disruption. I kept the medicine on my nightsand so I could just wake up with my alarm, give it to him, and go right back to sleep.

We did this honestly for almost the first full week, just to be safe. And Luca never complained about throat pain, not a single day. On Day 10, he complained about some ear pain (which is just the pain from the tonsil area radiating into the ear) and we gave him some Motrin and he never brought it up again.

Days 1, 2, 3, and some of 4, he was pretty tired. He wasn’t his boisterous self and you could tell the toll the procedure took on his little body. Day 1 and 2 we laid around and watched YouTube and movies. But Day 3, he was antsy with the yogurt and the stagnation, so we ended up starting with soft solid foods like scrambled eggs and Pastina (little tiny star shaped pasta) and we went on a little road trip to our new house, where he walked around a bit. Nothing crazy, no running around, but he did climb up on our playset and go on the swing.

Day 3 to 5, he was starting to play with his siblings more and do more active play. I was always telling him to rest, but he sort of seemed like his normal self, just a little more weak – and his voice was still muffled. He didn’t talk fully well until about day 8 (when he went back to school.)

Day 8, he went back to school, but wasn’t’ able to do his after school sports. But he was fully back to his normal self energy wise, so it was hard to hold him back. We went to some playgrounds with him, but just discouraged him from running a lot. He got a little fatigued Days 10-14, but that’s probably his body reacclimating to being active again. By day 14, he was certainly totally healed, and we celebrated Thanksgiving. I’d say he didn’t eat crunchy sharp foods like chips until maybe day 16/17, because we were nervous.

Honestly, one of the toughest and most unexpected parts of his recovery was…. bad breath! I mean, the breath is horrible. We brushed his teeth twice a day and that didn’t help at all. It honestly smells like dead flesh, it’s from the scabbing of the back of his throat. It was pretty terrible, no sugar coating it!

Tonsillectomy Recovery Tips

Here are my quick tips for your kiddos recovering from a tonsillectomy:

• Just remember that all kids recover differently – if you have a friend whose child had an awful recovery, don’t automatically expect that for your child. Our recovery experience was very easy, but that’s not to say that if we have to get Roma, Rio or Sol’s tonsils out, it’ll be the same. Just know that kids are resilient and just be there for them!
• Buy some arts & crafts, Lego kits, and other lo-fi activities to do at home. Break out the card games and board games!
• Bring disposable vomit bags with you for the car ride home, just in case. I was so glad I had mine.
• Bring your kids a comfortable pair of gripper socks for the hospital.
• Keep on top of the pain medication, even if the child isn’t complaining yet of discomfort. Talk to your doctor if you’re not sure.
• Stock your fridge with your kids’ favorite juices, fruit ice pops, ice cream flavors (dairy-free, if possible) and puddings/yogurts (dairy-free, also) for those first couple of days, because they will fly through them!
• Even if your kid says they feel better, try to really encourage them to rest. Luca wanted to push himself on the 3rd day, and I’m glad I kept him on the couch – I think it helped in his overall recovery.
• If your kid chews gum, try bubblegum! Apparently it helps with the scabs, because they don’t form as tough.
• Try to go dairy-free with as much as you can – dairy causes phlegm build up and general inflammation.
• Know your child will talk differently (muffled) for about a week or more – but it goes away!

Tonsillectomy Recovery Food Ideas

Here are the foods ideas for once you make it through the ice cream and yogurt stage of recovery (after day 2 or 3):

• Scrambled eggs
• Omelette
• Pastina
• Mac and cheese
• Noodles of any sort cooked until soft (not al dente)
• Pearl couscous in a broth
• Soup with tiny chopped meat and vegetables (a minestrone or chicken noodle soup)
• Mashed potatoes
• Pancakes doused in maple syrup or butter
• Cereal that’s been softened in milk for 5-10 minutes
• Applesauce, raspberries, bananas sliced into thin sticks or rounds, canned peaches
• Smoothies (with almond butter for extra protein!)
• Roasted peeled sweet potatoes
• Cooked salmon
• Any flaky fishes (ie cod or halibut)
• Rotisserie chicken cut into small pieces and in broth for extra softness
• Chicken nuggets with the breading mostly peeled off (leave a couple crumbles for flavor if wanted)
• Meatballs cut into pieces
• Ground beef with mashed potatoes
• Blender muffins, warmed!

I hope you find this post helpful – and goodluck to all of your kids in their tonsillectomy journeys! 

The post Our Kid’s Tonsillectomy Experience appeared first on Inspiralized.

Spread some holiday cheer – and remember, it’s the thought that counts, so don’t stress and just gift with love.

The Inspiralized Holiday Gift Guide for 2023

Here are our separate gift guides (click on each to be taken to a separate page with the full list!)

Gifts For Her – 2023 Holiday Gift Guide

A little bit of cozy, a little bit of indulgence, there’s everything on this list for her – including a few personal items I’m asking Santa for!

Gifts For Him – 2023 Holiday Gift Guide

Men are tough. They’re more minimalist than women (well, some of them – haha!) and it can be tough to find a quality gift, but we’ve done it!

Gifts For Anybody – 2023 Holiday Gift Guide

Whether you’re picking a gift for a virtual white elephant or just want a fun gift for someone special, we have it all.

Gifts For Kids – 2023 Holiday Gift Guide

There were so many gifts we wanted to include on this list, but we really focused on the most open-ended and quality gifts we could find, with the main inspiration coming from Ali and her kids!

The post Our 2023 Holiday Gift Guides appeared first on Inspiralized.

2023 Holiday Gift Guide for Kids

1. Zero Gravity Wall Clinger Car: this could even be a stocking stuffer, but it’s a super cool car that drives on ceilings and walls!

2. Cash register: it’s just the best gift for kids – endless open ended play ideas. My kids have this one and it’s lasted years.

3. Play market stand: my kids love playing ‘shop’ and this would be a hit for them!

4. Puffy pens: if your kids are into arts & crafts, add this to your list!

5. Chalk pens: how fun!

6. DIY Headbands kit: a little changeup from bracelet/necklace making kits.

7. Magic kit: endless hours of fun with magic kits.

8. Barbie dreamhouse: Roma loves her dollhouse – set a price alert and when it drops, snag it! Or, the slightly more affordable plane.

9. Hot Wheels toy: I love this for bringing to the park – it expands to make a downhill race! This roll out raceway is neat too.

10. Hot Wheels Track Set: this lives under our couch and we bring it out a lot, it’s a hit, and entertains all the kids.

11. KiwiCo: I love all of the kits they offer – we buy them all the time! You could get a subscription or buy a simple crate.

12. Kids gripper slippers: Lu and I have the adult version of these and the kids always play with them, I didn’t know they come in a toddler and a youth version!

13. Non toxic makeup kits: this is Roma’s favorite, she plays with it all the time.

14. Traceup lighting pad: you can never go wrong with this gift!

15. Unicorn bead kit: For the rainbow unicorn obsessed.

16. 3Doodler: for your older kids (6+), this is so cool!

17. Dashers for Magnatiles: a great add-on for magnatile sets.

18. Scooter accessory: makes fun sounds and lights!

19. Play kitchen: this will always be on my holiday gift guide, because it is our most used toy in our home.

20. Marble run: we love marble runs, but we have a plastic one – this wood one looks so nice and sturdy.

21. Mixers: Great accessory for a play kitchen.

22. Tumbling pad: this is on Roma’s Christmas list!

23. Toniebox: my kids love their Toniebox and it grows with you – some Tonies are stories, some are music (great for all ages!)

24. Instax camera: I got this for Luca for his 6th birthday and it’s one of his favorites.

25. Super Smalls: literally anything from this brand.

26. Toddler bike: we have balance bikes for the kids, but we’re thinking of getting these for the twins as gifts.

27. Wiggle cars: these are on my kids’ wish list!

28. Tea cart: my kids love playing tea party, and this elevates it!

29. Painting book: love that this comes with thin little palettes. A great introduction to watercolors!

30. Disney Golden Books: this is a great set because it’s nostalgic for parents – I love reliving these stories!

The post 2023 Holiday Gift Guide for Kids appeared first on Inspiralized.

2023 Holiday Gift Guide for Her

1. Fuzzy Bucket Hat: everyone gets mittens and beanies for gifts – step it up and make it a bucket hat!

2. Cotton Spa Dress: these never fail me, I buy them every year! Couple this with a nice face mask and it’s a great gift.

