My Restaurant Activity & Toy Bag: What I Pack For My Kids

Let me preface this post by saying that you do not need any of these things. You can simply pack your kids up, go to a restaurant, and be. However, if you have four very energetic, curious, and young neurotypical kids as I do and want something to keep them occupied while you have an adult conversation, I’ve got you!

Also, no shame at all to the parents who bring iPads/devices to restaurants. Whatever works for your family is all that matters! We have a dear friend who’s child is neurodivergent and the only way they can survive a meal out is with headphones and an iPad. Everyone is different and whatever lets you sip your coffee, wine, or mocktail in peace is all that matters!

If you’re new here, I have 4 kids currently and this post is written for them at their ages of 3, 3, 5, and 7. I’m sure this list will change as they’re all a bit older (and one day I won’t need a restaurant bag!)

A few things about this restaurant bag:

• It’s a backpack! I find it’s easier to carry (I’m usually carrying a toddler, so those big shoulder totes get too clumsy.)
• I always pack the basics in there along with the toys and activities – hand sanitizer and baby wipes.
• I try to keep it simple – drawing, stickers, building.
• I always pack this bag on a Friday so that it’s ready for the weekend! It might need a mid-weekend purge/repack if we’re going out a lot in one weekend, but it usually stays in the car and I bring it back in on Sunday evening.
• I like to add something new or exciting each week – this can be simple, like one weekend I put some Bandaids in a change purse. THE LEVEL OF EXCITEMENT!
• Avoid something that will be very messy for restaurant servers – like slime. Playdough can even get a little dicey. It’s also age dependent (my 5 & 7 year olds can handle Playdough, but it’s tough to do with my 3 year old twins.) Or, be prepared to clean up a lot during/after your meal.

What’s In My Restaurant Activity & Toy Bag

• Blank drawing pads: I love these, because the sheets rip out easily, but it’s all contained in one place.
• Mess-free marker activity books: These are especially good for my 3 year old twins but they don’t quite excite my older kids as much.
• Retractable markers: these are easier for me to keep in order in my bag, because I don’t have to go searching for marker caps.
• Silky crayons: my older kids love silky crayons (they’re more sensorially exciting than standard crayons)
• Retractable coloring pencils: you never need a sharpener!
• Stickers: honestly my kids just always go crazy for stickers. They’ll stick them on our arms or on a piece of paper, a doll, a car, whatever.
• Coloring pages: I will print a few of these out – I find that my kids will rarely color from a coloring book, but they love a printed coloring page (I think it’s the weight of the paper?) I love iHeartCraftyThings.com for hers!
• Puzzle books: my oldest LOVES these puzzle books, and he’s usually working on one, so we’ll throw it in the bag.
• Mini magnetic blocks: these blocks are wonderful, but they’re pretty small, so be sure to check your surroundings before you leave (they’re easy to leave behind!) They come with a little building guide with examples, but my kids love to free build.
• Magnetic men: when you get to a restaurant and the table is metal, you know it’s going to be a good mealtime. These magnetic men are great, they stick on most silverware, but they’re great too on those metal tables or chairs.
• Handheld water game: I’m not sure what to even call this, but it’s nostalgic, and my older kids love these.
• Sticker books: my daughter adores these sticker books and they’re definitely better for that 5+ age range (for full self-sufficiency.)
• Water color books: these are great for restaurants, because you don’t have to bring extra paints – everything is within the coloring book!
• A book: a scratch and sniff, a lift the flap, or a seasonal book (loving this one!) is always in there. This just requires more one-on-one time. Once the older kids are fluent readers, I’ll definitely bring books for them in the bag.
• Legos: I’ll throw a handful of Legos in a Stasher bag with a 10 x 10 baseplate.
• Playdough: if you dare! Jokes aside, my kids are actually pretty good with Playdough, and it’s generally easy to clean up. I draw a hard line at slime!

I hope you found this post helpful! 

The post My Restaurant Activity & Toy Bag: What I Pack For My Kids appeared first on Inspiralized.

Q&A With The Author of Hunt, Gather, Parent

As you may know by now (especially if you’ve read my initial post on Hunt, Gather, Parent), I am a big fan of Michaeleen Doucleff’s book. I’m always looking for ways to raise better people and simplify the parental experience. I found this all in Doucleff’s book. I keep it at my desk and find myself turning to it often.

Many of you had questions about her philosophy (as did I), and she kindly answered your questions that you submitted through Instagram. So, let’s get those questions answered.

Hi Michaeleen! I recently finished your book and got so much value from it as a parent of two children ages 2 and 4. Thank you so much for your work. One part that I found tricky to grapple with was your suggestion to remove (most) toys from the home. I am an early childhood educator, and believe that “play is the work of childhood.” I’m pretty thoughtful about what comes into our home, so wondered what your perspective is on play?

Thank you so much for this thoughtful question. I totally agree that play is the “work” of children. Historically, play is the way children have learned the work of their parents– e.g. how to forage for tubers, how to use a bow and arrow, how to hunt, how to sew, how to cook. As the psychologist Suzanne Gaskins explained: children turn to play (and are pointed to play by their parents) when they don’t have access to the real world, when they’re not ready to help their parents directly but are still practicing.

That all said, children do not need toys (or very many) to play. In fact, they didn’t have them for thousands of years. Having many toys around the home is a very recent phenomenon. As I explain in the book, parents buying toys for children really started toward the end of the Industrial Revolution when companies realized they could make a lot of money selling toys (and having a room devoted only to toys is really only decades old). Before then, children made their own toys. They made them out of items around the home or outside. Or they played with adult items that weren’t needed anymore or were downsized for a child. Here the “toy” has a clear purpose: to teach an adult skill.

For example, in Tanzania, dads made miniature bow and arrows for the toddlers to carry around and practice. Or up in the Arctic, parents gave children old, dull harpoon ends, as well as wooden boxes, to practice “whale” harpooning. Children also practiced hunting together by catching ground moles (again, you can see here how play has a clear purpose: to teach an adult skill). When we were in the Yucatan, a Maya mom gave Rosy a little piece of dough to practice tortilla making. In Western society, parents would give kids little pieces of discarded clothes and sewing needles so they could practice mending and making cloth.

Otherwise, toys from a parent just aren’t necessary. If you have them, I don’t think it’s going to hurt the child. But they do have a downside or cost for many families.

In our family, they cause conflict because my husband and I end up cleaning them up. And I don’t like the clutter. They took up coveted space in our tiny San Franciscan home. I also like our home looking mature and not like a playhouse. So we limited the toys to the ones that Rosy regularly cleaned up herself and took care of. So really it was up to her what toys she has. And it ended up being very little.

Toys also take up time. Personally, I would rather have Rosy play outside (where “toys” are everywhere!). Or focus her indoor time on learning the skills of an adult (reading, writing, cooking) or a hobby for relaxation and teaching focus (knitting, painting, coloring, taking care of animals).

I am interested, how this would be different for only children than for those with siblings. I imagine that there may still be some need for only children to have some child centric activities for socialization with their peers and play skills. I have a five-year-old only child, and he asks for a friend or another kid to play with often if it has been sometime since the last play date or kid outing.

I have thought about this question so much because Rosy is an only child, as well. At first, I felt the same as you. But over time, I’ve realized that only children don’t need more child-centered activities. What they need is more socialization – just like your son is asking for! He is very smart and knows what he needs. And more socialization doesn’t need to involve child-centric activities.

When you travel around the world, you see that kids spend an enormous amount of their free time surrounded by other kids. After about age 3, they spend almost all their time with other kids, of all ages, playing. The rest of their time is spent helping adults. And so with Rosy, I’ve really focused on giving her that – as many opportunities as possible to be around other kids. We open our home to the neighbor kids, invite kids over, take other kids to the park and beach. We make having kids over and being with other kids a top priority.

Unless you sit around watching and playing with the kids yourself, having kids over isn’t child-centered. In fact, it’s the opposite if you let children have autonomy (with minimal interference). Then you can have autonomy as well!

Another great way to bring more socialization into your child’s life is to build an “auntie” network where you work with one or two other families to raise your kids. This brings “cousins” into your family – that is, other kids who become like relatives. But it also brings in alloparents to support the child and to support you! To learn about how to make an auntie network (which I think is really essentially for only children and their parents), read the practical tips sections for the chapter on alloparenting in Hunt, Gather, Parent (Chapter 15)

Hi! I’m reading this book too based on your rec. question for the author: – Do we think this works with neurodivergent kids? – Our OT suggested specific praise/narration consistently to build self worth in the child. I worry your books strategy will erode self worth /confidence by no verbal affirmation and the slightly negative insinuation he’s a “baby” by not helping – Ideas for when you truly HAVE to do something? Thanks

This is a wonderful question. Broadly speaking, absolutely, the main techniques in the Hunt, Gather, Parent — that is the TEAM method (Togetherness, Encouragement, Autonomy, and Minimal interference)— works with neurodivergent kids. Parents all over the world raise neurodivergent kids, and they use this same approach. In fact, I’ve had psychologists tell me that these parenting elements are even more important for many neurodivergent kids. There’s a member of our family, who’s on the autism spectrum, and I’ve found that using the TEAM approach with them has greatly improved our relationship and reduced conflict.

That said, not every specific tool or tip is going to work with every kid. When I travel, and ask parents about whether a method works, they often say, “Well, it depends on the child.” Parents often know exactly how each of their children responds to different motivational tools or parenting strategies. And of course, what a child responds to can shift over time as they grow. So it’s great to observe and then be flexible.

The goal of Hunt, Gather, Parent is to greatly expand your tool box of parenting strategies and tips. So you can experiment a bit and see what resonates with your child. (I also hope the book gives you power and courage to try approaches that parents use all over the world but have been forgotten or even shunned in our society. And to question some of the methods that are presented to us as absolutely required to raise a healthy kid.)

On the topic of praise. Our society, including many clinicians, have decided that children absolutely require praise to have good self-worth. But this idea is outdated, and the scientific evidence simply doesn’t support it. In fact, many cross-cultural psychologists would argue that praise is not the best tool for building self-worth. Inclusion, connection, and contributions are more powerful approaches. Chapters 5 and 6 is a great place to learn more about this.

Research also shows that confidence doesn’t come from praise. What is, arguably, most important for confidence is autonomy— that is, the child feeling like they have a sense of control over their lives. For confidence, I would focus on learning to give the child more autonomy, such as building environments in and around the home where the child can move freely without your supervision (or with only minimal interference), teaching the child skills to have that autonomy (teaching what’s safe and not safe and then practicing that), and going to outdoor places where they can do this. Also, I would learn how to interfere minimally with a child’s activities.

That all said, you are the true expert of your child. As one mom in the Arctic told me: “If something will improve your relationship with your child, do it! If it will hurt your relationship, try another strategy.”

I really enjoyed the book. It was extremely relatable with attainable strategies to adopt. I find that I lean in to the guidance immediately after reading, but tend to “lapse” as time goes on. Since writing the book, what guidance/strategies have stuck most for you as a parent?

Thank you so much. I have the same problem! In fact, while writing the book, I would often go back and re-read the Inuit section to help my anger “relapses.” So I would say, these lapses are totally normal. Because you are changing a habit and a way of thinking about children that you learned from your own parents and society. Both of these are not easy to change.

So I would say go easy on yourself and don’t give up. The great part about parenting is that tomorrow you will have another chance to try again. The opportunities are endless to change and refine.

Also, maybe reread the passages of the book that speak to the ideas you’re trying to reframe. And try talking about your new strategies with friends or your partner. I find that telling others about what I’m trying to do really helps me execute my plan.. Oftentimes I’ll even tell Rosy about new parenting strategies and ask her for help. Maybe I’ll say something like “I’m trying not to yell when I’m angry. Can you tell me when I’m forgetting or relapsing into my own ways.” Boy, is she good at reminding me! And then when I mess up, I just apologize. “Oh, Rosy, you’re right. I’m sorry I’m getting angry. There’s a better way to handle this. And I’m sorry.” (and she gets a nice dose of modeling!)

Finally, remember that small changes can have huge effects on children. The fact that you “lapse” is so much less important than the fact that you’re giving your child opportunities to contribute and help their family. Or you’re giving them the opportunity to see a parent calm and not yell in a stressful situation. Kids don’t need perfection. They just need parents who are real and show real emotions. And are trying to be respectful and cooperative.

I’m intrigued by this book, but haven’t read it yet (I’m on a wait list for it from the library lol). I have an almost 6yo and 3yo. The 3yo has full rage meltdowns that can last for quite awhile and I’m wondering what other tactics might work? We’ve tried the “scripty” responses and validating feelings and all that, but I feel awful it takes her so long to get back to homeostasis. You can see when the release happens. It’s like a switch flips. Need more tactics to get the switch to flip sooner. Thank you!

I am not a big fan of the “scripty” parenting approach. I think kids know right away that’ it’s fake and not genuine. And itt can also come across quite condescending. They can smell condescending and disingenuity from a mile away. And also, all that talking is so stimulating for little children who are often way too stimulated anyway.

When a child is melting down, what they need is calm, calm, calm, calm energy. They need you to be as calm and quiet as possible, and then just to be near them. As I say in the book, “think Mr. Roger’s stoned.” I’m talking about as low energy as possible. (Saying all that “scripty” stuff is not low energy because words are stimulating for little kids.)

So the next time, there’s a meltdown, just go close to the child, slowly… and stand there quietly with the calmest energy possible. Maybe think about how you feel after having a massage. Maybe touch the child gently on the arm. But just be there with a calm energy. Quiet. Still. Quiet. Still.

I guarantee you, the child will calm down. Why? Children’s energy and emotions simply mirror their parents’ energy and emotion. So if you talk and have a strong, high energy, it will take much longer for the child to calm down. But if you are quiet, calm and still, the child will bring their energy down to match yours.

Here’s the amazing part. If you simply stand there, with the calmest energy in the world, the child will learn very quickly how to calm themselves. Because they are actually doing it on their own. You’re simply modeling it for them. So quickly, the tantrums will grow shorter and shorter in time and occur less frequently.

My daughter is 2 years 4 months and in the book it was hard to understand what tactics work with what age groups so can you talk more about that 2-3 age range? 2) screen time is never mentioned on the book, thoughts on that? do we limit it? do we “let the kid do what they want”? how do I handle my daughter constantly want to use my phone for youtube

You are totally right about the book not specifying ages often. That was intentional on my part. Because the tips really do work on kids of all ages, even adults. (Sometimes you need to tweak them a bit for older kids and adults, but it doesn’t take much). In addition, parents around the world tend not to focus so much on a child’s age but rather their skill level or own personal needs. Often, I would ask a parent about “what age can a child do” something, and they almost always said, “It depends on the child.” So parents learn what age is appropriate for a child by watching them and trying out various approaches.

For example, if a 13 year old has never helped with dinner then they will likely need the same strategies as a 3 year old who is just starting off, as well. So maybe think in terms of where they child is in the learning the process, instead of their age.

That all said, age 2, is a fantastic age to get kids involved with all household chores– or really anything you want them to help out with easily, as they grow older. They love helping at this age, and it’s primetime to harness that enthusiasm. It’s also a great age to try all the ideas for more autonomy because toddlers really, really need autonomy (I really recommend the 3 commands per hour for this age to reduce stress and conflict). Stories are great at this age, as well as the dramas, because they really don’t understand logic.

And then the question about screens. Gosh darn screens! I actually intentionally left them out, too, because I felt like the topic needs a whole book. And I’m actually working on that book now. iPads, social media, nonstop streaming, and intense video games are so new to our lives, it’s tough to find an ancient, deeply rooted way of handling them. So I have taken a totally different tact on this topic. Stay tuned! A book will come out a little over a year.

But I did find a few tips around the world about screens. The one that I often think about is: If an object triggers conflict between the parent and the child, then the object is typically kept from the child until they are mature enough to use it without conflict.

Smartphones are deliberately designed to make adults use them constantly (and they work even better on children), so your daughter is always going to want it. If that causes conflict (and not what you want), I would suggest keeping it out of her sight and using it only when she’s not around.

I struggle with the parktime play. I work a lot and I feel like when I am with my kids on the weekends, I should be engaged with them playing at the park. In your book, you say to sit down, read a book and let them know that Mommy is nearby if needed, but I find myself jumping into playing with them, because I feel guilt about not playing with them. What advice do you have about that?

Oh, I do understand how you feel! I played at the park for the first 2.5 years of Rosy’s life. And I did it out of pure guilt. But the truth was, I didn’t enjoy it. And I often wanted to stop playing with her before she wanted me to stop. This generated great conflict. She ended up crying because I stopped too early or I ended up getting angry because playing tired me out.

In the vast majority of cultures, parents don’t play with children. Playing with children seems a bit ridiculous because adults are adults. They don’t join the child world.

But parents do engage with children, quite a lot. And they do that by including children in their lives. By bringing children into the adult world. By including – and welcoming them into their work, chores, hobbies, leisure and social activities. This builds connections with the child, teaches cooperativity, enhances motivation and also teaches the child skills – how to behave in the adult world and skills they need as they grow up (like how to cook, clean but als

Once I learned this, I stopped feeling guilty about not playing with Rosy. In fact, I felt proud that I’m giving Rosy a chance to develop her skills with other children or have a time for her to be just with herself.

I also started bringing her into my world – including her in my work, hobbies, chores, and leisure. Doing this brought us so much closer together than me playing with her. For one, It felt like a more genuine interaction because I wasn’t doing it out of guilt but rather because I really want to include her. Second, I could see how much joy and confidence she gained by being included in my life. This is also how she grows and learns. When I include her in my life, she isn’t just my kid, we’re working together as a team. And she’s contributing in real, meaningful ways to our family.

I loved reading about how some of these mothers from ancient cultures accepted that “kids will be kids” and some of their behaviors are expected. For me, it’s hard to know when to let them run with that behavior and when I should draw a line. Can you perhaps elaborate on what you saw and how the mothers managed that?

This is a wonderful question! And one I’ve thought about a lot. In general, parents that I’ve encountered in hunter-gatherer communities, ignore the vast majority of misbehavior. They literally just ignore it. (Ethnographers and anthropologists have also documented this trend). They rarely ever punish or scold. If a child is literally hurting themselves or others, the parents will interfere and stop it.

But there are few times when parents do point out misbehaviors. That’s when a child isn’t being helpful, generous or kind. Or another way to look at it – when a child isn’t respecting their family, community, or environment. Then parents will let the children know that it’s not acceptable. They will ask questions (“Am I a trash can?” “Am I your mule?” “How do you think that makes your brother feel when you don’t share?”) give consequence puzzles (“You’re going to hurt somebody with that stick”), or simply stating the problem (“That’s unhelpful.” “That’s disrespectful.”). Then later on, they will help teach the child the proper behavior through a story, drama, or conversation.

They don’t do any of this with a loud, boisterous voice or with a lot of emotion. Their tone is more factual and to the point. The goal is not to scold or punish or generate conflict but rather conveying information.

Also, younger children are given way more leeway than older ones because older ones should have much more understanding.

For me, personally, I feel like if Rosy isn’t pulling her weight around the house, then I tell her. Or I ask her: “Are you contributing to the family’s work?” If she’s rude or unkind or disrespectful, I tell her. I ask her, “how do you think that comment makes me feel? Is that kind?” “How would you feel if I said that?” My goal is to teach her kindness, generosity and helpfulness for her family, and if she isn’t, I try to gently point it out and guide her back to the way that I know she wants to be.

My biggest parenting struggle is around my kids being competitive with one another. Whether one got a bigger piece of banana or one got to go to the store with mommy but the other didn’t, there are a lot of meltdowns among them. My son, who is older than my daughter, is constantly obsessed with winning and ‘beating’ his sister in games and life (haha!) He provokes her and then she melts down (she’s younger and still throws tantrums.) How can I help bring more peace between them and how can I foster more of that protective older sibling principle that you talk about?

I would try a few approaches. First off, I would stop praise completely. Praise generates competition between siblings (It also generates competition between reporters at NPR. I see it firsthand. So we are all a bit susceptible to this reaction to praise).

Second, I would start to make everything “fairer” between the two siblings so there is less concern or fear about “missing out.” That is, everyone works together as a team. Everyone goes on trips with mommy. Everyone cleans up after dinner together, does the laundry together, makes each other’s bed. Everyone gets the same piece of banana bread. Everyone is included and gets the same. I know that goes against our culture’s idea that “life isn’t fair” and kids need to learn this. But why shouldn’t family members try to be fair with each other? Why shouldn’t each kid be included in a trip? You’re a team, right? Kids will have more than enough opportunities to learn this outside the family. But inside the family, everyone is included in everything. Then it feels safer to children. They can relax and don’t need to compete.

You can even say to the kids: “We’re starting something new. We’re all going to work as a team. We’re all going on the same trips, have the same food, do the same chores. Now I know it can’t be PERFECTLY fair all the time… everyone can’t have the exact same size of banana bread or do exactly the same amount of work, but we’re going to do our best because now we’re a team.” The goal here is to start removing the fear of getting the short end of the stick. So the message no longer is… you have to deal with the unfairness.. but rather the message is… we are trying to be as fair as possible.

Next I would bring the oldest child onto the youngest’s team by giving him responsibility and a bit of power. Sounds crazy but ’m serious! This is what I saw over and over again. You get the older child on the younger child’s side by enlisting their help. Take a moment, when you’re alone together, and say to the older child, “I see how much you’ve grown and matured recently, and I’m wondering if you think you’re ready to help look after your little sister. I’m not sure you’re ready [this makes a challenge!] but she could surely use your help. Do you think you’re old enough to handle this? I’m not sure [again, challenging him]. Maybe?”

Then give the two children a task to do, together, without you, that’s a bit challenging. For example, running into the store and buying milk, or going down the street and asking for a cup of flour. A task that the older child would LOVE to do (and can), but the younger child really can’t do without their older brothers help. Then say to the older child: “OK. you’re going to have to take care of your little sister and make sure she’s ok. You’re the older, more capable one. Can you take care of her? Can you make sure she crosses the street safely?”

Overtime, you give the older child more and more responsibilities with the younger one. He watches her while you’re working. Or have to run into the store yourself. He helps her do the dishes. Take care of the animals. You name it! You’re training him to be her alloparent. He has purpose, and is contributing by helping her and you. He is her caretaker but also your helper. Over time, this responsibility will ease the competition between the two because you don’t need to compete with a person you’re caring for. They will create a team.

I hope you found this Q&A insightful and helpful and encourages you to read Hunt, Gather, Parent – it truly helped me in my motherhood journey! I’d love to continue the conversation, so feel free to leave a comment on this post or DM me on Instagram.

The post Q&A With The Author of Hunt, Gather, Parent appeared first on Inspiralized.

The Parenting Book That Changed How I Parent

Disclaimer: I’m not a licensed therapist, and I have no accreditation in parenting. I’m just a mother of four kids who read a book that I find helpful for my family. In this blog post, I’m sharing what I learned and why it works for us. 

As parents, we’re constantly evolving to our children’s developmental stages. Just as much as we change as individuals, so do our children. I feel like every few months, we’re in some sort of developmental change, and I used to find myself floundering, trying to adapt to this sudden shift in behavior and coping capabilities. What I realized is that I didn’t have a consistent parenting philosophy, so every time my child changed, I’d try to deal with that change in a whole different way simply. Not good.

But that’s because I couldn’t find a parenting philosophy that worked for myself and my family. I find it hard to digest many of these parenting Instagram accounts because they seem to have a “one size fits all” mentality.

There’s also a lot of pressure on certain “scripts” and this overbearing feeling that if you don’t respond to a child’s “bad” behavior in a certain way, they’ll be scarred for life and require years of therapy for undoing. So much pressure is being put on parents (and more so mothers) these days; it’s pretty traumatic.

I’ve tried gentle parenting. I’ve tried a stricter style of parenting. I’ve tried more of a “free range” style of parenting. In the end, I find myself flustered, screaming, breaking down, exhausted, and all of the above. And most importantly, I froze at the moment, almost paralyzed in self-doubt. What method or line should I use here?! It’s debilitating. And my children’s behavior wasn’t changing much at all.

Now, I do feel like there are certain parenting tips that I’ve picked up over the years that have helped me as a mother of four very unique, boisterous, messy, strong-willed children. And I’m still holding to those. Some of those include:

• Treat others as you’d like to be treated.
• Model the behavior you want your children to have. This is a big one for me, and I was doing it all wrong. It’s not all about saying please and thank you in front of your kids. It’s modelling the small interactions and conflict/resolution interactions especially. For example, if my husband asks me for a bite of my sandwich and I’m like, “No! It’s mine. I’m hungry!” then why would I think my kids would share? You have to always think, “What behavior would I want my kid to exhibit?” It’s so tough to do, but once you let it click in, you become a better person anyway, so it’s a win-win!
• Never succumb to a power struggle. You’re in charge as the parent, and you decide whether to power struggle. Both are your decisions, and you are in control of which way it’s going to go, so if you pick not to engage in power struggles, it’s not giving in… it’s acknowledging that your kids are kids and whatever you’ve “given in to” to avoid the power struggle can be used later on to encourage good behavior (for instance, when your child is asking to do something they love, you simply say, “Remember when I asked you to put your shoes on yourself and you wouldn’t? Well, I wish you had because now I don’t have time to play that game with you, but if you had put your shoes on like I had asked, we would have time.”)
• Positive discipline is always a guiding principle, but with certain limits and nuances that I’ve set after reading Hunt, Gather, Parent.

Hunt, Gather, Parent – A Parenting Method

Now, the issue I realized I had with all of the parenting methods we see out there that I didn’t realize was the issue until I read Hunt, Gather, Parent? The children are positioned at the center of our worlds, almost on a pedestal. And nearly everywhere else in the literal world other than the USA, the child is not at the center but simply a PART of the world, just as adults are.

This book is about looking at ancient cultures and seeing how they can teach us about raising happy, confident, helpful kids. The key word: helpful. The author submerses herself and her daughter in these cultures for months at a time to observe, learn, and understand why the children in these cultures are “better behaved,” more adjusted, helpful members of the family and community, don’t have overwhelming tantrums, and how there is little to no yelling in the household. Oh, and how the parents seem to enjoy their time when they’re out with their children and can have conversations with other adults.

Before I dive into what I got from the book, here are a few disclaimers I’ll make:

• These ancient cultures don’t have access to what we do in the USA, which makes it easier (in my opinion) to make the parenting choices that they do, purely based off of the lack of resources and access. The USA caters to children in a huge way and that’s part of the problem, but we live here, so it’s hard to ignore it completely.
• Furthermore, to the first point, we live in the New York City metro area, where access is pretty much the highest in the country. Everything is within walking distance, and between child-focused immersive experiences and immense pressures to be enrolled in extracurriculars from a young age, it’s certainly a high-stakes place to live—much different than a place like the Mayan villages where the author explores.
• The main reason these cultures can parent the way they do is that they have many generations living in communities and often households, so there is always a lot of help from family and friends. If you don’t have that privilege (as I don’t), it makes it unattainable to achieve some of the parenting wins outlined in the book.
• You have to take the book’s main themes and adapt them to your own life reasonably. For instance, living in the NYC area in 2023, I’m not going to have the expectations to lead a similar life to the Inuits in Alaska and thus be able to parent as they do. For example, when we go to a park in NYC in 2023, I can’t just stick my head in a book and let my kids play. There are predators in cities, and the parks are massive, and there are so many kids running around, so it’s not as simple and much more nuanced.
• In our culture, both the mother and father work in many households. It’s impossible for many of us to bring our children to work (as the author suggests sometimes). Thus, we end up hiring nannies or putting our children into daycare when they’re not yet of school age. Unfortunately, this is another way we let children grow up at the center, with all this emphasis put on their success and entertainment.

To conclude, many of the principles and ideas in the book wouldn’t work for our family based on where we live and our society. However, there are ways to adapt those ideas to fit our family, which I am doing more of every day and finding helpful.

I love the book’s introduction, which explains why Americans parent the way they do. It’s fascinating!

What Changed After Reading “Hunt, Gather, Parent”

First off, read the book. I’d even recommend returning to this blog post and re-reading it after you’ve read the book because it’ll hit differently. My jaw was practically dropping at every page turn. I just couldn’t believe what I was reading! I was desperate to try it out on my own kids.

Entertainment and Kids

This was the biggest takeaway, so I’m going to start here. I think where I failed most as a parent was misunderstanding entertainment and our (the parents’) role in providing that entertainment. So, let me explain where I was at with this. Right before I read the book, I was buying toys on Fridays “in preparation” for the weekends. Nothing expensive or crazy, but maybe it’s a new coloring book, a water gun, a board game or a little $5 art kit.

Whatever it was, I was always thinking about my weekends not in, “What are Lu and I going to do this weekend?” but instead, I was thinking, “How are we going to entertain the kids all day?” I was either booking some immersive new experience that opened up in NYC or planning playdates or thinking about driving to an aquarium or zoo or something like that.

The author realizes through her travels that children just want to feel like important members of the family/community and be heard. They inherently want to help. The author encourages you to welcome and accept the help. What the author realized is that the simple act of folding laundry, cleaning dishes, mopping floors, washing windows, cooking meals, and all other jobs that you have to do to keep the house and family running is what we should be having our children do as entertainment for two reasons: a) they want to help genuinely, and b) then you’re not doing these chores when the kids are napping or asleep, you get to enjoy your downtime too and your kids are helpful.

Eventually, the idea is that the children become aware of when chores need to be done, and they do them without prompting. She advises one prompt an hour and not to overtask your kids. The beauty of this idea is that because your kids are spending so much time doing these chores with you that they view as entertainment, then you don’t have to get on the floor and play with Legos with them – you’ve already filled that cup for them, and they’ll happily play with their toys without you. Now, if you genuinely enjoy playing Legos with them, that’s on you, but your child won’t yearn for your attention 24/7 because they get it when they’re helping you.