3. Stanley quencher: you can’t go wrong with a Stanley!

4. Eye patches: these are miracle workers, I love mine!

5. Beanie: because beanies are the lowest hanging fruit of the gift giving season and this one is ca-uuuuute.

6. Waterfilter: for your beauty obsessed friend.

7. Pickleball bag: okay, I think I need to get into Pickeball just for this bag!

8. Cute pair of sneakers: you can’t go wrong with sneaks. I have these and they’re my most comfortable shoe.

9. Herringbone Yankees hat: for the Yankees fans, of course.

10. Ugg mini boots: love a classic Ugg gift – and this color is softer than the original Ugg.

11. Bombas slippers: I love Bombas slippers, they’re so cozy and functional.

12. Get a sweats set: I love the cool look of this top and sweats.

13. Crop puffer: so chic!

14. Beverage pourer: be the chicest on girls night.

15. Gorgeous apron: I rarely wear aprons because they’re all so frumpy, but I love this one.

16. Planner: I love the simplicity of this feminine pink planner.

17. Ice roller: I love this ice roller after a night out – it really does make a big difference in swelling. Also, my kids use it when they get ouchies, ha!

18. Cozy pajamas: you can’t go wrong.

19. Henry Rose perfume sampler set: this is my non-toxic perfume brand I use (Queens & Monsters), and I started off with the sampler set. Some scents I loved a lot, so I keep them for travel!

20. The sweetest braided hoops: I love this brand.

21. Barefoot dreams blanket: I love this pattern.

22. The Woman In Me: Britney Spears’s memoir – so many reviews on this one, it’s on my list!

23. Heatless curlers: these work so well and they’re a fun way to add oomph to your hair!

The post 2023 Holiday Gift Guide for Her appeared first on Inspiralized.

2023 Holiday Gift Guide for Anyone

1. Book Nook: I’m getting this for Lu, because he uses a moleskin for work and has reading glasses now, so this would be perfect for him!

2. Yoga mat: upgrade their workout experience.

3. Water bottle bag: for the gym go-ers, I love my water bottle bag!

4. Microfiber towels: a nice addition to anyone’s home gym.

5. Watercolor book: I love this idea as a nice meditative gift.

6. Theragun Mini: cute color and a great, effective product.

7. Beverage cooler: great for entertaining, so you don’t have to keep going back to the fridge.

8. Hatch Restore: I’m over using my phone as an alarm clock – I’m putting this on my wish list this year!

9. Cooler bucket bag: For the friend who likes to bring the party!

10. Custom stamp gift set: this is a thoughtful gift and something we all love but don’t make time to buy!

11. Bathrobe: what a unique bathrobe!

12. Monopoly: for the person in your life that loves board games.

13. Coravin Wine Preserver: great for the friend who loves to drink wine – you can drink a glass at a time out of the bottle!

14. Milk frother: level up your coffee game!

The post 2023 Holiday Gift Guide for Anyone appeared first on Inspiralized.

2023 Holiday Gift Guide for Him

1. Toiletry bag: just a nice elevated toiletry bag for travel or at home.

2. Vintage socks: always a good idea. Men love their socks.

3. Corduroy hat: Lu loves his cord hats!

4. Workout shirts: love the colors these shirts come in for men.

5. Stanley: love the design of this Stanley, definitely a bit manlier.

6. Portable speaker: this is a gender neutral gift, but my husband is big into his portable speakers, so this makes the ‘For Him’ list.

7. Coffee mug: a cool coffee to go mug.

8. Gripper slipper: always a hit with Lu!

9. Chip golf game: a fun game for the golf-obsessed men in your life.

10. Sneakers: sneakers are always a great gift idea for guys.

11. Smiley basketball: this would be cool to display in a home office or den.

12. Leather wallet: if you’re looking for a big ticket item, this is the perfect slim wallet.

13. Performance golf polo: for the golfer guys, a bit more stylish of a golf shirt!

The post 2023 Holiday Gift Guide for Him appeared first on Inspiralized.

My Favorite Bras For Every Occasion and Outfit

It’s tricky finding good bras. And no one wants to go to the department store and try on bras for hours. I’ve always felt uncomfortable doing that and I remember my mother taking me to Nordstrom to see the “bra specialist.” It felt intrusive and I wanted to get out of there as quickly as I could.

As a reference for my personal bra size and situation, I grew up with a big bust and a small waist. Throughout my life, I’ve ranged from a 34DD (in high school) to a 36G (breastfeeding.) Needless to say, I’ve had to test out a lot of different bras, and I’m sure there are so many that I haven’t tried that I should. But, for the sake of this post and to help others try out bras they may not have thought to try, I’m sharing which bras are currently working for me or have worked for me.

Let me also state that my boobs have changed a lot since birthing and breastfeeding four children. All of my children were exclusively breastfed for 14-16 months, so my boobs don’t look or feel like they used to! I’ve lost a lot of volume in my boobs and they are obviously not as firm or perky as they were at one point. Thus, a lot of the bras that I wear now are because they support my current boob situation. Over the years, there have been other bras that I loved, but now, these are my go-tos!

Right now, my current bra size is a 34/36DD (depends on the brand.)

The Best Bra For Everyday Support

Fits Everybody Corded Lace Underwire Bra by SKIM in size 36DD or Natori Bliss Perfection Underwire Contour Bra in 36DD.

There’s one bra that I wear for support and all-day wear that makes my boobs look and feel good. It’s the Fits Everybody Corded Lace Underwire Bra by SKIMS, but only the lace version. The other Fits Everybody bras don’t fit me right – it’s something about the material of the lace version.  I own it in 4 different colors!

Before my breasts lost all their volume, I swore by the Natori Bliss Perfection Underwire Contour Bra. Now, it still fits in a different size, but the top of my breasts don’t fill out the top as well (they’re not as firm!)

The Best Bra For Exercising

Lululemon Run Times Bra in size 36DD or Ultimate Bra by Athleta in size Medium.

So since my boobs have lost volume and they’re not as firm, I now prefer pull-on bras for strength training and more low impact workouts (although it’s so comfy, I’ll wear it on runs.) My favorite is the Ultimate Bra by Athleta. However, for seriously high-impact workouts (like running), I’ll wear my Lululemon Run Times Bra and it never fails. Since I don’t have as much volume in my breasts, they don’t fit as well as they used to but they still support me, and I own them in many colors. This is also the bra that I wore postpartum (when my breasts were full of milk!)

The Best Nursing Bra for Breastfeeding

Body Silk Seamless Recycled Nylon Blend Wireless Maternity/Nursing Bra in size Large.

I swear by the Bravado Designs nursing bras. They worked for me with all 4 of my kids. I like most of them, but my favorite is the Body Silk material, I feel like it’s sweat proof (and you’re always sweating postpartum.)

The Best Bra While Pregnant (Not Nursing)

Aurora Seamless Crop Rib Tank in size Small.

They say you should just purchase nursing bras while you’re pregnant and wear them to be comfortable, but I didn’t want to do that! I wanted something I could wear without clips and that would look a little nicer under shirts. For me, that was the Aurora Seamless Crop Rib Tank, which (because of how big my boobs were/are), it felt more like a bra and was just so comfortable. I still wear it when I’m just running around in athleisure. Does it make my boobs look good? No. Is it super supportive? No. But, it’s insanely comfortable, gives me enough support, and it doesn’t squish me like a sports bra does. I wear it mostly at home and on the weekends being active with the kids! I sized down!

The Best Strapless Bra

Wacoal Red Carpet Convertible Strapless Bra in 34DD

When you find a good one, you know it. That’s how I feel with the Wacoal Red Carpet Convertible Strapless Bra. It’s the only bra that I can wear all day, doesn’t dig into my back, and stays up. I’ve been wearing this bra since college, and its the best. I’ve varied in sizes in this bra (up to 36G!), so don’t be afraid to try out different sizes as your body changes.

The Best Sexy Bras

Underwire Scoop Bra in Ultra Fine Mesh by SKIMS in size 36DD, and Wicked Unlined Lace Balconette Bra in size 34DD.

Okay, okay. Relax! How can I talk about bras without talking about lingerie and just-for-my-husband bras? I have a few that I love that I can wear underneath regular clothing for that post-date-night surprise. I actually love this Underwire Scoop Bra in Ultra Fine Mesh by SKIMS, because it’s super supportive and I’ll wear it as an everybody bra sometimes. And then this Wicked Unlined Lace Balconette Bra is just a beautiful lacy bra that gives a little boost. It’s okay under sweaters or chunky fabrics, but the lace pops through t-shirts.

The Best Boob Tape

Bring It Up Instant Breast Lift-Boob Tape/Sticky Bra or Body Tape.

I’ve been using this little secret for many years (since before kids!) to wear backless tops or just to wear anything where you can’t really “wear a bra.” It’s boob tape! I’ve used this when my breasts were larger and I use them now to give them a little lift and shape when I’m going braless (Lord knows I need a lift!) When I am wearing something that has a plunge and the shoulders are covered, I’ll use this tape.

What are some must-try bras that I need in my rotation?

The post My Favorite Bras For Every Occasion and Outfit appeared first on Inspiralized.

My Guide to 5 Days in Puglia, Italy

Words can’t describe how breathtaking Puglia is. Not only is it rich in history (the oldest city in Italy is in Puglia!), but it’s coastline has the most refreshing blue, aqua colored waters perfect for jumping into.

While I was planning for this trip, I was searching for the best beaches in Puglia. My husband and I are such beach people (and used to the turquoise waters of the Caribbean), that we were so focused on beaches, beaches, beaches. What we immediately realized upon landing in Puglia was that Puglia isn’t about turquoise beaches (although there certainly are some!) It’s about the cliffside waters of the Adriatic Sea, where Puglia is located. It’s magically stunning. Truly breathtaking!

We couldn’t get enough of these cliffside coves and beaches that we searched for them every day and they were everywhere. The Puglian people simply bring an umbrella and a towel and post up along the coastline, jumping in and out of the water when they warm up. And frankly, the actual beaches of Puglia were very, very crowded (with Italians vacationing!), but the coastline coves (called a cala) were not crowded.

Puglia is laid backed, not very crowded, and as we went south of Monopoli, we didn’t hear any English. We felt like we were one of the locals, and I love this part of Puglia. My experiences in other regions of Italy haven’t been like this – there are tons of tourists and you hear more English than Italian. Not in Puglia, it’s still a bit of a “hidden” gem (I think this will start to change, as it’s becoming more and more of a destination!) And personally, I love to feel immersed in a country. If all I hear is English around me, it takes way from the experience for me.

What’s special about Puglia is the deep rooted history and that there is so much to do there, we didn’t even scratch the surface. My husband and I had FOMO the entire time we were there, realizing each day that passed that we weren’t going to have enough time to devour all of Puglia. Most of the hotels are converted masserias, which are fortified farmhouses inhabited by landowners built in the 16th century. They are all so beautiful. We stayed at the Masseria Torre Maizza in Fasano.

I can’t rave enough about this hotel, it was boutique enough that the staff knew us well by day 2, but large enough that it had a gym, a partner beach club (Lido Bambu), a spa, a pool, a golf course, and a sensational restaurant. There was even a piano player that was there every evening that we ended up doing late night karaoke with! It was so elegant, refined, but still laid back and not stuffy at all. Let’s just say that if we ever make it back to Puglia, we’ll stay there again!

Although I researched the trip myself and essentially build the whole itinerary, I did use a travel agent to bounce ideas off of, to book all of our airfare and reservations, and to share her expertise of the region, which I’m very grateful for. If you’re interested in a travel agent, reach out to Patty of Local Foreigner!

I’m going to share our itinerary, HOWEVER we had to change it from our original itinerary, because we slept in one of the days (jet lag) and we also ended up getting exhausted and wanted to just have a lazy day our last day. Thus, I’m going to insert into the itinerary what we didn’t do!

Our 5 Day Puglia Itinerary

The Overview

Day 1 (Arrival Day): Check-in, lunch at the hotel pool bar, and dinner at Il Cortiletto restaurant

Day 2 (Beach club day): Lunch and hang all day at Lido Bambu Beach Club, dinner at Gaudium restaurant

Day 3 (Exploring the coastline): Loaded Googlemaps and drove to see Faraglioni di Sant’Andrea, Santa Cesarea Terme (hang at Bagno Marino Archi), Lunch in Porto Badisco, Hang/nap on the beach of Baia dei Turchi. Dinner back at hotel restaurant, Carosello. After party at hotel bar.

Day 4 (More exploring the coastline): Loaded Googlemaps and drove to see Roca Vecchia, Grotta della Poesia, and Torre dell’Orso. Drove back towards hotel and stopped at Cala Masciola (a beach club) for lunch and lay out. Afterwards, went out to explore Ostuni – dinner at La Taverna della Gelosia.

Day 5 (Alberobello and Polignano a Mare): Drove to Alberobello to explore. Then, drove to Polignagno a Mare, lunch at Ristorante da Tuccino. Jumped in ocean, then off to visit Lama Monachile Beach (aka Cala Porto). Back home and dinner at Due Camini restaurant.

Day 6 (Locorotondo and beach club): Drove to Locorotondo in the morning to explore, then lunch at Coccaro Beach Club, then went back to Cala Masciola to lounge for the rest of the day. Dinner in town at Ardecuore Restaurant.

Day 7 (Travel back home): Back home to New Jersey!

More Detailed Itinerary

Day 1: Arrival

We took a 6pm flight out of Newark (EWR) airport that landed us into Brindisi airport (the Puglia airport) at 2pm Italy time. It took us this long, because we had a layover in London Heathrow airport. We ended up checking into the hotel around 3pm, dropped our bags off in our rooms, and headed to the hotel pool bar for a late light lunch, Aperol spritzes, and to relax. We went back to our room, got dressed, and went to a restaurant Il Cortiletto for dinner which was sensational. The baked paccheri! The asparagus flan! The pistachio ice cream!

Day 2: Beach club/relax day

We knew we wanted to build in this day to just chill at the beach. We went to the partner beach club of our hotel called Lido Bambu Beach Club. We got a bed right in front of the ocean and sipped Aperol spritzes all day, went in and out of the water, and had the most unbelievable rosemary foccacia and tuna salads. We ended up spotting Jeremy Strong (from Succcesion!) and went right up to him to tell him what big fans we were! The beach club was nice, comfortable, and looked a bit like Tulum (the aesthetic didn’t look like we were in Italy, which I didn’t love.)

After that, we went home, showered and got dressed to go to Gaudium Restaurant, which was a seafood spot. It was in the town we were staying in. The food was amazing BUT the ambiance wasn’t great. It was a large restaurant on the water, but no music or vibe. Just good food and service! We got an amazing fish soup and a risotto which were both memorable.

Day 3: Exploring Puglian coastline by car

So this day was supposed to look different. We were supposed to do all of our coastline driving in one day, BUT we overslept so we ended up splitting it into two days (doing one the next day.) The only downside of this is that we had to do a longer drive twice AND we missed the opportunity to do a little bit extra exploring on Thursday.

Anyway, we ended up seeing everything over the two days (day 3/4) except Castro Marina, Porto Miggiano, and Cala dell Acquaviva. I was mostly bummed about missing Cala dell Acquaviva, I’ve heard great things. Next time!

Driving the coastline is very easy, everything is labeled well, so we just plugged the sights into Googlemaps and drove! This day, we first drove to Faraglioni di Sant’Andrea (about 90 minutes away) where we officially fell in love with Puglia. The water was gorgeous and the view was beyond scenic. We both jumped in! We wish we had more time here – and there’s a little beach restaurant with an actual beach a 2 minute walk down a hill that would’ve been great to relax at for a couple of hours. After you jump in, I’d just towel off, throw a sarong or cover up on, and get back in the car. So, we were off to explore!

After that, we drove to Bagno Marino Archi which is a beach club in Santa Cesarea Terme. It was a very casual beach club that was packed with Italians. We didn’t hear any English. It was kind of like a no frills beach club, authentically Italian in every way. We loved watching the Italian kids jumping off the floating docks into the water. It was like we were in the Disney movie Lucca. We stayed there for hours. We were planning on having lunch there, but we wanted to keep it moving and explore more, so we stopped in Porto Badisco to jump in the water, but ended up just having a perfect little lunch at a deli in town and then realized we were pressed for time so we drove back home (about 1 hour and 45 minutes.)

We came back to the hotel, lounged at the pool, had an iced americano with some cucumbers and melon (they have the world’s best cucumbers in Puglia – they’re almost sweet!) and then changed and had dinner at the hotel restaurant Carosello. If you’re not staying at this hotel on your visit, I highly recommend adding it to your list! It was probably the best meal we had in Puglia! The eggplant raviolis and the grilled lobster were otherworldly. After dinner, we went to the hotel bar/lounge where the hotel’s Sicilian piano player had us karaoke-ing until midnight!

Day 4: Exploring the coastline by car + Beach Club + Ostuni

Since we overslept and had to spread the exploring over two days, we got back in the car after breakfast and went to Roca Vecchia, Grotta della Poesia, and Torre dell’Orso (in that order.) Roca Vecchia was my favorite place. Another cliffside coastline area to jump in and out of and swim around- this one had a little cala/beach and it was just gorgeous. We stayed for an hour.

Roca Vecchia is right next to Grotta della Poesia (like a few minute drive down the road) which is a grotto that you can jump into and swim around in (they also have a rocky staircase to get in and out.) Lu jumped in, but it was too high for me, so I took the staircase. Again, no Americans, all Italians, and it was magical. The water was so refreshing. You did have to pay to get in (I think it was 6 EUR for both of us.)

After that, we drove to Torre dell’Orso which was a beautiful beach but it was so crowded (all Italians!) and we wanted to get back for lunch at Cala Masciola, a beach club that is affiliated with the Borgo Egnazio, the hotel that Justin Timberlake got married at! The lunch wasn’t great (but the spritzes were!) but we might have ordered wrong? You never know! However, we loved this beach club. Unlike Lido Bambu, it wasn’t on a beach, it was one of the jumping areas/coves. They had a metal staircase to get in and out of the water and float around and the water was stunning. We laid on a bed, drank spritzes, and enjoyed the sun.