And let me note that this doesn’t mean we don’t do child-centred activities sometimes. I did limit the number of birthday parties I attended this year (I had to put my foot down), and we still keep some activities that the kids love and thrive in (Luca’s soccer is something he loves, and we love to watch him play). We’ll go to events and places that are geared toward kids, but it’s never something we don’t think we’d enjoy also (I’m saying no to the trampoline park, for example.) We went to Disneyworld because I genuinely wanted to relive my childhood magic!

Here are some chores that I have the kids do that I wasn’t doing with them before:

• Setting the table for meals
• Cooking – see my note below on slowing down.
• Cleaning dishes and unloading/loading the dishwasher
• Cleaning the floors and windows
• Going to the grocery store with me
• Running errands – the post office, the dry cleaners, the pharmacy, wherever and whatever
• Folding clothes (they help me with my own laundry because their nanny does theirs)
• Raking leaves in the backyard
• Helping unload groceries and put them away
• Taking things out of their backpack after school/camp and putting things in the garbage/laundry/lunchboxes in the sink
• Making snacks for the twins (the twins have a morning and afternoon snack, so Luca will often prepare it)

It works instantly. And most importantly, when my kids don’t want to help, I don’t force them. However, if it’s a moment that I need them to do something to help and they’re unwilling, I use the trick that the author gives. Later in the day, when my kids want to do something (for example, they want to come to the grocery store with me), I remind them of the moment earlier when they didn’t help me when I needed it. I say, “If you want to come to the grocery store next time, you’ll need to help me when I need it.”

The author segments things into two categories: big kid things and baby things. She says, “Going to the grocery store is for big kids. You didn’t show me that you are a big kid earlier when I asked you to wipe up that spilt milk. You won’t go to the store and will stay home with Daddy and the babies.” It’s not shaming them because you don’t do it when it happens. You teach them a lesson later after you’ve already cleaned up the mess yourself. None of the shaming and threats like, “You better clean that up right now or you’re not coming to the grocery store with me later!” That’s shaming and threatening.

Slowing Down for Your Children

Now, I know what you’ll say next (because I said it while reading this book.): “But cooking is my time to myself. I don’t want to make a bigger mess and take double the time. I just want to cook and move on, I don’t have all that time!” So, like anything, it will cost you some extra time in the beginning. However, it’s worth it if you slow down your life to have time for this very important work with your kids. Or, perhaps you prep certain things with the kids on the weekends when you have more downtime so that during the week, when you’re pinched for time, things are easier and quicker.

To make this time and slow down, the author recommends taking a look at all that you do in a week and anything that is 100% child-centred, cut it from your schedule. Now, that’s easier said than done because if your child genuinely loves gymnastics and is competitive in gymnastics, you’re not going to cut it. It’s easier to do when your kids are very young (like 2-5, which is the age range my kids are in and hers, and that’s who the book is geared towards) because there are very few activities that a 2 or 3-year-old is doing that is necessary.

For Roma and Luca, they were signed up for an activity every single day after school. Basketball, sports class, art school, soccer, you name it, they were signed up. It was stressful carting them from school to classes (sometimes we’d have to drive!) and I always felt like I’d come home and be so exhausted from the 2 hours with them (where I wasn’t really spending quality time with them) and then I’d tell them to watch TV or play while I cooked dinner. When they’d ask to help, I’d say no immediately because I only had 30 to 45 minutes to make dinner before the twins came home with the nanny for mealtime. It was awful!

I cut every single activity. And you know what the kids said? NOTHING! They were so happy to just be with me. We’d run all of my errands (I’d save them for after school, which was nice because I got to spend my day doing work or things that filled my cup, not running around doing errands in preparation of entertaining them after school.) After my errands, we’d come back and from A to Z, we’d make dinner. Sometimes Roma would get bored and I’d say, “You can go play, honey; come back when you want to help again.” Maybe if she weren’t in a helpful mood, I’d prompt her by saying, “Roma, come cut the cucumbers for the salad tonight. I’ll set you up with your own cutting board.” And she’d run over and help.

The more you let your kids cook with you or do certain chores with you, the easier it gets for you and for them. You may already be baking with your kids – they get better and better at pouring those dry and wet ingredients into the bowl and spill less and less. There’s a big adjustment stage but once they’ve got it down, it’s really nice to have help in the kitchen and you won’t dread it.

To start, the author recommends (based on what the ancient cultures do) starting small. Maybe your younger child gets all of the ingredients out of the fridge and pantry for you. Then you thank them for the help, offer them to watch you, and just let them know that once they’ve watched you a few times and learn how to do it, they can try. And you keep leveling up, giving them more and more tasks so they feel like they’re learning alongside you. For me, I’d let Luca pour the ingredients into the hot pan. Then, a week later, he started stirring. And now, he’ll pour and stir.

The kids feel like they’re contributing to the family so it gives them confidence, validation, and again, you’re spending a lot of quality time with them WHILE you’re teaching them valuable life skills. It was ground breaking for me.

The book encourages you to be “together” with your kids and do things that the adults enjoy and bring the kids along. For example, if you like hiking, bring your kids hiking. If you like music, bring your kids to a concert. If you love dining out, bring your kids out to dinners. If you constantly bring your kids to experience what you love experiencing, they’ll grow to love it and then when you do things together, you’re truly enjoying it together and your weekends and free time aren’t focused on doing kid activities (which tend to overstimulate them anyway!)

Talking and Praising Your Children Less

I recorded how many times I said good job during a “play session” with the twins one day after reading this book, and it was embarrassing. Hunt, Gather, Parent talks a lot about how we demand too much attention from kids and in return, they demand it back.

Another principle I love in this book is that the author encourages you not to over-talk! I mean that the more you talk to a child during a misbehaving situation, the more they continue to misbehave. If you’re engaging with them, they’ll continue to engage with you. However, if you simply let them know the boundary and then walk away, the conversation has ended.

This goes along with praise. Now, I’m a lover, and I love my kids so much and I’m constantly impressed by all that they do, and I just want to scream “Good job!” just when they breath because every moment is a gift. However, “good job” is kind of an empty expression because we over use it. Instead of saying good job, these ancient cultures “acknowledge.” In few words, they acknowledge when children do things well or help.

This is all the validation kids want – they want to be part of something! For example, when one of the twins puts something in the garbage for me that’s across the room (that I didn’t ask them to do!) I walk over to them and say, “Thank you for picking up the garbage!” but not “Good job!” With the older kids, I may say something like, “That’s very helpful; you saved mommy some time.” The author encourages you to give your kids a sense of competency, autonomy, and thus connectedness to the family. That’s all connected to being a big kid, so I’ll often say, “That’s a big kid thing to do!”

Furthermore, I learned to be more quiet after reading this book. When I speak to them, I don’t raise my voice as much anymore. I keep everything at a lower tone. There have been a few times when I wanted to pull my hair out, but I thought of this book and the chapter on the Inuits, took a deep breath, and imagined myself somewhere peaceful, and didn’t yell. I keep it calm, cool, and collected, which helps de-escalate. To the author’s point, when you yell at children, they stop listening.

As the author says, “Fewer words create less resistance” and less stress!

Handling Your Kids’ Bad Behavior

The most powerful part of the book is when the author says to “expect children to misbehave.” It was like the guilt was instantly released. We’re so focused on controlling bad behavior, we forget that some of it is normal and that’s the stuff we use as teaching moments. On page 155, she says that in the US, “we overestimate children’s emotional abilities” and “we expect children at a very young age” to understand “sophisticated emotional concepts such as respect, generosity, and self-control.” That let me breathe a bit.

Now, when the kids act up, there aren’t punishments.

I start by explaining to the child why I need them to behave a certain way or do something they’re unwilling to do. There’s no validating of feelings like, “I know you’re tired…” It’s, “Mommy has a lot to do before everyone comes over for our party. If you don’t help me clean up your toys, I won’t be ready in time and so I need your help.” I’ll throw in a, “You’re an important part of the family, I need you to help more.” That always gets them going.

I find that it’s hard for me NOT to threaten. I think I’m just hard-wired to threaten (it’s been ingrained in me), and so when I feel that urge coming in, I’ll now instead threaten what the author calls “natural consequences.” So if there’s still refusing to help clean up to help me get ready, I’ll say, “If you don’t clean up your toys, someone may trip and get hurt, and then we have to end the party.” The old me would say, “If you don’t clean up your toys, you’re not getting any cake at the party!”

Sometimes, I will say things in the moment like, “Do you want to be a baby or a big kid? A big kid knows it’s time to get up and pick up their toys.” They already know what it means to be a baby (babies don’t get to do big kid things) and so that usually works well.

So what do you do if they never pick up the toys? I pick them up. Say no to the power struggle because everyone loses. Later in the day, I’ll leverage that situation when my kid doesn’t pick up their toys. If my kid asks me to help them do something at the party, I’ll say, “No, because you didn’t help pick up your toys earlier, and now I don’t have time for that,” and walk away. While they didn’t immediately correct the behavior, we’re building upon it, and that’s what’s most important. You’re not trying to raise obedient little robots, and you’re trying to raise helpful, connected little humans.

Other tips when children are misbehaving is to introduce touch (pick them up, hug them, etc), bring them outside (just get some fresh air!), ignore it completely (this is tough in certain situations like if you’re outside of the home,)  or change the environment so that the behavior can’t exist in that other environment (maybe move a dangerous toy out of the way.) But you’ll have to read Hunt, Gather, Parent to get the full toolkit!

If everything is spiralling and I have no idea what to do with the bad behavior, I offer a responsibility. If Roma screams because she doesn’t want me to do her hair, I say, “Come help me organize your hair tie box and pick out a bow for your hair; it’s such a mess, I need help.” And yes, it may take an extra few minutes, but the tantrum ends immediately, and I get help! A lot of the time, when they’re cranky, they just feel helpless and kind of useless, like they’re floundering and need help. Giving them a sense of value is usually the help they need.

I feel like we’re in a great place behaviorally with the kids, and I attribute a lot of that contentment to this book. It really gave me the perspective shift I needed, and while I don’t stay 100% consistent with this mentality (because I’m human and I often regress to old tactics when I’m not connected myself), at least I know that when I center myself, I can be the kind of parent I want to be. I hope you find this post and this book helpful in your parenting journey.

Ask the author!

I have so many follow up questions myself, and I’m sure you do too after either reading this blog post or reading Hunt, Gather, Parent. This blog post barely touches the surface of the book, so I really encourage you to grab a copy and read it and then come back to this post and drop a question for Michaeleen in the comments. I’ll be writing a follow up Q&A style blog post, where she answers these questions for us! I can’t wait!

The post The Parenting Book That Changed How I Parent: Part 1 appeared first on Inspiralized.

Now, I’m not a religious person. I look at religion as something that is always there for me if I want to discover it. I’ve learned about major religions as part of a college curriculum (I went to a Baptist-affiliated college, so Intro to Religion was a required course) but nothing ever resonated with me. I grew up with a Jewish mother who was atheist and a Roman Catholic father who was agnostic, although he grew up as an altar boy with very religious parents.

I think all of the good values that religion teaches us has become engrained in me, and I like to think that I’m a spiritual person, but I don’t subscribe to a certain belief system. However, I am aware that  many of the values that I have myself are derivatives of a religious background.

It’s a funny thing, becoming a parent and continuing traditions you had as a child as although you’re on autopilot and not asking any questions. For example, stuffing Easter baskets. I have some vivid memories of waking up at my grandparents’ house (we always slept over the Saturday before Easter Sunday) to the sumptuous smells of cinnamon honey butter toast and looking over the corner of the couch (we always liked to sleep on the couch, for some reason!) and seeing my overflowing Easter basket.

Growing Up with Religion and Holidays

My grandparents on my father’s side are Italian and Catholic. Growing up, my grandparents always went to church (my grandmother never skips a day unless it’s an illness or something serious but my grandfather wasn’t as allegiant) and even brought us a few times. They celebrated all the religious holidays and always included us in the celebration, as we were their only grandchildren (my Aunt – my father’s brother – never had any children.)

I loved the family gatherings so much and my grandparents always made it clear what we were celebrating and explained it all to me. I always felt like I was just spending time with family in a festive way, never paying much mind to the reasons behind it, even though they were clearly explained to me. It just made me feel like PART of something. I loved that feeling. I loved the extra fun time with family, the food, the fun, and of course… the little treats and presents!

And that’s exactly what I’m doing. I want my children to feel part of something. I want them to treasure these festive moments as children. And whenever they do ask me something like, “What’s Easter?”, I explain it to them as it’s something that we grew up celebrating because of Baba (my father/their grandfather) and what he grew up believing in. They rarely ask, but it has happened a couple of times, and they don’t ask anymore questions. For me, it’s more about honoring a family tradition. Yes, it’s rooted in religion, and that religion (even though I don’t necessarily subscribe to it) is part of who I am and how I was raised, so I’m happy to continue it.

As for my Jewish side, we never grew up with much Jewish influence. I attended a few older cousins’ Bar and Bat Mitzvahs and we played dreidel for a handful of Hanukkahs, but that was it. There were no seders, no Yom Kippur, no temple, no Hebrew school. For me, I recognize that I am Jewish by blood (23andMe says I’m 49.5% Ashkenazi Jewish,) and I appreciate that part of my identity. Unfortunately, I wasn’t as exposed to the Judaic religious celebrations and traditions, so I’m not continuing them with our kids.

Religion In Our Home

Since neither Lu nor I are religious as adults (he grew up Catholic,) we’ve talked about how we want to approach religion with our family and we’re open. If any of our children discovered religion for themselves, we’d be happy to let them explore that. When they find partners that are part of a certain religious denomination, we’ll be thrilled for them to join that community of believers (barring any whacky cults, of course- ha!)

All we know is that we’ll continue to honor the traditions that we had growing up as children and respect the religious background of those traditions. We’ve brought Luca to church a couple of times out of his own interest, actually. We’re happy to keep exposing them and if they want to explore a certain religion while they’re young, we’ll encourage it.

Easter Basket Stuffing Ideas

Now, my grandparents were definitely MAXIMALISTS. They lived life to the brim, whether that’s splurging on good wines at dinner or packing the presents under the Christmas tree. Everything was always big. I love that about them – when my grandfather passed away, I remember thinking, “What a life he got to live, nothing was left undone!” I loved Easter especially, because it not only happened around springtime with chirping birds, warmer temperatures, and budding flowers, but it also included an Easter egg hunt and lots of chocolate bunnies and Jelly Beans. I just have so much love in my heart for Easter, and I’m aware of what it means for Christians, which I find beautiful.

I’ll be sharing my Easter basket on Instagram, so stay tuned for that, but in the meantime, here are some basket stuffer ideas!

All of the products in this collage are linked here.

All of the products in this collage are linked here.

Happy Easter to those who celebrate! 

The post Easter Basket Stuffer Ideas & My Thoughts On Religious Holiday Traditions With Kids appeared first on Inspiralized.

A lot of gifts are suitable for all ages, 1-5 year old, and personally, I prefer to buy those kind of open-ended play items that grow with your kids. Frankly, my 5 year old plays a lot with the same toys that my 16 month old twins do!

But if you’re looking to get a special gift for a child in your family or you’re buying a gift for a friend’s child or going to a birthday party, I’ve got some great ideas for you. I’ve crowd sourced and used my own gift-giving experiences to build an ultimate list of gifts for children of ages 1-5, that I will update as I think of more ideas.

And I think it goes without being said that it’s not the gift that matters, it’s the thought that counts. Kids love experiences and time with loved ones, so if you can’t afford a physical gift right now, simply taking a child to the park and giving your undivided attention means even more. Especially if it includes a lollipop or something sugary!

A few notes:

• Personalized gifts for kids are always the best! Etsy has lots of great options, and I also have a friend who does personalization if you want to support a fellow mama friend of mine.
• This doesn’t include books! Books make great gifts for children (and adults).
• Arts & crafts – for all my crafting ideas for kids, check out this post!

Best Gifts for 1 Year Olds

1. Lovevery kits: kids at age 1 are still learning how to use toys, and I love the philosophy behind Lovevery.
2. Play kitchens for kids: honestly there are so many great ones out there, but I have this one and this one and you can’t go wrong.
3. Tonie box: all 4 of my kids love the Tonie box, but you can start at age 1, they love playing with the figurines and changing the songs.
4. Cleaning set: I don’t know what it is about little kids and cleaning, but this is probably their favorite toy. I gift it all the time!
5. Play Dyson: again with the cleaning, they also just like to be like Mommy This is one of the best gifts for little ones!
6. Coin box: this is a Montessori toy and doesn’t seem that glamorous, but the twins play with it for a good chunk of time.
7. Balls: honestly, a cool ball your kid will carry around with and chase long enough for you to drink your coffee.
8. Large cars: my kids love to push around cars, but the large ones are especially easy to push for them.
9. Foam blocks: if you have room for them, I’m a huge fan of foam blocks for kids. I don’t have these, but this is a sweet personal way to gift blocks.
10. Shopping cart: to go with the play kitchen, but also just for pushing around.
11. Stacker toy: my kids have never been puzzle kids, but they did love this.
12. Duplo blocks: around 16 months, all my kids started with the starter pack of Duplo blocks.
13. Scooter: Luca and Roma started scooting around 16-18 months, but this is a borderline 2 year old gift.
14. Ride on car: if you have the storage space, this is an amazing gift!
15. Nugget comfort: great gift if you have the space, again!
16. Water table: for the warm weather (or put it in the shower, haha!)
17. Play tent or tunnel: another grows-with-them item.
18. Musical gifts: love this set and this.
19. Basketball hoop: it’s so cute to see them grow with this.

Best Gifts for 2 Year Olds

1. Easel: my kids really started using the easel at 2 and they still love it.
2. Magnetic blocks: this could work at age 1, too, but my kids got it better at age 2.
3. Figurines: we started with figurines like a Sesame Street set. And then upgraded to a farm set, sharks, people, and more.
4. Duplo sets: this gift is for when they really start learning, get into the Duplo sets.
5. Barn set: kids love animals and this is like an early dollhouse!
6. Hot wheels: cars and tracks. The color changing Hot Wheels (these too) are huge hits in our house and one of the best gifts for kids.
7. Baby doll and accessories: we’re talking bassinet, stroller, etc. I love this bundle doll.
8. Puff sticker books: great for traveling, restaurants, and rainy days.
9. Dress up clothes: the Disney store has great options for princess dresses, but I love to gift more gender neutral ones like police officer, fireman, doctor, chef, superheroes, and nurse.
10. Leap Frog Ice Cream Cart: it’s pretty hideous for a gift for kids, but still a hit with all of my kids.
11. Cleaning kit: this is another cleaning set from Melissa & Doug and such a cute extension to the other kit.

Best Gifts for 3 Year Olds

1. Magnatiles: you can get these as a gift for younger kids, but I feel like 3 years old is when the building and play really begins.
2. Magformers: these are similar to Magnatiles.
3. Spinner: Roma is obsessed.
4. Balance bike: we started Luca on a balance bike and he was biking on a pedal bike before he was 4 years old! This is a bigger gift, but totally worth it.
5. Tea set: when Roma turned 3, we got her this tea set and she loves playing make believe tea.
6. Train sets: there are so many good ones (like this Brio one) and you can just also get a set of tracks and trains.
7. Games: Zingo, Chutes & Ladders, Hungry, Hungry Hippos, and Candyland are great for starting a game collection.
8. Barbies: this age begins the Barbie infatuation. No matter which one you get – it’ll be an awesome gift.
9. Dollhouses: there are so many great ones, but we have the Barbie Dreamhouse (it goes on sale around the holidays!)
10. Stomp rocket: a great gift to give at birthdays, never fails!
11. Erasable markers: it’s like magic! Gift it with a cute pad of paper.
12. Pretend sets: my kids play endlessly with the play sets from Melissa and Doug, specifically the Drink Dispenser, Coffee maker, Pizza Oven, Oven Cookies, the Vet Set, and Ice Cream counter.
13. Cash register: for all that pretend play.
14. Sensory dough kits: the kids love these and they’re always great for encouraging independent play.
15. Wiggle ride on car: love these for the summer!
16. Stepping stones: great for rainy day play!
17. Trampoline: to get those wiggles out, used indoors and outdoors.
18. Play makeup and nail polish: Roma is the girliest of girls and loves to play makeup.
19. Nail kit: the perfect all in one nail gift!
20. Flower building kit: Roma got this as a birthday gift and she loves it so much. As a tip, keep it in a box with a lid, because it has so many pieces and if you lose them, it loses its capabilities.
21. Talking microscope: a fun science related gift.
22. Fishing game: such a great gift for hand eye coordination and building that frustration threshold.

Best Gifts for 4 Year Olds

1. Hot wheels track: this gift would be for 3 or 4 year old kids, really, but I feel like Luca had a lot of fun with it starting closer to age 4.
2. Card games: I love this pack, and Luca really got into it at age 4.
3. Legos: Luca really didn’t “get” into Legos until this age, I feel like Duplos are great up until 4 and then the Lego sets, like this one, are better.
4. Remote control cars: they really get a grip on this at this age. This one gets great speed. And I love this little Hot Wheels car one.
5. Playmobil: I love these and they’re great for younger kids to play with too, but 4 is the age to build.
6. Slime kits: ugh, but they love it!
7. Clip on earrings: I love this brand and I’m going to get Roma some as a gift for her 4th birthday this year.
8. Dress up shoes: as with the earrings, I’m going to upgrade Roma’s accessory game with this brand of shoes.
9. Action figures: the big ones, like this Spiderman!
10. Basketball hoop: over the door basketball hoop for the kids’ room.
11. Highlights subscription: a great gift that keeps on giving.
12. Lite brite: this was one of my favorite toys growing up and makes a great gift.
13. Way to Play Roadway: an Instagram follower submitted this as an idea, and I am putting it on Luca’s wishlist, I know he’d love this!
14. Plus plus blocks: these are our favorite for travel!

Best Gifts for 5 Year Olds

1. Kits: all the kits! Science kits, slime kits, beaded bracelet kits, and craft kits  are what the 5 year olds are all about.
2. Art kit: my son is very into drawing and creating, so lots of drawing materials these days.
3. Kids camera: Luca loves taking photos and they’re fun to see on your computer later. This is a great gift for both kids and parents!
4. Lego sets: every week Luca asks me about a new Lego set, even though he plays with Legos generally, he loves a project.
5. Tracing pad: this is the age when drawing really kicked in for us, so along with fun coloring tools, this is great.
6. Hot Wheels garage: okay, this is a serious plastic eyesore but such a winner with 5 year olds!
7. Marble run: Luca is just old enough to master this, so definitely a 5-6 year old gift.
8. Monopoly Junior: I loved playing Monopoly growing up, and I love the Jr. version for Luca!
9. Kid watch, kid wallet: basically anything that makes them feel

Leave a comment and let me know any other great gift ideas you have!

The post Best Gifts for Kids Ages 1 to 5 Years Old appeared first on Inspiralized.

Luca’s Dinosaur Themed 5th Birthday Party

Let me preface this post by saying little kids don’t need much.  just to blow out some candles and feel a little extra special on their birthday. Seriously,  I mean it. Birthday parties at this age are more for the parents anyway, to celebrate the survival of another year! Our kids this little most likely won’t have any memory of this party, but we will.

Last year, the twins were born right before Luca’s birthday and so we didn’t have a party for him, just a cake and hang at the house with our family (which was beautiful and perfect.) So this year, I wanted to go all out and personally, I love a dinosaur themed party. Plus, I used to plan events for a living, so anytime I have a reason to have a party, I’m going to have a party!

For those of you planning a dinosaur themed birthday party or just curious about what I did for Luca’s party, here we go.

The decor

When I’m thinking of a theme for a birthday party, I think about what I can do with the decor to bring a theme together. Kids love seeing themed decor, and probably my favorite part of the party was when he first entered and saw how I transformed the space with dino decor! Also, this dinosaur greeted him.

Adriana from Balloon With Me made the balloon decor of my dreams with a backdrop that I eventually used when we sang happy birthday to Lu and he blew out his candles. The customized Luca Jurassic Park sign was from Etsy. She also made a balloon arch on the outside entrance of the venue that was supposed to be kind of like a Jurassic Park welcome. Then, when you entered, we had balloon stands separating the front area from the back party area just as a little extra to tie in the theme.

At this venue, there are cubbies for all the kids to put their gear in and I used this as a decorative moment to display the goodie bags. I scattered the goodie bags and some large dinosaur figurines which ended up adding more theme cohesion.

And of course, the dessert table was decked out in dinosaurs. The venue had this great long table that I covered with a linen tablecloth. Then, I added wood crates from Michael’s on either ends and stuffed them with Jurassic Park-y flora. I perched up little dinosaur beware signs (this one and this one) and set up two velociraptors (like this one) for effect.

The cake sat in the middle on a tree stump slice (from Michael’s), flanked by two cupcake tiers with chocolate and vanilla cupcakes topped with mini dino figurines. I also had two smaller tree slices where I laid out the custom dinosaur cookies from Double Dough. Finally, I scattered dino confetti and small dinosaur figurines across the table and hung a little cute felt happy birthday sign above the table.

One little detail I loved were these dinosaur decals I stuck to the floor to mimic dinosaur footprints.

The venue & entertainment

We held the party at an indoor sports training facility that Luca loves (he’s been to summer camp there, classes, etc.) We were so grateful they let us transform the place for the event! It’s also a great place for a party, because the parents can (mostly) talk and hang out while the kids run around and play, led by the coaches there.

I also hired a dinosaur performer to come and play with the kids a bit. He was so fun and while there were a couple younger kids who got a little spooked, Luca and his friends got a kick out of him. After about 40 minutes, he took off the costume and made balloon animals for all of the kids!

To fill in the gaps in between the entertainment and food, I set up a little “excavation site” with kinetic sand, rocks, and dinosaur fossil figurines. It was so easy to set up and I love the inflatable “bin” that was perfect to hold the sand and tools. The kids loved it and I always saw someone over there playing, so I’m glad I set it up!

And of course, we ended on a piñata which was hilarious. Everyone got to swing the bat and then Luca ended by absolutely crushing that piñata – it was so fun to watch him and cheer him on!

The food & cake

I don’t know why I always try to fight it, but this time, I just went straight pizza for the party. It’s easy, affordable, and literally everyone loves pizza. I ordered from a local pizzeria and they delivered it right in time! I ordered veggie pizza, plain pizza, and then sausage & peppers.

Aside from the pizza, I had these adorable dinosaur claw/foot fruit skewers, made by a local caterer. They went so quickly, everyone loved them. I also got mini paper bags and put in yogurt covered pretzels as “dinosaur bones” as well as some regular pretzel sticks.

For drinks, I just did water (juice is fun but honestly, I always find that the kids get so sugared up it ends up being a little overkill since there’s cake!) and I wrapped them in custom Luca labels that fit the theme. I went with mini plastic water bottles!

Most importantly, the cake from Hudson Cakery. I went full dinosaur on that cake, made by Hudson Cakery, my favorite spot for my kids’ themed birthday cakes. It was a vanilla cake with vanilla buttercream (Luca’s favorite.) Then, I had them make me little dino dirt and grass cupcakes, which I topped with mini dinosaur figurines. And then of course, some custom Jurassic Park themed dino cookies from Double Dough.

The tables for the kids to sit at and eat were covered with this green tablecloth, dinosaur paper napkins, compostable paper plates, and mini bottles of water customized with a label.

The goodie bags

Lastly, as I mentioned, the goodie bags ended up being part of the decor! I just used simple kraft bags with customized stickers and stuffed them with dinosaur finger puppets, dinosaur scratch art, dinosaur Haribo gummies, and a dinosaur grow toy. And at the end, everyone used their goodie bags to catch all the candy from the piñata!

It was such a special day for Luca, and I’m so happy everyone was in good health and could enjoy the party!

All photos by Erin Dwyer Photography.

The post Luca’s Dinosaur Themed 5th Birthday Party appeared first on Inspiralized.

Roma’s Princess and Dress Up Themed 3rd Birthday Party

Our feisty, smart, strong-willed, funny, silly, and gorgeous daughter is 3 years old! We couldn’t be more proud of the independent, brave little girl that she is and we were happy to celebrate her birthday with a party fit for a princess!

Roma loves everything about dress-up, especially princess dresses and accessories. When I was thinking about her birthday party theme, I knew we had to have some level of dress-up and some level of princess. So, the party included a full dress-up station! We also had a balloon twister, a face painter, and Disney princess performances. And plenty of food, treats, and drinks for the adults who wanted to kick back *a little extra* while their kids played!

For the setup, we rearranged our furniture to accommodate all the people and make it more magical. We pushed our dining room table to the wall to make a food table. On this table, when people arrived, the food was already out. We used Whole Foods catering and got tons of grilled veggies, raw veggies, quesadillas, sandwiches, and fruit. We wanted people to be able to eat as they wanted. And of course, we had a basket filled with kids snacks for munching on the go, along with Honest Kids apple juice pouches and plenty of water.

We brought up our kids art table and set it up with these Melissa & Doug dress up characters for kids to hang out and play with while they waited to get their faces painted, balloon animals made, or while they ate. The kids loved this area and ended up hanging out there and playing with some of our house toys, too. In this area, we also had this princess tent for kids to play in, which was also very loved.

In the kitchen, we set up Roma’s Princess Punch for kids and on the other end of the kitchen island, we had a station with all of the adult beverages and the birthday cake on display (we figured this was safer than near the kids’ things) as well as the cupcakes and cookies.