After that, we headed back to our hotel, showered, changed, and went to Ostuni to walk around and have dinner. Ostuni is a white washed city (all of the buildings were painted white in hopes the sun would reflect off the buildings and blind the incoming armies/threats to the city.) It’s up in the mountain/on a hill, so it’s elevated and has beautiful views and sunsets. It’s so picturesque and has tons of little shops, bars, and restaurants. We stopped at Bar Perso for a cocktail before dinner to people watch and it was perfect. Afterwards, we had dinner at La Taverna della Gelosia which was a beautiful and romantic location, but the food was heavy on meat and the other menu items were not great. We had some octopus and an eggplant parmesan-style dish that was okay, but the rest wasn’t good. I was disappointed but the spritzes were one of the best I had!

Our Ostuni night was perfect otherwise, and I am so happy we went and visited. It felt like such an Italian night!

Day 5: Alberobello and Polignano a Mare

Wow, wow, wow. We were blown away by Alberobello. This town is known for it’s “trulli”s which are little conical roofed stone “huts” that were made originally to become tax exempt from the high housing costs in the 16th century. They are perfectly preserved, some are still inhabited, but most are filled with the most beautiful little stores and we ended up buying some gifts for the family here. I was taking so many photos, everything was so idyllic. There were little restaurants and bars there, too.

After that, we drove to Polignano a Mare, a main attraction of Puglia. We first stopped for lunch at Ristorante da Tuccino which was a restaurant on the water, away from the hustle and bustle of the main town. We had parking, had a nice slow seafood lunch (it was very simple but well prepared, the seafood felt like it was fresh off the boat!) and afterwards, we changed into our bathing suits in the bathrooms and hopped right into a little cove off the restaurant. Then, we were off to the main town of Polignano a Mare and to see Lama Manochile beach, the main cove you see all over Instagram. It was certainly scenic and moving (the cliffside is so high up and you’re so down low in this little cove), but it was so crowded and the water seemed cloudy compared to the other areas we had visited (probably from all the sunscreen, oil, and people!) I swore I saw a little poop float by, so we were out of there pretty quickly, after sitting on top of one of the cliffside rocks to people watch.

We wanted to jump in something clearer and more for the locals, so we found a little gem called Cala Tre Buchi nearby in Monopoli (on the way back from Polignano) and it might’ve been our favorite little spot! We stayed here swimming and laying on the cove for almost an hour. All Italians!

We ended up walking the town for a little bit, had a spritz with some magnificent views, and then headed back home to get ready for our dinner at Due Camini, the Michelin-star-rated restaurant at the Borgo Egnazio. This was truly a special experience and it was fun to get dressed up (Since the rest of Puglia is casual.) It was an 8-course menu and brought you through Puglian cuisine. However, in the end, I wish I had just gone to a local restaurant and had a meal with Italians, because it was all Americans dining and didn’t feel like we were in Puglia anymore (kind of like we were in New York City or something.) But it was certainly different and fun to see the chef’s creativity (and all the diners got brought into the kitchen to see the behind the scenes and taste a pre-dessert treat)!

Day 6: Locorotondo + beach club

So this day, originally, was planned to be a day we went to a vineyard (called Masseria Li Veli) and then the other side of Puglia (to the west coast) to visit Porto Cesareo and Gallipoli. However, we decided we just wanted to relax, so we ended up driving to visit another little town nearby (20 minutes away) called Locorotondo which was just as picturesque as Ostuni, if not more. After that, we went to Coccaro Beach Club for lunch and had a tasty pizza, grilled veggies, and a mixed seafood grill which was outstanding. It was a little loud and a few screaming kids, but the food was good and it was a great view. We almost stayed, but ended up driving back to Cala Masciola to hang there and jump in that beautiful water again.

In retrospect, I wish we had stuck to our original itinerary or woken up early and visited Matera (the oldest city in Puglia) and then made it back in time to jump into some of the local Monopoli beaches/coves before relaxing by our hotel pool before dinner. If I could do the trip again, I would’ve probably done that! But, it was still a nice relaxing last day in Puglia.

For dinner, we probably had our best meal at Ardecuore, a hip restaurant in Fasano. From the appetizer to the dessert, it was beautiful. Everything was creative but not pretentious, delicious, and fresh. The bruschette to start was like an art piece. It was such the perfect end to the day and the trip, and we had some after dinner drinks to celebrate the end (me a sambuca and Lu a limoncello.)

Day 7: Travel day home

After a final hotel breakfast, we traveled back to New Jersey!

What We Didn’t a Chance to See

Puglia is such a culturally rich region of Italy and there is so much to do. There were a few areas and dozens of little beaches and coves we didn’t get to explore. Here are some areas I wish we had more time to see (we’d probably need another week to do it!):

• Matera: the oldest city in Italy
• More Monopoli area beaches, like Cala Porto Bianco & Russo, Cala Porto Vecchia, Porto Ghiacciolo, Cala Sottile, and Porto Verde
• West coast of Italy’s Puglia: Punta Prosciutto, Porto Cesareo, Gallipoli (Calla dell’Acquaviva)
• Done an olive orchard tour (Puglia is probably most famous for it’s olive oil production)
• Done a boat ride around Polignano a Mare’s little caves/grottos
• The city of Lecce

Restaurants We Ate At in Puglia

• Il Cortiletto: 15 minutes from our hotel, loved this restaurant – if you can score a table outside in the garden/patio area, it’s gorgeous
• Guadium: 10 minutes nearby our hotel, the food was good, but the ambiance was meh. It’s a larger restaurant on the water, but at nighttime, you can’t really tell.
• Carosello: this was our hotel’s restaurant and it might have been our favorite meal. The restaurant is just gorgeous, so the scenery is undeniable and you truly feel like you’re inside an Italian masseria. The eggplant raviolis and the sfogliatella dessert!
• Lido Bambu Beach Club: 10 minutes from our hotel, we had lunch here and the tuna on the salads was so fresh (not like canned tuna in the states!), and a rosemary foccacia that was divine. I wish we had more time to have one more meal there!
• La Taverna della Gelosia: in Ostuni about 30 minutes from our hotel, not a great meal, but the ambiance was wonderful. Perhaps we ordered wrong, because this is highly rated!
• Ristorante da Tuccino: a white tablecloth kind of Italian restaurant, we had our lunch here in Polignano a Mare – simple menu options, all about the fresh seafood. Great meal and beautiful view!
• Due Camini: a Michelin-star rated restaurant at the Borgo Egnazio hotel with an 8 course dinner, certainly an experience, but I think it can be skipped for a more locals-only kind of meal.
• Coccaro Beach Club: we had lunch here, it’s a lively beach club that’s also family friendly right on the water (you can stay and grab a beach chair), great meal of fresh grilled seafood, pizza, and veggies.
• Ardecuore: 10 minutes from our hotel, our last meal and maybe our favorite, it was hip and the food was sensational. Creative but not prentious and full of contemporary Apulian inspiration!

Other restaurants on our list, we wish we could have tried include:

• Locande de Felisiano
• Antica Lama
• Osteria del Tempo Perso

A few tips for Puglia:

After staying here for nearly a week, I have a few tips:

• Rent a car: unless you’re nervous about driving in foreign countries (then get a driver!), renting a car is a must. There is SO much to see in Puglia, it would be a shame not to get in a Fiat and drive. Bonus tip: use CarPlay to play the White Lotus Season 2 soundtrack on your drive – it’s the best!
• Download a translator app: I always find that when you’re in a non-English speaking country and you at least attempt to speak their language, it goes very far. Also, there are many areas (especially down the coastline away from the touristy Polignano a Mare area) where the people speak limited English. Simply knowing the basics and being able to say this one/that one/please/thank you/where/can I.. is invaluable.
• Make your dining reservations late: This is something I wish I had known, but Italians don’t dine until at least 9pm, so if you want ambiance and to feel like you’re in the mix of the Italian crowd, book accordingly. However, service does wane after it gets crowded, so keep that in mind. We pushed all of our reservations.
• Bring water shoes: many of the Italian kids (and some adults) had water shoes for climbing the rocks to get in and out of the water. While not the chicest, our feet aren’t hardened like the Italians who are used to climbing rocks and it was a little slippery/painful/dangerous at times!

And that’s all I have to say about our 5 full days in Puglia, Italy! We can’t wait to visit again with the kids when they’re older, it stole our hearts.

For all of my Puglia outfits and looks, check out this post.

The post My Guide to 5 Days in Puglia, Italy appeared first on Inspiralized.

Outfits I’m Packing for Our Vacation to Puglia, Italy

Apparently Puglia is a very casual, laid back part of Italy. There are a couple hotel restaurants we’re going to that are a bit more upscale, so I’m packing a couple nicer dresses, but for the most part, it’s linen, linen, and more linen! Of course, you can follow along on Instagram to see what I actually end up wearing!