Unfortunately, since it was drizzling a bit in the beginning of the party (from 11-12ish), we had to move the balloon twister and face painter inside, which made it a little packed and sweaty inside at first, but our guests were so understanding and since the kids were having a blast and no one minds a little drizzle, everyone still had a great time. After the skies cleared, we moved the balloon twister and face painter outside so people could have a bit of breathing room (my original vision was to have it outside so that people could dress up while they waited for their balloon animal or face painting turn.)

Outside, we had the dress up station. For a backdrop, the lovely Adriana from Balloon With Me created a beautiful display using arches and neutral pink balloons. With Roma’s name decal, it was the perfect backdrop for the dress up. I got this standing mirror so the kids could see themselves and basically loaded up on inexpensive dress up goodies for the kids (this was actually part of Roma’s birthday gift – accessories for her dress up collection!) There were superhero capes and masks, tutus, crowns, doctor jacket with stethoscope, sparkly princess capes, hair accessories, hats, glasses, jewelry, dinosaur tails, swords and shields for the knights, firefighter and policeman costumes, and more. The kids had so much fun with it!

Since we invited her school class which includes boys and girls, I tried to have the dress-up incorporate familiar characters for boys too while welcoming anyone to dress up however they’d like.

Speaking of Adriana from Balloon With Me, she also set up two balloon castle towers for me to use as inside decor and big letters (R, O, M, A and the #3) outside stuffed with balloons. I was obsessed and can’t wait to use her again for future parties! If you are local, definitely consider – she’s a teacher and does this on the side with the help of her husband and is so incredibly talented.

As for the princesses….

When people first entered, the plan was to greet everyone with Elsa and Roma, giving them a magic Rice Krispie treat wand and tons of bubbles. Since it was raining lightly for the beginning of the party, we left the bubble machine outside and moved Elsa inside and she gave out the treats for a bit (until Roma took her hand and wanted to spend time with her – which was adorable, unplanned, and made us so happy!)

Then, around 12:30pm, Belle arrived and she crowned Roma an official princess. Roma ate this up – she loved every second of it. I love the photos from this part of the party, because she was clearly in heaven. Belle danced with the kids, sung some songs, read stories, and gave prince and princess lessons. Luckily, by this point, it was no longer raining and the sun came out! Belle sang happy birthday and helped Roma blow out her candles!

We gave out goodie bags filled with playdough kits, lollipops, chocolate. glow bracelets, and superhero masks on everyone’s way out. Roma helped me say goodbye to her guests and then there was a little after party with her close friends while she opened some of her gifts. It truly was the perfect day, and I know Roma loved it all.

Vendors

I’d like to thank all of the amazing vendors who made this party the success that it was!

Sugartown Bakery: rice krispie treat wands.
Hudson Cakery: birthday cake and cupcakes
Double Dough: custom princess, crown, and 3 cookies
Once Upon A Princess: Belle princess character
Jersey City Party Characters: Elsa princess character
Magical Teamwork: balloon twister and face painter
Adriana of Balloon With Me: balloon decor and dress up back drop

All photos by Erin Dwyer Photography.

The post Roma’s Princess and Dress Up Themed 3rd Birthday Party appeared first on Inspiralized.

Favorite Baby Toys for 0-6 Months

Let me preface this post by saying that when you have babies, you really don’t need a single toy. You are all they need- talking to them, holding them, walking around and showing them things, taking them for stroller walks, and of course, lots and lots of tummy time.

However, if you’re like me and you have other kids or just need a minute and need toys for babies to play with and “occupy themselves,” then I have the list for you!

When Luca was born, I bought every toy thinking it would be the magical one that kept him busy, but alas, he wasn’t a “toy” baby – he wanted to be in the mix and I wore him in the carrier pretty much until he was 2 years old! As for Roma, she loved toys, and it was such a nice break for me, especially because I had 2 under 2 there for a bit.

Anyway, here are the toys that our twins have enjoyed – and your little ones might too!

1 – Lovevery subscription: I always recommend this (it makes a great gift for new parents) because the toys are just such quality, last forever, can be used as the kids grow, and it takes the guesswork out of toy-buying. They’re aesthetically pleasing and I do find my kids play with these toys longer than other brands of toys.

2 – Lovevery Play Gym: this is not part of the subscription kit, but it’s crucial to have a quality play gym for your babies – I love it for tummy time and for back playtime.

3 – Black and white cards: These are all I ever really showed my babies when they were 0-4 months old. Apparently high contrast, black and white is very captivating for babies for many reasons.

4 – Mirror: this seems random, but I swear by it! Babies love looking at themselves in the mirror and I just got a simple acrylic mirror that I secured to a wall near the play gym and they love it for tummy time.

5 – Teethers: teething always started for us around 4 months. I swear by these, these, these, and these.

6 – Stroller toy: we clip this on to the stroller and the kids loved looking at it. These are great when they aren’t grasping toys yet, but they like to look at things.

7 – Wooden grasp toy: great for early grasping! It’s also one of their favorite teethers.

8 – Tummy time toy: this is great for the car also, but we love it for tummy time for the twins, because they can each play on either side of it!

9 – Plush high contrast toy: I can’t explain why but my twins loved this from almost day 1. There are high contrast colors and I used it early on for tracking during their small wake windows.

10 – Crinkly books: I have a bunch of crinkly books and they’re great for the car, the stroller, and just all the time. We love this one.

11 – Skip Hop activity center: We started using this when our kids were 4 months old. It’s just the best, we bought another one this time around for the twins to play together. You can adhere other toys to it and eventually, it turns into a table!

12 – Fisher Price play gym: Ugh. I hate that I love this toy because it’s hideous, but man does it work! I still haven’t found a better play gym (I love the Lovevery one because it’s more versatile, but this one engages them more!) I use it now that the twins are almost 7 months – they sit up in it and play with the hanging toys.

13 – O-balls: these are great for an occupational therapy point, great for tongue strength, and they’re great for early graspers! My twins were obsessed with these for a while.

14 – Purse toy: okay, I call this a purse toy because it’s small enough that I can put it in a small purse and always have an engaging toy on hand. I don’t know what it is, but all my kids have loved this toy.

15 – High contrast books: I love the collection of these books, and my babies loved them. I read them all the time!

16 – Night light plush toy: this was a gift from my sister and it’s a lifesaver. I couldn’t have done night time alone with the twins without it.

17 – Soft blocks: my twins love these blocks – there’s plenty to engage with and they’re nice and soft.

18 – Soft pull back cars: our nanny bought these for the twins for Christmas and I have to say, they’ve really loved them. I just pull them back and release them and it keeps them engaged for so long! They love them and they’re great for extending tummy time.

Hope these toys give you some ideas for your little ones! As immobile as babies are, it can be overwhelming to find ways to entertain them at this age. These toys definitely help some, but at the end of the day, just carrying them around and taking them with you around the house (or the block!) is very helpful.

The post Favorite Baby Toys for 0-6 Months appeared first on Inspiralized.

Must Have Products for Twin Newborns and Infants

Before I start this post, let me say this: all babies need is YOU. There are so many fancy products out there, and yes, some of them make your life a bit easier with twins, but at the end of the day, the most important part is you.

Having said that, some twin-specific products have made my life as a twin mom much easier. Some products aren’t twin-specific, but I have two of them that I consider pretty essential. I will share all the products I’ve been loving for the twins in their first four months of life.

Also, you won’t see any feeding-specific products here because we don’t normally bottle feed the twins (I do tandem or single-feed them). But I know there are many great products for bottle feeding, like the Table for Two.

Twin Product Must Haves

Here are products that are specifically designed for twins or multiple kids that we’ve been loving.

1 – Twin Z pillow: many parents use these pillows to bottle-feed twins simultaneously or to breastfeed. I don’t use it for either of those reasons, but I do use it for lounging. Not only do the twins play with me here, I place them down here when I’m getting ready to breastfeed and place them down there after I burp each baby. I couldn’t live without this pillow. It’s also great to prop them up under a play gym when they’re little so they can start grabbing toys. It’s been my favorite product so far!

2 – My Brest Friend pillow: I love this pillow, which I use to tandem nurse.

3- TwinGo carrier: This takes a bit of getting used to, but once you’ve figured it out, it allows you to ditch the strollers for short trips. I wear it when I need to run across the street for something and don’t want to lug the big stroller out and around. I’ve worn it around the house a few times when the twins are fussy at the same time, and it calms them down (it’s especially useful around dinner time!).

4- Weego carrier: When the twins were newborns (under 8-9 pounds), I used this and liked it, especially when they were both fussing. However, I found it unsuitable for older babies (2-3+ months) because they were too big, and the back support wasn’t great.

5- Double bassinet: We loved this bassinet for nighttime and daytime naps, and I loved that they were safely close to one another. We outgrew it around the three-month mark!

6- Extra wide play gym: I love how wide this play gym is – and you can order them with their hanging toys or buy your own (which I did.) Two babies can comfortably hang together underneath this, and I would also place them in the TwinZ pillow underneath it. It was the perfect, comfortable play area.

7- Double stroller (Uppababy or Bugaboo): A double stroller isn’t just for twins; if you have twins, you need one! Depending on your home and your preference (I’ve tried all the strollers, haha!), I suggest the Uppababy Vista or the Bugaboo Donkey Duo.

8- Extra wide glider: This glider is great for my two older kids (they can both sit with me more comfortably), but it was essential for me for early nursing days (I nursed them in the chair with my nursing pillow.)

9- Split frame baby monitor: Although we use a Nest cam system in our house, we also have this baby monitor for when we’re having connectivity issues or for the nanny. It’s nice to have two camera systems (for home and away), and I love that I can see them more clearly on this monitor than I can with the Nest.

Baby Product Must Haves

Here are the products that weren’t designed for twins but that we use and love (and some we have double of!)

10- Baby bjorn bouncer x 2: These are my must-have bouncers! They come with these toy attachment bars, which are great once they’re 3-4 months old and start grabbing/noticing things. I put one twin in one of these while I nurse the other, and it’s a sanity saver during dinnertime, too. If you have a spit up baby that needs to be elevated after every feed, it’s also great. I use these when I put both kids down to sleep at night (after I feed one, I put them in the bouncer and bounce them while I swaddle/sleep sack the other and rock that one – the bouncer keeps the other temporarily soothed.)

11- Lovevery play gym: This gym is big enough for the twins to play underneath, and it’s my favorite play gym for them – it has so many uses.

12- Mamaroo Swing x 2: I never had this with Roma and Luca because they didn’t care for rockers, but the twins love this swing (we still use it at 4months+), and it saved me for extending naps and soothing them when I couldn’t soothe both at the same time. I wouldn’t have survived without them!

13- Dock-a-Tot x 2: I use these for many different reasons, but primarily, I use them at bath time! After their baths, I place them in these and wrap them in towels. I’ve also used them to place them somewhere other than the nursery safely or where our bassinets were (like, if I were getting ready in my room, I’d put them on my bed in these and let them nap while I got ready).

14- Bath tub x 2: If you want to bathe both babies simultaneously, two fit in a good-sized tub! This helps save time if you have your partner to help you bathe the babies, too. Otherwise, it’s the way you can bathe both at the same time.

15- Skip Hop activity center: I wish we had space for two. My twins love this activity center. They love the freedom, and seeing them discover is so cute.

16- Moses baskets with pods and rockers (x 2): Since we live in a home with multiple levels, I wanted to make sure there was a safe space for the newborns to sleep in our main level (living room/kitchen etc) where we spend most of our time. After around months 2.5 to 3, when they were more conscious of their surroundings, I got rid of the bassinets and started napping them in their rooms, which was fine because around 3 months they outgrew the bassinets. These were where they slept all day during those first crucial 2+ months!

17- Travel white noise machine (x 2): I hung these on the above bassinets! They’re also crucial in the stroller to help them take better naps.

These are all the products that specifically worked for us and our twins. Of course, it’s important to note that not all babies are identical and like the same products. Also, all homes are designed differently (I need certain products because of the layout of my house.) For example, Luca never cared for a single swing or bouncer, but the twins live in them – they love them! It’s probably prudent to start with one of certain items, and if you find that both twins enjoy them, get another. I started with one Mamaroo, and then once I knew both twins enjoyed it, I went on Facebook Marketplace for another!

Congratulations if you have or are expecting twins – it’s a beautiful experience, and I’m so grateful to be a twin mama!

The post Must Have Products for Twin Newborns and Infants appeared first on Inspiralized.

Postpartum Favorites For Mama and Baby

• Frida Mom Hospital Bag Essential Kit – okay, I don’t usually og for these “kits,” because I find that I only really use 1 or 2 items and I feel like it’s a waste of money, but this kit was truly essential – I used every single thing except for the ice packs, and that’s just because I didn’t have much tearing and didn’t have much swelling or terrible vaginal pain. The second I got to the hospital I wore the Hospital Gown and it felt like a luxurious robe compared to the scratchy gowns they give you in the hospital. I loved that it unbuttoned in the back so they could safely give me the epidural and it unbuttons on the front for easy post-birth skin-to-skin and nursing. I can’t brag enough about this kit – I LIVED in the mesh panties for the first two weeks (I went through 2 boxes!) and I alternated between the cooling liners and the perineal healing foam, depending on how much relief I needed – I used both! I also used the socks in the hospital and when I came home from the hospital, the grip was great! And finally, the Peribottle is a no-brainer, I used it up until my 3rd week postpartum and all during my hospital stay.
• Binto Vitamins – I took these customized vitamins during pregnancy and I’m continuing to take them (adjusted for postpartum needs!) postpartum, since I’m nursing. I love that you can just chat with a nurse and they’ll adjust the vitamins based on your stage of life/womanhood. Use code INSPIRALIZED for 20% off any purchase at mybinto.com, or 20% off the first month when you sign up for a subscription.

Postpartum Style: The First Month

• Rollover soft biker shorts – these were key during those first couple of weeks when my belly was still sore from my uterus shrinking down and I didn’t want anything restrictive around my belly. I was also hot all the time, so it was nice to be in shorts!
• I’m currently living in this tank by Storq. It’s stretchy, and I just pull it down when nursing in the night. I like that it holds my tummy in, too – feels supportive.
• Long sleeve GAP tunics: I’m obsessed with these tunics (short sleeve and long sleeve versions!) from GAP. They cover the butt (I ordered mine in Tall size, but I’m also 5’8″) and they’re so weightless. They’re great for layering under a hoodie or a zip-up. Just so soft and nice to wear with babies.
• Lululemon Aligns – it took a couple weeks for me to feel comfortable in such restrictive leggings, but once my uterus shrunk down enough, I was so happy to have my aligns back! I even splurged and bought two more. I love the super high waisted ones for this phase of postpartum.
• High rise soft sweatpants – I love that these have a little bit of style, a little flare at the leg, I feel chic(ish) when I run out the door. I pair it with a tucked-in tank top (like the Storq one) and a matching hoodie and some Birkenstock slides or sneakers.

 

Nursing Favorites

• Bravado Nursing Bra – my go-to nursing bra, it’s just easy to wear, comfortable, and offers decent support.
• Kindred Bravely Nursing Bra – I find these offer a bit more coverage! I like the quality and colors as well.
• Gel Soothies Cooling Pads – I put these on my nipples after nursing for a therapeutic soothing sensation. I love them for those early nursing days when your nips are raw!
• My Brest Friend Twin Nursing Pillow – I love this nursing pillow brand for the newborn stage – it’s firm, and I find the other types of pillows are too soft and the baby’s sag and it’s cumbersome. This one is great and has a little pocket I put my remote or phone in for daytime nursing sessions!
• Signe tank top

Newborn Baby Gear

• Ollie Swaddles – these JUST came back in stock! I’m not sure how long they’ll last, but I snagged another 4!! The absolute best swaddle, it’s so quick and easy to use and makes those middle of the night feedings so much more seamless.
• Bassinet with rocking stand – these are what we have the twins nap in during the day. They’re adorable and so cozy with the inserts. We only let them sleep in here during the day because they’re always supervised. I love that the stands rock for easy soothing and they’re beautifully made and nice to look at
• Rohm white noise machine – we put these in the bassinets for white noise for the babies and also use them on-the-go in the strollers.
• Dock-a-Tot – we use these as a safe space to put the babies down in the living room, always supervised. They’re also what I use when I tandem feed during the day. I place one on either side of me and it’s an easy, safe way to get both babies ready to eat!
• 4moms mamaroo – when I need to be hands free and get the babies soothed, they both love these. It helps with that time when the big kids need to eat dinner and the twins are fussing (5:30-6:30 usually – so convenient!)
• Lovevery playmat – we started tummy time when their umbilical cord stumps fell off and their belly buttons healed. We try to do it for 5-7 minutes total a day! I love this mat and can’t wait to use it more as they grow.
• House of Noa playmats – these are key for us! We have them all throughout our house. I put these under the Lovevery playmat to cushion it on the hardwood floor. Love these mats – my discount code is INSPIRALIZED10 for 10% off!
• Dagne Dover diaper bag – I needed a mega large diaper bag this time around, so I went with the Large backpack, and I love it. It definitely is trendy looking, is gender neutral, and comfy even though it’s jam packed with stuff for the twins.
• Solly Baby wrap – so far, I’ve been wearing the twins individually (when they need it) in the Solly Baby, because I’m comfortable with this wrap and it’s the best for that newborn stage. I have a couple duo carriers that I’ve been testing out, so I’ll let you know once I commit to one, haha.
• Twin Bassinet – this is what we use in the nursery right now. Either myself or the night nurse sleeps in the daybed next to the bassinet. I love this bassinet, it makes a cozy safe space for the babies, it’s sturdy, and it allows me to soothe both babies without having to get up and go to cribs.
• Twin Z Pillow: If I want to leave the babies propped up after a feeding but need to be hands free, this is a MUST. I also use it if I finish nursing one baby sooner than the other and want to leave them upright, I can put them here next to me in this pillow while I finish nursing the other. Overall, it’s just such a great, safe multi-use pillow for twins and a total must have.

Strollers

You know my obsession with strollers! If you’ve followed me on Instagram, you’ll know my issue is that I have a very small entryway into our apartment’s stoop area, so although I love my Bugaboo Donkey Duo, it isn’t practical with twins – I’d have to load and unload them every time, and I just didn’t want to deal with that. Thus, I have multiple solutions, depending on where I need to go and what I’m doing and which of my 4 children I’m with.

• Uppababy Vista – I had this stroller with Luca, and I absolutely loved it then and I love it now, as my main stroller for the twins. I use two bassinets right now, so they’re stacked vertically. So far, I’ve loved it – I love that the baby on the bottom is nice and cozy and shielded. I also use the Piggyback kickboard, BUT when you have that top bassinet and bottom bassinet configuration, it’s a little difficult to have a child on the Piggyback. Once the twins can be in the Rumble seats, it’ll be easier. We’re still doing it (Luca and Roma fight over the kickboard!) and it’s a great option to carry 3 kids.
• Babyzen Yoyo – we can’t fit the Uppababy into our car, because the trunk is too small for much. We have 2 Babyzen Yoyos which we use as our car stroller – it stays in the car and we use it when we have to go somewhere in the car (which we’ve only done once and it worked.) We have the car seat adapters and the newborn pack, so we can either use the Yoyos with our car seats or use the bassinet feature of the newborn pack. I love these strollers – to connect them, I got some velcro straps, but haven’t tried it yet.

And those are my postpartum and newborn essentials! Let me know if I missed anything that you’ve seen on Instagram or you have questions about. Drop a note, and I’ll get back to you!

The post Postpartum Favorites For Mama and Baby appeared first on Inspiralized.

Rio and Sol’s Birth Story (Identical Twins!)

It’s important that I preface this birth story by saying that the entire pregnancy with these twins, I was curious, nervous, and somewhat terrified of the birth. After joining several Facebook groups for identical twin pregnancies, I felt a lot of anxiety around the birth, to the point where I didn’t say their names aloud much, I never put up their name signs on the wall, and I just had this nervous anxiety around the birth – I thought something was going to go terribly wrong the whole pregnancy and IF I made it to the birth, something dramatic was going to occur.

Preparing for a vaginal birth or C-section

In all of these Facebook groups and in a lot of the stories that I’ve heard or read about, identical twin pregnancies are high-risk (because the babies share a single placenta!) and vaginal births are honestly discouraged. There are many risks to a vaginal birth in an identical twin pregnancy and many stars have to align for it to work out. Now, there are similar risks in any pregnancy, but all you’re told about with a twin pregnancy is that you’re going to need a C-section. And to clarify, I was 100% prepared to have a C-section if needed, I just preferred to have a vaginal birth if I could, because that’s all I knew with my other births and the unknown is scary. However, in the end, I just wanted to deliver two healthy baby boys – whether that was C-section or vaginal birth. My point is this: I held a lot of stress about the delivery of my twins for the entire length of my pregnancy.

About two weeks before my delivery date (they wouldn’t let me go beyond 37 weeks with an identical twin pregnancy due to decreased viability of the placenta after 37 weeks), my doctor and I had the conversation: do you want to schedule a C-section or an induction and try for a vaginal birth? Regardless, you deliver in the OR (operating room), because they have to be set up and ready for an emergency C-section if something goes wrong in the vaginal birth.

After hours and hours of agonizing over what was the best thing to do (a combination of what’s ‘safest’ and how we wanted to bring our twins into the world) Lu and I decided to go with an induction – and had the blessing of our doctor, due to my “proven pelvis” (meaning, my pelvis can handle birth, because it had been proven with 2 prior successful vaginal births) and the fact that the babies were the right weight distributions (Baby A was larger) and most importantly, they had both been head down for the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy and most likely weren’t going to budge.

So the day was set: September 7th (at 37 weeks pregnant exactly), in the evening, I would be induced.

False water breaking

On Monday, September 6th at about 1am, I woke up and my pajama shorts and the bed were soaked. Now, I don’t just pee myself and this was an odorless liquid – and a lot of it (I’d say about a 1/2 cup of liquid or more.) I thought it was my water breaking, so we woke up my neighbor upstairs (who had offered to help watch the kids if I went into labor in the middle of the night) and she came downstairs, stayed in our apartment while the kids slept and Lu dropped me off at the hospital. We called my parents and they drove straight over, so that by the time I was getting examined, Lu was back in the hospital with our hospital bag, ready to go!

The midwives did their exam and concluded that my water didn’t break, but it was a burst of cervical fluid, just a sign that my body is ready to go into labor any minute. Ugh! A sleepless night for nothing, but they were happy I came in. They decided to push up my induction to Monday night at 10pm (September 6th instead of September 7th), because my cervix was soft and they thought things would go quickly.

The induction

Monday was tough, we were so exhausted after only getting a couple hours of sleep the night before. I took a 20 minute nap, but there was so much excitement for that evening that it was hard to do anything but think about it. Lu went to work and I tried to rest as much as possible at home. My parents stayed that night, so they were already at our apartment (Lu slept on the couch and I slept in the nursery daybed.) We had all of our ducks aligned and we were ready to go that night!

We drove to the hospital at 10pm and by the time I was in the labor room, it was about 11pm. They did a bunch of blood work, set up my IVs, strapped the dual baby heartbeat monitors on my belly, explained the whole process to me, and told me that at midnight they would start the induction (so that I was ‘officially’ full-term at 37 weeks.)

They started with Cervadil. Cervidil looks kind of like a super thin tampon (with a string hanging out) that they insert vaginally to assist with labor by softening the cervix and preparing it for birth. They told me that it often causes contractions if your body is ready enough, so to prepare for that (mild cramping.) After that, they were going to insert a balloon (again, vaginally) that fills up with water and dilates me to 4 centimeters, after a few hours with the Cervidil.

Well, the Cervidil did its job, and I almost immediately starting cramping. When they came in a few hours later to insert the balloon, it wouldn’t stay in there – I was already at 4cm! At this point, they told me that they’d just let my body continue to do its thing and then start Pitocin (a contraction-inducing drug) to get things really going.

Well, my body got going and when they checked me next to start the Pitocin, I was at 6-7cm. I was laboring on the ball as much as I could, but the baby heartbeat monitors kept falling off and missing the baby’s heartbeats, so they had to put me back on the bed to labor so they could monitor better. That was so hard – it’s pretty excruciating to just lay there in a bed and labor – it’s much easier to move around, use your body, and have Lu help me through the contractions.

The epidural

Once I hit 6-7cm, I asked for the epidural. They said that after they administered the epidural, they’d still start the Pitocin (despite my body doing it on its own so far) because they want to have it in my system so that after I deliver Baby A, my body won’t stop contracting and it’ll keep contracting so Baby B can come out (and the Pitocin would better facilitate those contractions.)

Now, I’ve had two epidurals before (one for each of my births) and I had zero issues – I never felt even a pinch from the numbing shot. I loved my epidurals, they allowed me to relax and enjoy the rest of my labor and then wear off just enough so I could feel things to push my babies out. Well, this was different. Not only did I feel the numbing shot (which was very painful), then, when they inserted the catheter for the epidural, I felt intense pressure and then the sharpest shooting pain that felt like lightning through my legs and back. I screamed in pain, it was the worst acute pain I had ever felt. They stopped after I begged them to and they told me that they had hit a nerve and that’s what that sharp shooting pain.

After the failed catheter insertion, they tried again and it was successful. Phew. The pain started dissipating and then I was feeling groovy! About an hour after the epidural, they started me on the Pitocin and within a few more hours, my contractions were intense (I only felt some slight pressure) and the doctor, around 7:15pm, came to check in on me. He said the whole time my cervix had been very posterior and he did something with his hands (honestly it felt like he put his fingers in my butt, there was so much pressure there), asked me to give him “a good push” and all of a sudden I felt it: the urge to poop! That’s when you know it’s go-time in labor and it’s time to deliver your babies! He said to everyone in the room, “Let’s get her into the operating room, she’s 10cm, it’s time to go!” And he told me it was time to meet the twins.

The operating room: it’s go time!

The operating room was just across the hall. Lu was handed a jumpsuit and a hairnet and told to suit up! Right after he was dressed, they wheeled me into the OR. As the doors flung open like a movie, I looked up and saw these giant bright stadium lights, what seemed like a dozen doctors in the room (there were probably only 6 or so of them, in reality), and everyone just staring at me as they wheeled my bed into the appropriate spot. I immediately burst into tears. Lu said there was a table set up with all of the C-section tools right next to my bed, so if I had seen those, I’m sure the hysterics would’ve been grander. The whole thing was so overwhelming. In my head, I literally said to myself, “Am I going to come out of here with one baby or two? Did I just make a big mistake? Should I ask for a C-section now? Will I end up needing a C-section and have a double recovery?!” I couldn’t see Lu, either, in the rush into the room, so I was looking around for him. He came over to me and held my shoulders and it calmed me down.

The lead doctor delivering me told me not to be scared, it was time to focus and get these babies delivered. The midwives were all like, “It’s okay to feel this way! It’s a lot!” which made me calm down because I giggled a bit – I was always the one on the sports team that wanted to be yelled at – I like tough love and being yelled at as a motivator. All I could focus on was the doctor and he just said, “Are you ready to push?” Honestly, all I could think about was getting those babies out – I was going to be push my absolute hardest and visualize those babies coming right out of me, safely. I closed my eyes and pushed as hard as I could, seeing their little faces with every push.

Within a few minutes, Baby A was out and screaming. I heard Lu next to me (who was holding a leg), “Oh my gosh, that’s incredible.” And I opened my eyes and there he was – Rio, crying loud and clear. They put him right on my chest, which I was so grateful for (another thing I wasn’t sure I’d get to do – immediate skin-to-skin.) The doctors and nurses and midwives were cheering me and singing my praises, saying things like, “I can’t believe how quickly you just pushed that baby out!”

And that’s when I heard the doctor say, “Are you ready to push again?” and at the same time, I felt that urge again and without even thinking about it, I put my arms around Rio, held him to my chest with my chin on his little head, and I push the hardest I’ve ever pushed in my life – I knew that Baby B could flip, I’d need an emergency C-section or worse, placental abruption could happen where the placenta detaches too soon from the uterine walls and suffocates Baby B. I wanted this birth and I was going to have these babies, so I bore down and I pushed and heard, “Oh my gosh, the head!” and then I took one last huge breath in and with all of my might, I pushed for 10 seconds, closing my eyes, holding onto Rio, and saying to myself, “your brother’s coming right behind you!” and after 2 pushes, Sol was born.

Sol was crying too and they put him right on my chest, next to Rio. They both were crying on me, their little arms and legs intertwined on me. Lu just kept saying, “Oh my god, I can’t believe this!” and we just stared at our little baby boys on my chest, as the doctors and nurses sang my praises. In 10 minutes, I vaginally delivered two babies, born three minutes apart – Rio Alan at 7:35pm and Sol Rigo at 7:38pm. Rio weighed 6 pounds and 14 ounces, while Sol weighed 6 pounds and 3 ounces. Both mighty, both absolutely perfect. Our family was instantly complete.

While still in the operating room, they sewed me up (luckily, since the babies were much smaller than any of my other children, I had very minimal tearing so that postpartum recovery has been a breeze!) while they just double checked to make sure the babies were okay. Rio was pretty white, which terrified me at first, but his oxygen was operating at 100%, so it was just the way he was. Sol was very red, which worried me also, but again, they passed all of their tests and were stable, requiring no intervention.

Phew. I had been waiting for this moment for 9+ months. I had no idea how their birth story would end, but it was magical and I am so happy I listened to my intuition and went for a vaginal identical twin birth. Birthing two babies really made me proud of my body, but most importantly, in awe of the female body. I grew two lives inside of me and now, they’re sitting next to me, in their little bassinets, swaddled and warm, about to wake up to nurse to continue to grow from me. It’s all just beautiful.