1. Crochet Tank / 2. The Tube Top / 3. Halter-neck Maxi Dress / 4. Cut Out Maxi Dress / 5. Linen-blend Pull-on Shorts / 6. Oversize t-shirt / 7. Linen-blend wrap skirt / 8. Long Knit Dress / 9. Calypso Dress / 10. Piper Smocked Midi Dress / 11. Linen-Blend Pull-On Shorts / 12. Knit Tank / 13. Blue Embroidered Midi Dress / 14. Drape Pant / 15. Linen Sleeveless Midi Dress / 16. Pop Tube Top / 17. Rove pants / 18. Reformation Frieda Linen Dress / 19. Reformation Lorin Linen Top

1. You Malta Metallic Sandal / 2. hand-knotted rope tote / 3. Lisbon illesteva / 4. Outta Love / 5. tote in gingham straw / 6. Woven straw market tote / 7. Toe Ring Strappy Flat Sandal 8. Natural fiber bag / 9. Lattice Flat Sandal / 10. Oval sunglasses / 11. Baylor Heels / 12. Goldy Sandals / 13. Essentials Slide Sandal  / 14. Matilda Earrings / 15. classic sneaker / 16. Le Weston Sandal

1. Wide Rib String Triangle Bikini Top / 2. Wide Rib Low Rise Tie Cheekiest Bikini Bottom / 3. Cover-Up Mini Shirtdress / 4. Convertible beach sarong / 5. Ribbed Longline Bandeau Bikini Top / 6. Crochet Cutaway Cover-Up Midi Dress / 7. Crochet Midi Swim Cover-Up / 8. Wide Rib Banded Full Coverage Bikini Bottom / 9. The Mykonos One Piece / 10. Nautical Mile One Piece / 11. Sao Paulo Skirt / 12. High Cut Cheeky Bikini Bottom / 13. Metallic String Triangle Bikini Top / 14. Metallic Low Rise Cheeky Bikini Bottom / 15. Halter Bandeau Bikini Top

Wish us safe travels! I’ll be back with a trip recap, but make sure to follow along on Instagram!

The post Outfits I’m Packing for Our Vacation to Puglia, Italy appeared first on Inspiralized.

The Parenting Book That Changed How I Parent

Disclaimer: I’m not a licensed therapist, and I have no accreditation in parenting. I’m just a mother of four kids who read a book that I find helpful for my family. In this blog post, I’m sharing what I learned and why it works for us. 

As parents, we’re constantly evolving to our children’s developmental stages. Just as much as we change as individuals, so do our children. I feel like every few months, we’re in some sort of developmental change, and I used to find myself floundering, trying to adapt to this sudden shift in behavior and coping capabilities. What I realized is that I didn’t have a consistent parenting philosophy, so every time my child changed, I’d try to deal with that change in a whole different way simply. Not good.

But that’s because I couldn’t find a parenting philosophy that worked for myself and my family. I find it hard to digest many of these parenting Instagram accounts because they seem to have a “one size fits all” mentality.

There’s also a lot of pressure on certain “scripts” and this overbearing feeling that if you don’t respond to a child’s “bad” behavior in a certain way, they’ll be scarred for life and require years of therapy for undoing. So much pressure is being put on parents (and more so mothers) these days; it’s pretty traumatic.

I’ve tried gentle parenting. I’ve tried a stricter style of parenting. I’ve tried more of a “free range” style of parenting. In the end, I find myself flustered, screaming, breaking down, exhausted, and all of the above. And most importantly, I froze at the moment, almost paralyzed in self-doubt. What method or line should I use here?! It’s debilitating. And my children’s behavior wasn’t changing much at all.

Now, I do feel like there are certain parenting tips that I’ve picked up over the years that have helped me as a mother of four very unique, boisterous, messy, strong-willed children. And I’m still holding to those. Some of those include:

• Treat others as you’d like to be treated.
• Model the behavior you want your children to have. This is a big one for me, and I was doing it all wrong. It’s not all about saying please and thank you in front of your kids. It’s modelling the small interactions and conflict/resolution interactions especially. For example, if my husband asks me for a bite of my sandwich and I’m like, “No! It’s mine. I’m hungry!” then why would I think my kids would share? You have to always think, “What behavior would I want my kid to exhibit?” It’s so tough to do, but once you let it click in, you become a better person anyway, so it’s a win-win!
• Never succumb to a power struggle. You’re in charge as the parent, and you decide whether to power struggle. Both are your decisions, and you are in control of which way it’s going to go, so if you pick not to engage in power struggles, it’s not giving in… it’s acknowledging that your kids are kids and whatever you’ve “given in to” to avoid the power struggle can be used later on to encourage good behavior (for instance, when your child is asking to do something they love, you simply say, “Remember when I asked you to put your shoes on yourself and you wouldn’t? Well, I wish you had because now I don’t have time to play that game with you, but if you had put your shoes on like I had asked, we would have time.”)
• Positive discipline is always a guiding principle, but with certain limits and nuances that I’ve set after reading Hunt, Gather, Parent.

Hunt, Gather, Parent – A Parenting Method

Now, the issue I realized I had with all of the parenting methods we see out there that I didn’t realize was the issue until I read Hunt, Gather, Parent? The children are positioned at the center of our worlds, almost on a pedestal. And nearly everywhere else in the literal world other than the USA, the child is not at the center but simply a PART of the world, just as adults are.

This book is about looking at ancient cultures and seeing how they can teach us about raising happy, confident, helpful kids. The key word: helpful. The author submerses herself and her daughter in these cultures for months at a time to observe, learn, and understand why the children in these cultures are “better behaved,” more adjusted, helpful members of the family and community, don’t have overwhelming tantrums, and how there is little to no yelling in the household. Oh, and how the parents seem to enjoy their time when they’re out with their children and can have conversations with other adults.

Before I dive into what I got from the book, here are a few disclaimers I’ll make:

• These ancient cultures don’t have access to what we do in the USA, which makes it easier (in my opinion) to make the parenting choices that they do, purely based off of the lack of resources and access. The USA caters to children in a huge way and that’s part of the problem, but we live here, so it’s hard to ignore it completely.
• Furthermore, to the first point, we live in the New York City metro area, where access is pretty much the highest in the country. Everything is within walking distance, and between child-focused immersive experiences and immense pressures to be enrolled in extracurriculars from a young age, it’s certainly a high-stakes place to live—much different than a place like the Mayan villages where the author explores.
• The main reason these cultures can parent the way they do is that they have many generations living in communities and often households, so there is always a lot of help from family and friends. If you don’t have that privilege (as I don’t), it makes it unattainable to achieve some of the parenting wins outlined in the book.
• You have to take the book’s main themes and adapt them to your own life reasonably. For instance, living in the NYC area in 2023, I’m not going to have the expectations to lead a similar life to the Inuits in Alaska and thus be able to parent as they do. For example, when we go to a park in NYC in 2023, I can’t just stick my head in a book and let my kids play. There are predators in cities, and the parks are massive, and there are so many kids running around, so it’s not as simple and much more nuanced.
• In our culture, both the mother and father work in many households. It’s impossible for many of us to bring our children to work (as the author suggests sometimes). Thus, we end up hiring nannies or putting our children into daycare when they’re not yet of school age. Unfortunately, this is another way we let children grow up at the center, with all this emphasis put on their success and entertainment.

To conclude, many of the principles and ideas in the book wouldn’t work for our family based on where we live and our society. However, there are ways to adapt those ideas to fit our family, which I am doing more of every day and finding helpful.

I love the book’s introduction, which explains why Americans parent the way they do. It’s fascinating!

What Changed After Reading “Hunt, Gather, Parent”

First off, read the book. I’d even recommend returning to this blog post and re-reading it after you’ve read the book because it’ll hit differently. My jaw was practically dropping at every page turn. I just couldn’t believe what I was reading! I was desperate to try it out on my own kids.

Entertainment and Kids

This was the biggest takeaway, so I’m going to start here. I think where I failed most as a parent was misunderstanding entertainment and our (the parents’) role in providing that entertainment. So, let me explain where I was at with this. Right before I read the book, I was buying toys on Fridays “in preparation” for the weekends. Nothing expensive or crazy, but maybe it’s a new coloring book, a water gun, a board game or a little $5 art kit.

Whatever it was, I was always thinking about my weekends not in, “What are Lu and I going to do this weekend?” but instead, I was thinking, “How are we going to entertain the kids all day?” I was either booking some immersive new experience that opened up in NYC or planning playdates or thinking about driving to an aquarium or zoo or something like that.