Unfortunately, the first 5 days postpartum were not magical (they were absolutely terrible), which I’ll cover in another post, but it was all worth it for the safe and healthy delivery of my baby boys. More coming soon!

The post Rio and Sol’s Birth Story (Identical Twins!) appeared first on Inspiralized.

My Favorite Brands for Newborn Baby Clothing

There are so many amazing brands out there for baby and toddler clothing, but I find that when I’m shopping for newborn baby clothing specifically (newborn sizing and that 0-3 sweet spot where they live in zip footies, onesies, and those basics), I stick to the same quality places when I want them in super soft, quality clothing for those first precious months at home.

One-Stop Shops/Easy Go-To Shops (Budget Friendly)

Old Navy– trendier colors and styles than GAP and slightly less expensive.

Gap – for all the basics in all the basic colors like navy, gray, stripes, etc. They still have cute patterns and graphic onesies, but they’re not as hip as other brands and are slightly cornier in their designs and graphics/slogans.

H&M – H&M tends to carry more neutral, hip colors and patterns, so if I want a cooler basic, I’ll shop here. I find that H&M runs slightly larger than Old Navy and Gap. I also love H&M’s matching sets and accessories (I love their colors of socks.)

Amazon – they have great organic brands and of course, you can’t beat the shipping! I’ll often shop here for something last minute or super specific. I love shopping Burt’s Bee’s, Zutano, Moon and Back, and Parade Organics on Amazon.

Spearmint Love – I always check here to shop smaller brands (like many of the ones below), because the owner curates the brands so well. If you like Instagram-worthy prints, outfits, decor, and other accessories, check them out.

Individual Brands and Small Businesses

To be honest, I find a lot of the Gap/Old Navy fabrics don’t last very long and if they are softer, they lose their softness after a few washes. Of course, in the newborn stage, babies grow out of things after a few washes, but I like to invest in quality pieces during this precious stage when my babies are so yummy and delicate.

You may look at some of these prices and be like, $36 for a romper?! Well, I find that these are the clothing items that I have kept for years for my future babies (I still have some of these brands leftover from the newborn stage with Luca that I used on Roma and now will use on the twins – they really last!) So, they’re definitely worth it, because you get more use out of them. I end up spending the $36 on a few Old Navy items anyway, when I could’ve just invested in one good piece.

Also, these are great brands if you’re buying gifts for friends or family who just had a baby! I love finding unique pieces at these brands or specific colors (I don’t find much variation in the ‘usual’ brands like Gap/Old Navy a lot.)

Kyte Baby – love their zip-up footies and neutral colors.
Colored Organics – you can’t go wrong here for the basics, in neutral colors.
Copper Pearl – for swaddle sets and cuter patterns and designs. I also love their newborn top knot hats!
Oliver & Rain – their newborn gowns are so soft.
Magnetic Me – I’ve used these outfits and newborn gowns with all of my children, because they’re so easy – it’s all magnetic! Instead of buttons or zippers, they use magnets. I don’t love their patterns, but you can’t beat the magnets.
Aden and Anais – more than just newborn clothes, but I do love their gowns, their fabrics are so soft.
L’ovedbaby – if you love putting your newborns in kimonos, they make great ones. Their fabrics are super soft, long-lasting, and their basics and natural colors are what I love.
Goumi – this brand has expanded so much over the years, but I love their rompers, footies, and their scratch mitts!
Hanna Andersson – they have it all and they specialize in cute matching family patterns. They always have great sales, so I’m often able to pick up a few extras here.
Lou Lou & Company – if you ever see babies with cute wooden buttons on the front of their rompers or gowns, it’s probably Lou Lou & Company – I love those accents! They are so soft and I don’t sleep on their pacifier clips.
Little Sleepies: my kids only sleep in these pajamas, and I bought a few of their zip footies for the twins/newborns! They’re so gentle and great for umbilical cord healing. Code INSPIRALIZED for 15% off!

Special mention: I just learned about this brand Bonsie Baby, which makes skin-to-skin so much easier! I bought a couple onesies, but I haven’t tried them so I can’t speak to them confidently yet! I’ll update this post once I have tried them.

What are some of your favorite brands for buying newborn clothes?

The post My Favorite Brands for Newborn Baby Clothing appeared first on Inspiralized.

Newborn Baby and Postpartum Must-Haves and Favorites

For a complete list of Registry Essentials, you can find that here. This list is geared more towards surviving those first few weeks and months!

Postpartum Essentials

1. Maternity Joggers – postpartum, you’re not going to want anything tight around your belly. Everything is going to be tender and especially if you’re nursing or pumping, the post-labor contractions are real, as your uterus contracts back to its original size. I find these joggers to be the best.
2. Bravado Nursing Tanks – I’m loving these nursing tanks – they’re easy to nurse in, have a little flattering ruching at the top, and they’re great for layering. I’ve been wearing them in this heat wave, and I feel supported enough when I walk, which says a lot, because I have a big bust.
3. Kindred Bravely Nursing Bras – while I like Bravado nursing bras, I like the Kindred Bravely ones more. The quality of fabric is much better and the sizing is more accurate and expansive. I love the brand, too.
4. Partumcare Undies – what a lifesaver! I ran out of the mesh undies that the hospital gives you and then I realized I had a pair of these that they sent for me to try, and I wish I had tried them sooner! They’re TEN times more comfortable than the mesh undies, washable, breathable, and feel so nice on your skin. I got the high rise ones!
5. Haakka Pump – Both of my children, in the very beginning, would only nurse on one side (one breast), and in the beginning, it was leaving me seriously engorged. It’s basically a suction pump, so you just suction it to your boob and it catches your letdown. Within a few minutes, I get 1.5-2oz! It’s a great way to save up a supply with minimal effort. And for me, since I have an oversupply and a forceful letdown, it helps with her gassiness, because she doesn’t gag on the milk after using the Haakka.
6. Gel Soothies – the best thing for your nipples! The gel soothies have a cooling effect and stick easily to your nipples, they’re the best.
7. Honest Nipple Butter – my favorite nipple butter, it’s so smooth and feels wonderful.
8. FridaBaby Mom Washer – I couldn’t live without this! I had a little bit of tearing (as I did with Luca) and this is infinitely better than the perinatal bottles the hospitals give you – it’s worth every penny. I’ve been using it every single time I pee and it offers pain relief, soothing comfort, and is just easy to use.
9. Just a note – take as much as possible as you can from the hospital: witch hazel pads, hospital pads and underwear (great to have extras), and any other postpartum care items they offer. Ask for extras!

Newborn Essentials

1. Ollie Swaddles (the HALO Swaddles are my second choice, since Ollie are always sold out!) — I like HALO’s muslin swaddles in the summertime for stroller rides and for night time and when we’re at home, the Ollie – you just can’t beat that one!
2. Nest: I gave up on all of the standard baby monitors and we just go straight Nest. I wrote a blog post on how I sync them up to tablets.
3. Copper Pearl Swaddles – if you prefer a swaddle blanket to swaddle your baby instead of a velcro situation, these are the best – the elasticity is amazing!
4. Baby bouncer – so, I didn’t really use this until the babies were at least a month old, but I want to include it here, because it’s really a baby whisperer. When you’re making dinner or need a minute, it’s a life saver, and my kids liked this toy attachment.
5. Strollers – my stroller situation is out of control, because we live in an apartment with a very narrow gate. While we love our Bugaboo Donkey Duo Stroller to handle our toddlers, it’s a pain to get it in and out of our apartment. So, we have alternative options. I’m going to build a blog post solely about this soon, but in the meantime, we are going to use the Uppababy Vista for our twins (I’ve used this stroller with Luca and it’s amazing and the accessories that are made to accompany are so convenient.) For quick trips around the block with all four, we plan to use a combination of the Uppababy Vista, the Zoe Stroller, and the Uppababy G-Link 2. I know, I know. More on this to come, but definitely/obviously add a stroller to your must-have list!
6. HATCH Baby White Noise Machine – this functions as a white noise machine and a night light. I use it every single day, it has so many settings (from lullabies to TV static to birds chirping) and different night light colors for toddlerhood. You can work it via a mobile app or by tapping the settings on the actual machine.
7. Solly Baby Wrap – for the newborn stage, this is an absolute must-have. Once you figure out how to wrap the baby up in it, you can do it within seconds, it’s so comfortable, and it really brings your baby close to you for optimal soothing and skin-to-skin. As the baby gets older, I love Ergobaby carriers, which offer more back support.
8. Guava Lotus Bassinet – I love that this bassinet is built in with a Pack-and-Play, so it’s a two for one! This bassinet is simple, easy to travel with, and you can rock the baby slightly.
9. Live Clean Baby Non-Petroleum Jelly – this is a non-petroleum substitute for Vaseline, and I’ve found that when I don’t use it, Roma gets a little irritation around her diaper area. I feel better knowing it’s petroleum free!
10. Pacifiers – these are the best pacifiers for those wanting to breastfeed, apparently. I’ve used them with both of my kids, and I love the Wubbanubba versions, too.
11. Stroller Fan – for warmer weather climates and months, another product I can’t live without (when we leave the house) are these little rechargeable fans that easily attach (clip on) to the stroller, so we can circulate air in the bassinet and cool the baby down.
12. Travel white noise machine – this was great for stroller rides, and I still use these when we take road trips! Actually, one is by our bed for when Luca comes in our bed in the middle of the night, it soothes him right back to sleep.
13. Dock-a-Tot – definitely probably my #1 essential item. The Dock-a-Tot Deluxe+ is just a safe place to put the baby down, especially when you’re on the couch all day. It’s much safer to put them in the Dock-a-Tot when you have to go to the bathroom or the kitchen or whatever and you know they’re safe and sound. They’re even great for changing diapers (I just put down a little towel first!)
14. Nursing pillow – I loved the My Breast Friend pillow or the Nook Niche pillow the most when they were tiny for the support, and then I enjoyed just using pillows, frankly.
15. Moses Basket – I put the Dock-a-Tot in this basket and put the baby in there for daytime naps next to me on the couch and she sleeps so cuddled and soundly! Sometimes, I just use the basket without the Dock-a-Tot and the babies sleep well, also, but the Dock-a-Tot gives her more snuggly comfort. What I love about this basket is that it’s portable, so when baby’s sleeping and I want to go to a different room, I just bring baby using the basket handles, which I couldn’t do with just the Dock-a-Tot (it squishes when you try to move it).
16. Baby Shusher – I shush my kids to sleep, but after a minute or so, I tire, so I turn this on to sync with my shushing so I can stop shushing. Lots of shushing, but it works so great!
17. Sleep gowns – my kids all lived in these sleep gowns at night and for most of the day until they spit up or had a blow out in them. Then, I changed them into zip onesies!

I hope you find this post useful as you build your registries and prepare for your little bundles of joy to arrive! 

The post Newborn Baby and Postpartum Essentials: The Ultimate List appeared first on Inspiralized.

There is so much that has been on my mind lately, given that we’re expecting twin boys into our lives at the end of this summer. There’s worry, excitement, confusion, and lots of uncertainty. Instead of letting it fester in my head, I figured I’d share it with all of you, in an effort to calm my nerves and also, relate to some of you who are going through similar situations and feelings.

Also, I’m in that early second trimester blissful period, where nothing hurts yet, I have my energy back, I don’t feel sick, and so I’m trying to make as many decisions and plan as much as I possibly can before things get real (which I hear they do more quickly with twins than with singletons!)

Trigger Disclaimer

A huge disclaimer: these are all fortunate concerns to have. I am so grateful and privileged to be given the chance to carry two babies and grow my family. In no way am I complaining, I am simply sharing the typical thought processes a mother goes through when she finds out news like this. I wouldn’t trade these concerns for anything, they make this journey a journey! I want to be empathetic and honest, because I know there are women out there TTC, and I would hate them to be triggered by this post and to come off unappreciative of my fertility. Love to all of the women going through a fertility struggle right now, my love and strength to you.

Twins: So Much Uncertainty!

I think the hardest part about expecting twins is now all of the uncertainty. I go into every appointment wondering what I’ll find out (and praying that everything is well and healthy.) With having mono/di identical twins, there’s a lot of risk. Our types of twins have their own specific risks and thus, I’m considered a high-risk pregnancy. These types of twins are typically born between 35 and 37 weeks (they won’t let me go much past 37 weeks!) I could be induced, I could go into labor naturally, I could need a C-section, I could have a natural birth, the babies could need NICU time or not. Now, yes, these are similar concerns when you’re just having one, but the likeliness of these issues are much higher (and frankly, common) with a twin pregnancy.

I’ve also never had twins before, so there’s just so much to learn, and I’m constantly learning! It’s exciting, which I try to remind myself of – and that it’s such a special privilege to carry two babies. But man, anything could happen at any time and that’s overwhelming, mentally (especially for someone like me, who likes to plan.) This brings me to my next point…. not knowing when these babies are coming makes it harder to prepare for them.

Our Living Situation

I have belabored over this for weeks. Since the moment we found out we were having twins, I haven’t stopped thinking about our living situation. For reference, we live in a pretty large apartment (for city standards) and the living space isn’t the issue (we are blessed with plenty of that, including a main level, a furnished basement, an upstairs, and a backyard space- we found a gem!) The issue are the bedrooms! We are in a 3 bedroom and while we decided early on that we’d move Luca and Roma into a room together, we weren’t sure which room we’d combine them in. Luca’s current room is about twice the size of Roma’s current room. Naturally, we’d put the two big toddlers in the larger room, right?

Well, we need a daybed for the twins’ room (this was so helpful with our singletons and I can only imagine how helpful it will be with the twins) and so after thinking through all of the options and room combinations, I finally just made the decision for my own sanity (and to begin the shuffling process) to put Luca and Roma in Roma’s current room (the smaller room) because there’s enough space for their toys, their clothes, and both of their beds and that’s all they really need.

Also, I think something we often forget about is how things don’t have to be permanent. If we are ready to get rid of the daybed in the twins’ room, I can simply put the twins in the smaller room and put Luca and Roma back in the larger room.

Other things that are worrying me about our living situation is the logistical difficulty of living on multiple levels (which I realize is a common issue if you live in an actual house.) With our other two children, we lived in a single level apartment, so there were no stairs or levels. The thought of maneuvering up and down stairs with delicate twins and having to figure out what gear to have where is an interesting feat. Also, we have very steep, dangerous steps that lead in and out of our garden level entrance. I’m worried about carrying tiny twin newborns in and out, but I’m accepting that that’s probably the least of our problems.

Childcare: Lots of Decisions!

The first concern that popped into my mind when we found out we were having twins was, “How am I going to do this at night?!” As I’ve mentioned before, Lu doesn’t do nights. Now, this isn’t to throw shade at Lu – he is a fantastic father and we’re a great team (we’ve learned how to work together after having two kids!) However, he just does not function like I do on little sleep and he has to be a leader at work (he owns his company and has to be there for his team and he literally is a cranky zombie without sleep) and he’s at a pivotal moment in his business and more than ever, he needs to be alert and sharp.