The author realizes through her travels that children just want to feel like important members of the family/community and be heard. They inherently want to help. The author encourages you to welcome and accept the help. What the author realized is that the simple act of folding laundry, cleaning dishes, mopping floors, washing windows, cooking meals, and all other jobs that you have to do to keep the house and family running is what we should be having our children do as entertainment for two reasons: a) they want to help genuinely, and b) then you’re not doing these chores when the kids are napping or asleep, you get to enjoy your downtime too and your kids are helpful.

Eventually, the idea is that the children become aware of when chores need to be done, and they do them without prompting. She advises one prompt an hour and not to overtask your kids. The beauty of this idea is that because your kids are spending so much time doing these chores with you that they view as entertainment, then you don’t have to get on the floor and play with Legos with them – you’ve already filled that cup for them, and they’ll happily play with their toys without you. Now, if you genuinely enjoy playing Legos with them, that’s on you, but your child won’t yearn for your attention 24/7 because they get it when they’re helping you.

And let me note that this doesn’t mean we don’t do child-centred activities sometimes. I did limit the number of birthday parties I attended this year (I had to put my foot down), and we still keep some activities that the kids love and thrive in (Luca’s soccer is something he loves, and we love to watch him play). We’ll go to events and places that are geared toward kids, but it’s never something we don’t think we’d enjoy also (I’m saying no to the trampoline park, for example.) We went to Disneyworld because I genuinely wanted to relive my childhood magic!

Here are some chores that I have the kids do that I wasn’t doing with them before:

• Setting the table for meals
• Cooking – see my note below on slowing down.
• Cleaning dishes and unloading/loading the dishwasher
• Cleaning the floors and windows
• Going to the grocery store with me
• Running errands – the post office, the dry cleaners, the pharmacy, wherever and whatever
• Folding clothes (they help me with my own laundry because their nanny does theirs)
• Raking leaves in the backyard
• Helping unload groceries and put them away
• Taking things out of their backpack after school/camp and putting things in the garbage/laundry/lunchboxes in the sink
• Making snacks for the twins (the twins have a morning and afternoon snack, so Luca will often prepare it)

It works instantly. And most importantly, when my kids don’t want to help, I don’t force them. However, if it’s a moment that I need them to do something to help and they’re unwilling, I use the trick that the author gives. Later in the day, when my kids want to do something (for example, they want to come to the grocery store with me), I remind them of the moment earlier when they didn’t help me when I needed it. I say, “If you want to come to the grocery store next time, you’ll need to help me when I need it.”

The author segments things into two categories: big kid things and baby things. She says, “Going to the grocery store is for big kids. You didn’t show me that you are a big kid earlier when I asked you to wipe up that spilt milk. You won’t go to the store and will stay home with Daddy and the babies.” It’s not shaming them because you don’t do it when it happens. You teach them a lesson later after you’ve already cleaned up the mess yourself. None of the shaming and threats like, “You better clean that up right now or you’re not coming to the grocery store with me later!” That’s shaming and threatening.

Slowing Down for Your Children

Now, I know what you’ll say next (because I said it while reading this book.): “But cooking is my time to myself. I don’t want to make a bigger mess and take double the time. I just want to cook and move on, I don’t have all that time!” So, like anything, it will cost you some extra time in the beginning. However, it’s worth it if you slow down your life to have time for this very important work with your kids. Or, perhaps you prep certain things with the kids on the weekends when you have more downtime so that during the week, when you’re pinched for time, things are easier and quicker.

To make this time and slow down, the author recommends taking a look at all that you do in a week and anything that is 100% child-centred, cut it from your schedule. Now, that’s easier said than done because if your child genuinely loves gymnastics and is competitive in gymnastics, you’re not going to cut it. It’s easier to do when your kids are very young (like 2-5, which is the age range my kids are in and hers, and that’s who the book is geared towards) because there are very few activities that a 2 or 3-year-old is doing that is necessary.

For Roma and Luca, they were signed up for an activity every single day after school. Basketball, sports class, art school, soccer, you name it, they were signed up. It was stressful carting them from school to classes (sometimes we’d have to drive!) and I always felt like I’d come home and be so exhausted from the 2 hours with them (where I wasn’t really spending quality time with them) and then I’d tell them to watch TV or play while I cooked dinner. When they’d ask to help, I’d say no immediately because I only had 30 to 45 minutes to make dinner before the twins came home with the nanny for mealtime. It was awful!

I cut every single activity. And you know what the kids said? NOTHING! They were so happy to just be with me. We’d run all of my errands (I’d save them for after school, which was nice because I got to spend my day doing work or things that filled my cup, not running around doing errands in preparation of entertaining them after school.) After my errands, we’d come back and from A to Z, we’d make dinner. Sometimes Roma would get bored and I’d say, “You can go play, honey; come back when you want to help again.” Maybe if she weren’t in a helpful mood, I’d prompt her by saying, “Roma, come cut the cucumbers for the salad tonight. I’ll set you up with your own cutting board.” And she’d run over and help.

The more you let your kids cook with you or do certain chores with you, the easier it gets for you and for them. You may already be baking with your kids – they get better and better at pouring those dry and wet ingredients into the bowl and spill less and less. There’s a big adjustment stage but once they’ve got it down, it’s really nice to have help in the kitchen and you won’t dread it.

To start, the author recommends (based on what the ancient cultures do) starting small. Maybe your younger child gets all of the ingredients out of the fridge and pantry for you. Then you thank them for the help, offer them to watch you, and just let them know that once they’ve watched you a few times and learn how to do it, they can try. And you keep leveling up, giving them more and more tasks so they feel like they’re learning alongside you. For me, I’d let Luca pour the ingredients into the hot pan. Then, a week later, he started stirring. And now, he’ll pour and stir.

The kids feel like they’re contributing to the family so it gives them confidence, validation, and again, you’re spending a lot of quality time with them WHILE you’re teaching them valuable life skills. It was ground breaking for me.

The book encourages you to be “together” with your kids and do things that the adults enjoy and bring the kids along. For example, if you like hiking, bring your kids hiking. If you like music, bring your kids to a concert. If you love dining out, bring your kids out to dinners. If you constantly bring your kids to experience what you love experiencing, they’ll grow to love it and then when you do things together, you’re truly enjoying it together and your weekends and free time aren’t focused on doing kid activities (which tend to overstimulate them anyway!)

Talking and Praising Your Children Less

I recorded how many times I said good job during a “play session” with the twins one day after reading this book, and it was embarrassing. Hunt, Gather, Parent talks a lot about how we demand too much attention from kids and in return, they demand it back.

Another principle I love in this book is that the author encourages you not to over-talk! I mean that the more you talk to a child during a misbehaving situation, the more they continue to misbehave. If you’re engaging with them, they’ll continue to engage with you. However, if you simply let them know the boundary and then walk away, the conversation has ended.

This goes along with praise. Now, I’m a lover, and I love my kids so much and I’m constantly impressed by all that they do, and I just want to scream “Good job!” just when they breath because every moment is a gift. However, “good job” is kind of an empty expression because we over use it. Instead of saying good job, these ancient cultures “acknowledge.” In few words, they acknowledge when children do things well or help.

This is all the validation kids want – they want to be part of something! For example, when one of the twins puts something in the garbage for me that’s across the room (that I didn’t ask them to do!) I walk over to them and say, “Thank you for picking up the garbage!” but not “Good job!” With the older kids, I may say something like, “That’s very helpful; you saved mommy some time.” The author encourages you to give your kids a sense of competency, autonomy, and thus connectedness to the family. That’s all connected to being a big kid, so I’ll often say, “That’s a big kid thing to do!”

Furthermore, I learned to be more quiet after reading this book. When I speak to them, I don’t raise my voice as much anymore. I keep everything at a lower tone. There have been a few times when I wanted to pull my hair out, but I thought of this book and the chapter on the Inuits, took a deep breath, and imagined myself somewhere peaceful, and didn’t yell. I keep it calm, cool, and collected, which helps de-escalate. To the author’s point, when you yell at children, they stop listening.

As the author says, “Fewer words create less resistance” and less stress!

Handling Your Kids’ Bad Behavior

The most powerful part of the book is when the author says to “expect children to misbehave.” It was like the guilt was instantly released. We’re so focused on controlling bad behavior, we forget that some of it is normal and that’s the stuff we use as teaching moments. On page 155, she says that in the US, “we overestimate children’s emotional abilities” and “we expect children at a very young age” to understand “sophisticated emotional concepts such as respect, generosity, and self-control.” That let me breathe a bit.

Now, when the kids act up, there aren’t punishments.

I start by explaining to the child why I need them to behave a certain way or do something they’re unwilling to do. There’s no validating of feelings like, “I know you’re tired…” It’s, “Mommy has a lot to do before everyone comes over for our party. If you don’t help me clean up your toys, I won’t be ready in time and so I need your help.” I’ll throw in a, “You’re an important part of the family, I need you to help more.” That always gets them going.

I find that it’s hard for me NOT to threaten. I think I’m just hard-wired to threaten (it’s been ingrained in me), and so when I feel that urge coming in, I’ll now instead threaten what the author calls “natural consequences.” So if there’s still refusing to help clean up to help me get ready, I’ll say, “If you don’t clean up your toys, someone may trip and get hurt, and then we have to end the party.” The old me would say, “If you don’t clean up your toys, you’re not getting any cake at the party!”

Sometimes, I will say things in the moment like, “Do you want to be a baby or a big kid? A big kid knows it’s time to get up and pick up their toys.” They already know what it means to be a baby (babies don’t get to do big kid things) and so that usually works well.

So what do you do if they never pick up the toys? I pick them up. Say no to the power struggle because everyone loses. Later in the day, I’ll leverage that situation when my kid doesn’t pick up their toys. If my kid asks me to help them do something at the party, I’ll say, “No, because you didn’t help pick up your toys earlier, and now I don’t have time for that,” and walk away. While they didn’t immediately correct the behavior, we’re building upon it, and that’s what’s most important. You’re not trying to raise obedient little robots, and you’re trying to raise helpful, connected little humans.

Other tips when children are misbehaving is to introduce touch (pick them up, hug them, etc), bring them outside (just get some fresh air!), ignore it completely (this is tough in certain situations like if you’re outside of the home,)  or change the environment so that the behavior can’t exist in that other environment (maybe move a dangerous toy out of the way.) But you’ll have to read Hunt, Gather, Parent to get the full toolkit!

If everything is spiralling and I have no idea what to do with the bad behavior, I offer a responsibility. If Roma screams because she doesn’t want me to do her hair, I say, “Come help me organize your hair tie box and pick out a bow for your hair; it’s such a mess, I need help.” And yes, it may take an extra few minutes, but the tantrum ends immediately, and I get help! A lot of the time, when they’re cranky, they just feel helpless and kind of useless, like they’re floundering and need help. Giving them a sense of value is usually the help they need.

I feel like we’re in a great place behaviorally with the kids, and I attribute a lot of that contentment to this book. It really gave me the perspective shift I needed, and while I don’t stay 100% consistent with this mentality (because I’m human and I often regress to old tactics when I’m not connected myself), at least I know that when I center myself, I can be the kind of parent I want to be. I hope you find this post and this book helpful in your parenting journey.

Ask the author!

I have so many follow up questions myself, and I’m sure you do too after either reading this blog post or reading Hunt, Gather, Parent. This blog post barely touches the surface of the book, so I really encourage you to grab a copy and read it and then come back to this post and drop a question for Michaeleen in the comments. I’ll be writing a follow up Q&A style blog post, where she answers these questions for us! I can’t wait!

The post The Parenting Book That Changed How I Parent: Part 1 appeared first on Inspiralized.

Our First Trip to Disney World

When I was younger, my parents took us to Disney World a few times. It was always such a magical trip, and I have very fond memories of the park. I wanted to go there sometime when Luca was in that 5-6 range, because I feel like that’s when kids truly still believe in the unbelievable type of magic. Like, they still think Mickey Mouse is a real person, you know? And when they go into the character restaurants and they say that the Beast is coming to greet you, they really truly believe that is the beast from Beauty & the Beast.

For Roma, she had just turned 4 (literally the week before) and I’d say that while she is in that sweet spot too, she’s a tiny bit young, because it’s a lot for her. If I had more time, I would’ve liked to make it a longer trip and done more half days and built in pool afternoons to cool down and relax. Disney is a lot of stimulation and even though they’re in a stroller for most of it, they are standing on lines and the on and off of rides is a lot on their little bodies. However, both kids had a blast and they truly got to experience the magic of Disney.

My parents drove up from the West Palm Beach area to meet us in Orlando and enjoy the kids’ first Disney experience, so it was so nice to spend that time together. It was tough leaving the twins behind, but it would’ve been too much with them (queue the hundreds of diaper changes!)

A few notes:

• We lucked out with weather despite the rainy forecast. The first day, it rained on and off a bit in the afternoon and the kids ended up getting stuck in one little rain downpour but it was a total core memory – splashing in the puddles, filling their shoes up with water, and just enjoying that moment.
• We used a guide. Juan from Theme Park Concierges was with us on both days. This was the best money I’ve ever spent (ha!) and he basically did everything from booking our dining reservations to physically walking with us throughout the entire park all day, guiding us along to each ride. We didn’t have to think about a single thing (I didn’t look at my Disney App once) and it allowed us to be present the entire time (and go on more rides!) He times everything so that you go on Lightning Lanes and never have to wait in a single line! If you can splurge, splurge on this! He was such a friendly, kind person and my kids loved him, high fiving him after they’d get out of every ride (where he’d be waiting with our stroller, ready to walk to the next ride!) I’ll never do Disney without a guide!
• We rented a stroller through Babyquip. We are so happy we did this because we saw the Disney strollers and there’s not nearly enough storage for what we had and it didn’t look padded or comfortable at all. We forgot to rent a rain cover for the stroller, so my mother brought a shower curtain last minute, which worked perfectly! The rental was a Baby Jogger double stroller which was perfect – both kids ended up napping in it easily.
• We stayed at The Contemporary hotel and I really recommend it – friendly, spacious rooms, fun things for kids throughout (like an arcade!) It was connected to the Monorail and was under a 10 minute walk to Magic Kingdom.
• Every morning at the hotel, we grabbed some bagels and cream cheese to go at the hotel’s “grab & go” breakfast (they also had hot sandwiches and things, but we just wanted something quick.) They have a little coffee shop in the lobby that had oat milk, so that’s where I got my coffee fill every day!

I’m going to break down the itinerary day by day so you can see how we did it and what we packed. I hope you find this post helpful and be sure to leave a comment and I’ll happily respond as they come in.

What We Brought To The Parks Each Day

In my crossbody bag that I wore all day:

• Wallet
• This neck fan (loved it, the kids used it too.)
• Hand sanitizer
• Cell phone
• Poncho (this one)
• Snack for myself (I packed Mezcla bars for the trip!)

In the stroller:

• Snacks (Pretzels, Apples, Clementines, Protein bars, Raisins) – I wish I had packed a few more snacks in my suitcase, but we survived!
• Water (tip: refrigerate water in your hotel fridge and then pour it into reusable water bottles that are insulated so the water stays chilled and then you can buy new water at the park and refill)
• Change of clothes for myself and a pair of comfortable walking shoes if my sneakers got soaked
• Changes of clothes for each child and a pair of Crocs if sneakers got wet.
• Cool towels (I never used them but my mother did)
• Spray bottle to mist ourselves in the heat (we never used them)
• Extra gallon Ziploc bags to use as “wet bags” for soaked clothing
• Phone charger with an extended cord
• Ponchos for the kids (got these cute ones)

Our Itinerary

Here is a day by day of our entire trip:

Arrival Day

We arrived to MCO (Orlando) airport at about 6pm and my parents picked us up. We drove to the hotel (we stayed at The Contemporary hotel) and we went up to our room, dropped our stuff off, and headed right to Chef Mickey’s, the restaurant in the hotel where we had a character dinner. It was a buffet and all the characters come out to greet you and take photos at every table. Very sweet! Then we headed to the arcade for a little bit and then up to dinner for shower and bed.

Park Day 1: Epcot and Animal Kingdom

We met our guide at 7:50am at the Disney Beach Club Resort and we walked to Epcot from there (we were able to enter and park in the parking lot because he got us a dining reservation there.) My thoughts on Epcot are that it’s definitely a park more geared towards adults but the kids loved the rides, it just wasn’t as “magical” as Magic Kingdom.

The rides we went on were, in order:

• Ratatouille (probably our favorite!)
• Soarin’ (very cool simulator where you sit and “soar” over major wonders of the world/beautiful naturescapes)
• Test Track (you build your own car and then ride in it – the kids loved this, the cars go so fast!)
• Guardians of the Galaxy (my favorite ride in all of Disney, but I’m a big coaster girl, but Luca cried afterwards, it’s definitely not for the faint of heart! Roma didn’t meet the height requirement)
• Frozen ride (you sit in a little boat and it takes you through the story of Frozen – it was meh.)

We took a break after the Frozen ride to dine at Akershus Restaurant. We did this because everyone said it’s a great opportunity to meet many Disney princesses (they were right! Aurora, Belle, Ariel, Tiana, and Snow White were all there!) It was very sweet and Roma loved it. However, the food was terrible (I ended up grabbing tacos in “Mexico” afterwards because I couldn’t even eat the food.) We ended up eating at Cinderella’s Royal Table the next day where all the princesses are, so I wish I had known that and skipped Akershus. You live and you learn! It was also a very dark restaurant, not bright and airy like some of the other ones.

After Epcot, we went back to our car and drove to Animal Kingdom. The kids loved Animal Kingdom, especially the Safari ride (highly recommend!) where they saw hippos, giraffes, lions, and so many other animals. It’s a fun bumpy ride! I wish we had more time in Animal Kingdom, but we went on some great rides, like:

• Na’vi River Journey – a beautiful sit down ride where it takes you through the Na’vi River – stunning.
• Flight of Passage (my father and I went on this together without the kids!)- it’s an Avatar simulator ride where you’re riding on one of the birds flying through Pandora, pretty amazing.
• It’s Tough To Be a Bug! – my mom went on this with the kids while my father and I were on the Avatar ride. She said they got a little scared!
• Dinosaur – this ride actually scared both my kids and myself! It was pretty intense!

After we were done with the rides, we ended the day with dinner at Tiffin’s which was a pleasant surprise – the food was great and they were very friendly there. It was a great experience!

Park Day 2: Magic Kingdom

What a day! Magic Kingdom is exactly that – magic! From the moment you walk in, it’s just incredible. The production level is amazing, they keep the park pristine, and the Disney staff are so friendly, accommodating, and helpful. Here are the rides we did (I may be missing one or two!) I wish we had two days in Magic Kingdom!

• Thunder Mountain (probably our favorite!)
• Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin- a laser ride!
• Dumbo the Flying Elephant
• Tron (my father and I did this – it was good but not as great as Guardians at Epcot!)
• Haunted Mansion – the kids definitely got frightened here and it wasn’t as scary as I had remembered it, kind of cheesy – I’d skip it!
• “It’s a Small World” – this is great for younger kids and a nice long ride if you need a break.
• Mad Tea party – the spinning cups!
• The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh – Luca went on this while I was at Bippity Boppity with Roma.
• Peter Pan’s Flight – I loved this one, a fun little flying ride.
• Pirates of the Caribbean – Roma got a little spooked on this one, I loved it – amazing, real-life pirates in there!
• Seven Dwarfs Mine Train – a great coaster, I love how you go outside for part of it!
• Space Mountain – Luca, my father, and I went on this one because Roma didn’t meet the height limit.
• Under the Sea – Little Mermaid: this was cute, just a nice little sit down ride.
• Tomorrowland Speedway – you drive your own cars on a speedway, but it was smelly and you can’t really “drive,” you’re on a track.
• Goofy’s Sky School: this was such a great starter coaster, great little thrill!

For lunch, we went to Be Our Guest, which many had warned me against that it wasn’t great, but the kids loved it, the food was good (not great), they had a great interactive dessert where you paint Chip the little teapot from the movie, and you can walk in different rooms to see the beast’s rose, some knight armor, and the place itself is stunning. I’d definitely recommend, but you don’t see Belle. If you do want to see Belle, around the corner, is The Enchanted Tales with Belle, which ended up being an interactive experience where the kids acted out the love story of Beauty and the Beast – it was hilarious and my kids loved it (definitely use the lightning lane!)

After lunch, we went on more rides and then ended before our 4:10pm appointment at the Bibbity Boppity Boutique in Cinderella’s Castle (you need to make a reservation in advance!) This was an unforgettable core memory for me, seeing Roma being transformed into a princess! It’s done so well – first you get to pick your dress (she chose Anna), then you go into a fitting room where the mirror turns into a short film with the fairy godmother talking to you. She got dressed and then you go into the salon where they do a hair styling of your choice (she chose a unicorn ponytail), makeup, and paint your nails. You get a goody bag with a little fairy godmother necklace, makeup, a brush, and some nail polish. It was perfect and she ate it all up.

Then, it was time for dinner at Cinderella’s Table and what a way to end! When you first enter, you have a personal meet and greet with Cinderella and then, upon sitting down, all the princesses come to each table to say hello, Aurora, Snow White, Ariel, and Jasmine. The food was the best meal we had that trip and there was a decorate your own cupcake interactive dessert. It was a beautiful setting and a great way to end the trip!

We walked back, saying goodbye to Disney and took the monorail back to the hotel for fun. We got back, showered, and sat on our balcony and watched the fireworks. Although you’re far away, it’s a gorgeous, expansive view of the fireworks and it was the perfect send off!

Departure Day

We flew back in the morning, so we grabbed our bagels and headed to the airport, where my parents dropped us off!

The One Thing I Wish I Had Done Differently

My choice of outfit! I bought Disney character shirts because I thought it would be cute, but honestly, athletic sweat-wicking material is better! Next time we go, I’ll simply bring my Disney princess crossbody, buy Minnie ears, and wear those tennis dresses with built in shorts (like this) or wear extra loose tank tops with bike shorts.

All in all, we’ll definitely be back to Disney in a couple of years, and so glad we did this trip and waited until Roma turned 4 to go!

The post Our First Trip to Disney World appeared first on Inspiralized.

Now, I’m not a religious person. I look at religion as something that is always there for me if I want to discover it. I’ve learned about major religions as part of a college curriculum (I went to a Baptist-affiliated college, so Intro to Religion was a required course) but nothing ever resonated with me. I grew up with a Jewish mother who was atheist and a Roman Catholic father who was agnostic, although he grew up as an altar boy with very religious parents.

I think all of the good values that religion teaches us has become engrained in me, and I like to think that I’m a spiritual person, but I don’t subscribe to a certain belief system. However, I am aware that  many of the values that I have myself are derivatives of a religious background.

It’s a funny thing, becoming a parent and continuing traditions you had as a child as although you’re on autopilot and not asking any questions. For example, stuffing Easter baskets. I have some vivid memories of waking up at my grandparents’ house (we always slept over the Saturday before Easter Sunday) to the sumptuous smells of cinnamon honey butter toast and looking over the corner of the couch (we always liked to sleep on the couch, for some reason!) and seeing my overflowing Easter basket.

Growing Up with Religion and Holidays

My grandparents on my father’s side are Italian and Catholic. Growing up, my grandparents always went to church (my grandmother never skips a day unless it’s an illness or something serious but my grandfather wasn’t as allegiant) and even brought us a few times. They celebrated all the religious holidays and always included us in the celebration, as we were their only grandchildren (my Aunt – my father’s brother – never had any children.)

I loved the family gatherings so much and my grandparents always made it clear what we were celebrating and explained it all to me. I always felt like I was just spending time with family in a festive way, never paying much mind to the reasons behind it, even though they were clearly explained to me. It just made me feel like PART of something. I loved that feeling. I loved the extra fun time with family, the food, the fun, and of course… the little treats and presents!

And that’s exactly what I’m doing. I want my children to feel part of something. I want them to treasure these festive moments as children. And whenever they do ask me something like, “What’s Easter?”, I explain it to them as it’s something that we grew up celebrating because of Baba (my father/their grandfather) and what he grew up believing in. They rarely ask, but it has happened a couple of times, and they don’t ask anymore questions. For me, it’s more about honoring a family tradition. Yes, it’s rooted in religion, and that religion (even though I don’t necessarily subscribe to it) is part of who I am and how I was raised, so I’m happy to continue it.

As for my Jewish side, we never grew up with much Jewish influence. I attended a few older cousins’ Bar and Bat Mitzvahs and we played dreidel for a handful of Hanukkahs, but that was it. There were no seders, no Yom Kippur, no temple, no Hebrew school. For me, I recognize that I am Jewish by blood (23andMe says I’m 49.5% Ashkenazi Jewish,) and I appreciate that part of my identity. Unfortunately, I wasn’t as exposed to the Judaic religious celebrations and traditions, so I’m not continuing them with our kids.

Religion In Our Home

Since neither Lu nor I are religious as adults (he grew up Catholic,) we’ve talked about how we want to approach religion with our family and we’re open. If any of our children discovered religion for themselves, we’d be happy to let them explore that. When they find partners that are part of a certain religious denomination, we’ll be thrilled for them to join that community of believers (barring any whacky cults, of course- ha!)

All we know is that we’ll continue to honor the traditions that we had growing up as children and respect the religious background of those traditions. We’ve brought Luca to church a couple of times out of his own interest, actually. We’re happy to keep exposing them and if they want to explore a certain religion while they’re young, we’ll encourage it.

Easter Basket Stuffing Ideas

Now, my grandparents were definitely MAXIMALISTS. They lived life to the brim, whether that’s splurging on good wines at dinner or packing the presents under the Christmas tree. Everything was always big. I love that about them – when my grandfather passed away, I remember thinking, “What a life he got to live, nothing was left undone!” I loved Easter especially, because it not only happened around springtime with chirping birds, warmer temperatures, and budding flowers, but it also included an Easter egg hunt and lots of chocolate bunnies and Jelly Beans. I just have so much love in my heart for Easter, and I’m aware of what it means for Christians, which I find beautiful.

I’ll be sharing my Easter basket on Instagram, so stay tuned for that, but in the meantime, here are some basket stuffer ideas!

All of the products in this collage are linked here.

All of the products in this collage are linked here.

Happy Easter to those who celebrate! 

The post Easter Basket Stuffer Ideas & My Thoughts On Religious Holiday Traditions With Kids appeared first on Inspiralized.