After discussing the nighttime situation, we found three options: 1) have my mother come and try to help me for a bit, 2) try to do it all myself, or 3) hire a night nurse. After weeks of debating, we finally decided to hire a night nurse for the beginning months and see how it goes. This was a hard decision for me to make (so far, the hardest) because I love the night time with my babies, I love being there for them, and I didn’t feel comfortable with a stranger soothing them over me. I’m hoping to breastfeed so that I can be with the twins in that way, but I simply don’t feel comfortable handling two with zero help at night. This was an emotional decision for me, but once I made it, I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

How’d I come to that decision? Well, first off, my mother is going to come to stay with me to help me, but if we’re both exhausted from being up all night with the babies, how will that work when we’re taking care of them during the day time? I need my mother ‘fresh’ for the daytime to help me, so I can nap a bit to recover from the nights!

Probably the most convincing argument for me was that I have two toddlers that need me. I can’t be so exhausted that I’m sleeping all day and ignoring my toddlers that need me physically, but most importantly, emotionally. Now, I’ll be less tired and have more energy to be with my toddlers when they’re home (and to be there for them for bath and bedtime.)

Another part of the childcare situation is work. I work full-time, so I have a nanny that comes during the day to take care of Luca and Roma so that Lu and I can work. Since having Roma and the pandemic, I’m much more fluid now, and I divide my time during the day between work and being with my kids. Now, I don’t expect my nanny to take care of two newborn twins and two crazy toddlers by herself. Side note and fun fact: she has fraternal twin boys! Instead, I’m going to need to figure out a balance with work and being a mother. More to come on this, but what will be helpful is that Luca and Roma will be in school from 8:30 to 11am every day, so I’ll have that time solo with the twins and then, I’m hoping to switch off and take Luca and Roma in the afternoons (after nap) and my nanny can take care of the twins. Basically, I’ll have to transition from full-time to part-time once the twins are born.

I’m sure this will just be a go with the flow situation, but this is how we’re mentally preparing for it and it’s good to have some semblance of a plan.

The Gear?!

Woof. We gave my sister (pregnant and due end of May!) all of our baby gear, because we figured we were most likely done with having children and if we decided to have kids, we’d just take it back from her after she was done with it. Well, we got pregnant and she moved to Florida!! So now, instead of buying one extra of everything, we have to start from scratch. Luckily, many of the brands I’ve worked with in the past have been offering to help me out, so I’m grateful for that help, but it’s pretty overwhelming.

However, I’ve had to rethink our stroller situation. We have a very narrow entrance to our apartment and after almost a full year of jamming our side-by-side stroller through our entrance (it’s such a pain, we have to sometimes to take it apart to get it through our entrance!), I’ve decided to go with a different brand of stroller and do the top stacking strollers. Also, I’ve found a triple stroller for when I take out the twins and Roma (Luca will be almost 4 and old enough where he can be on a scooter or a kickboard!)

Then there’s the question of: do I need to get extra sets of things (like a nursing station) for the main level and the upstairs level (with the nursery)? I don’t want to have to lug everything up and down, especially when I’m having to lug up two babies! Needless to say, I need to build a very focused registry this time around! And any and all tips are welcomed from those who live in 2-3 story homes as well!

The final bit of gear will be the car situation. We still haven’t figured this bit out, because Lu is convinced that we don’t need a second car and that for the few times we go anywhere with the whole family, we can make it work. Right now, we have a car with 3 rows and captain seats, but when the third row is up, the trunk space is tiny and it’s difficult to get back to that third row to put toddlers in the seats. We’re definitely minivan-bound, but I think that we’re going to wait until we live in a home where we can have an easier time with two cars and when we need to drive everywhere (right now, everything but Target is just a stroll away.)

We plan on spending one of these weekends soon testing out the car seat situation and seeing if it is truly feasible. I’ll keep you posted!

Gathering Resources

Something I’ve started to do that has made me feel better is gathering resources and reading a lot about twin pregnancy, birth, and postpartum life. I’ve started following twin mothers on Instagram, watching YouTube videos on twin births and videos that feature logistical life with twins (ha!) and that has made me feel much more equipped and mentally ready. I’ve watched countless tandem nursing videos and have researched all about NICU life and how to prepare for that.

While I know how to take care of babies, I don’t know how to take care of more than one at the same time and that part has been overwhelming and uncertain for me, so connecting with people online, reaching out and asking questions, and then just doing research (love Twiniversity!) and watching videos has been tremendously helpful.

Learning To Let Go Of Previous Experiences and Accepting New Ones

Having twins is an absolute blessing, and I’m so excited to see Roma and Luca see their baby brothers for the first time. Our house will always be the fun, loud, lively house, and holidays will always be joyous and vibrant.

Despite this joy, there are singleton pregnancy/baby things that I’m already grieving. I’ve had to shift my mindset to “I’m sad I won’t be able to do it this way again” and instead focus on the parts of being a twin mom that I’m not even aware of yet that will be so special (like, seeing them communicate in their own language, seeing them hold hands during a feeding session, staring at two beautiful baby boys side by side, etc.)

However, I can’t help but ignore these feelings, and I’m feeling sadness around certain memories of singleton newborn life.

For example, like having to give up baby wearing both my babies in skin-t0-skin wraps (for example, the Kaola-type shirts or a Solly Baby wrap that’s thin.) I’m aware there are dual baby carriers, but it’s more difficult (and heavy!) having to carry two babies at once. I loved just wrapping up my baby and going about my day. That won’t be as easy and if both babies are fussing and want to be held, I know I’ll feel sad that I can’t just quickly wrap them both up on me. I’ve already put this Weego Twin baby carrier on my list! And I know that when I am wearing both of them, it’ll be double the love in my heart.

Nursing is a big unknown and I’m having all the worries about whether or not I’ll be able to nurse them both, tandem feed, the whole thing. If the twins are born super early and have to be in the NICU, I’ll have to pump and try to make that work. I think just knowing that it will be a journey and not so black and white like it was for both of my other kids is comforting (I like to be mentally prepared!) I’m sad that I won’t have that easy “oh, just pop the baby on the boob!” moments if both of the babies are fussing. I think I’m underestimating how many times one of the twins will need me when the other is totally fine, and I’m leaning into that and hoping it will all even out. I just can feel the guilt seeping it now!

The birth experience. I’ve had long talks with mamas about this and I have to accept that I’ve had two beautiful, vaginal, uncomplicated births and I should be thankful for those and look at this third birth as a different experience. Having a c-section worries me for many reasons, but hearing stories of other mamas and their uncomplicated c-sections and all the benefits of c-section birth has me feeling better about it. I think the biggest scare for me is having no control! Can you tell I like to control and plan ahead as much as possible? I’m learning to let go, I promise! And to be clear, I don’t see vaginal births as any “better” than c-sections (a birth is a birth to me, the hardest part is cooking the baby for 9+ months, not the birth!) It’s just a total unknown territory to me, and I know that it’s very likely. Mostly, I’m worried about the physical recovery, having two active  toddlers at home.

How I’m Feeling About Having Twin Boys, Specifically

When I announced that I was having boys, many of you asked, “What do you think about having two more boys?!” Well, first off, I think as long as my babies are healthy, I don’t care if they’re male, female, or otherwise. I just want healthy! But of course, I have thoughts on having two more boys!

When we found out we were having identical twins, I knew the genders would be the same (because they have identical DNA, which is wild!) When we found out they were boys, my initial thoughts were, “That’s going to be a LOT of energy to handle!” because in our personal experience, boys are much crazier (energy-wise) than girls. Now, I have friends who have timid, gentle boys and whacky girls, so it could go either way with the twins. But over the years, as hard as high-energy Luca can be at times, he is an absolute blast and we’re all always laughing. To me, having two more boys means that we’ll always be the fun house. When Roma brings her friends over, there will always be something fun going on, and I love the thought of that.

I love thinking that Roma and I will bond even more strongly, now that we’ll be the only two females in the house! I definitely competed with my sister for the attention of my mother, and it’ll be kind of nice not to have to divide that female attention two ways, haha! I love that she’ll be the Princess of the house, and I can just see her running the show. I smile just thinking of the moments where she’s having a tough day emotionally and her brothers come to her rescue, make her laugh, and make her forget her troubles. It’s also fun to think of all the boys in school together (there’s a good chance that will happen, if I can bring these babies to full twin term!) and I can’t wait for all of the sports games where Roma and I are cheering on her bigger brother and her little brothers on the field! And vice versa – I was the captain of the lacrosse team in high school, and I get emotional thinking of her brothers cheering her on loudly in the stands or wherever she may excel!

From what I’ve been told, girls who grow up with all brothers tend to be more easy-going, can deal with anything, and know how to ‘manage’ men, haha! And the brothers have sweet soft spots and are kind and loving because of their protective nature over their sister growing up.

Also, there’s one thing that immediately comes to mind, thinking of Roma’s brothers. My relationship with my brother. I’ve never had a relationship with my brother, and all I know is disconnection. When we were young and in elementary and middle school, I have bad memories. I actually don’t have a single good memory with my brother, which is very sad. What I want for Roma is for her to have a positive, strong relationship with her brothers. I’m looking forward to seeing the brotherly-sisterly dynamic between Roma and her brothers.

It’ll also be hilarious to see Roma try to date! There’s going to be a thick layer of brothers to get through first! Needless to say, she’s in good hands. I’m happy it worked out that Roma is sandwiched in the middle age-wise, so she’ll always be able to relate to her brothers. The twins and Roma will be 26-27 months apart, whereas Roma and Luca are 21 months apart!

The Big To-Do List

Here’s what my to-do list looks like right now:

1. Wean Roma off her pacifier (I don’t want any confusion when the babies come and they’re using pacifiers.) My goal is to have her weaned by age 2!
2. Potty train Roma (she’s definitely ready, I just need to find the time to do it, and will use the same method I used with Luca.)
3. Plan a little “babymoon” (we’re thinking just a weekend in Montauk while my parents watch the kids!)
4. Build our baby registry (I just need to sit down and do the research/talk to twin moms to decide what I need. Some things have such long shipping times because of COVID!)
5. Go through everything we do have for the newborn/infant stage to make sure we don’t buy duplicates. Like, I still have a zillion baby blankets and swaddles, haha!
6. Move Luca and Roma into the same room (hoping to start this in early June!)
7. Prepare the twins’ nursery (probably will start this after I transition Luca and Roma, so mid June.)
8. Pack a hospital bag!

Thanks for reading this post, and I hope for some of you who have been having similar situations, you found it relatable! 

The post Life Lately: Expecting Twin Boys and All The Thoughts appeared first on Inspiralized.

Our Crib to Bed Transition and Quiet Time With Our Toddler

For as active and physically able as Luca is, we didn’t need to transition him from a crib until he was almost 3 and a half years old. A month before he was going to be 3.5, he climbed out of the crib. We knew the day would come, but since he’s a very independent, often defiant, brave little boy, we were dreading the transition from crib to bed, because we thought that meant we’d never have our nights and that Luca would be running up and down the stairs all night.

And then, a couple months later, he decided he didn’t want to nap anymore and so, we had to transition to quiet time. It all sort of came at once, and I was surprised it didn’t happen sooner, but I wasn’t asking any questions! In today’s blog post, I’m going to share how we did it all.

A note: There’s not one-size-fits-all way to do anything. Do what works best for your family, because you and your child are unique individuals. I’m just simply sharing what worked for us! 

Transitioning from Crib to Bed

In Luca’s room, there has always been a daybed. We put the daybed in his room when he was born so that we could have my mom stay with us for a couple weeks after he was born and help. Also, we always knew we’d want it just for play time, rough sleep nights, and then eventually, a bed when he transitioned. We also would read books with him in it. The daybed is from West Elm, bought 4 years ago, and it came with a Casper mattress (which is so comfortable, I debated whether or not to buy one for us!)

Luca is a very physically able kid, he can climb on the “big kids” parks no problem (the ones designed for 5+ year olds) and he can hang and swing on monkey bars. He’s dribbled a soccer ball up and down a field before he turned 2. That’s why, I was amazed that it took him so long to climb out of his crib – maybe he just accepted that that is where he slept? He’s pretty tall and always has been, so I’m also surprised he didn’t feel uncomfortable enclosed and wanted more space spooner. Alas, we didn’t ask questions and were prepared to keep him in there forever! Okay, not forever.

One day, he was fighting nap time (a few months after turning 3) and he kept jumping up and down and finally, he put one leg over and he climbed out! I ran upstairs and he just hopped out of the crib like a sphinx! That’s when I knew we had to convert the crib to a toddler bed. So, we converted it (he has the Babyletto Hudson crib which is convertible and now we’re using it for Roma.)

We included Luca on the conversion, told him our expectations (how he has to stay in the bed, etc.) He seemed excited to be in the big boy bed! And yes, at this point, he was night (potty) trained. You can read more about our potty training process here.

That first night we were so nervous. I was preparing for the worst! But there were no issues! He went right to bed. He didn’t follow us out of our room once. We thought we were  the best parents, ever! “That was easy” we thought. In general, I do think that parents over-stress and over-analyze “transitional” moments and milestones. It’s usually easier than you imagined it would be (like removing the pacifier.) The first few nights were easy peasy.

Then, after week one, we had a difficult couple of weeks. Difficult as in he would come out of his bed almost immediately. Sometimes we’d forget to close the baby gate at the top of the stairs and we’d find him peeking his head out at the bottom of the stairs. Cute, but not cute. We would simply sternly tell him, “Luca, it’s time for sleep, let’s go back to your bed.” He would give us 92034 reasons why he didn’t want to go to sleep and we would keep saying, “You had a nice day, it’s time to rest so we can play again tomorrow.” And would not say anything to entertain his ideas. We just kept to our script and let him know he couldn’t get through our wall. We had to do this no more than two times (walk him back to his room.)

The next week, we started prepping him early in the night time process. We’d say, “Okay, we’re going to go take a bath, get in our jammies, read some books, go potty, say goodnight, and then you’re going to get in your bed and stay there and sleep.” That helped a lot. Then, we decided to offer him the “really” big boy bed (the day bed.) He seemed excited about that, especially because we were reading him books in that bed before putting him in his crib-converted bed. We used these bumpers on the side of his bed for safety.

After we set him in his big boy daybed, he stopped coming out of his bed. There will be a few nights here and there, but overall, he understands it now and stays in there. And it’s so precious to see them sleeping in their big beds. There’s something so precious about their little bodies in a bed and not a crib. Definitely a sweet parenting moment.

Nap Time to Quiet Time

By no means am I an expert on this transition (or any transitions, for that matter), but I’m simply going to share what worked for us! Now, I had never heard of “quiet time.” I just figured that when your toddler stops napping, you stop getting a break, haha!I follow @biglittlefeelings on Instagram and they posted a feature on quiet time and I was like, “Oh, what great timing! I think I’m going to need that soon!” They still have a highlight icon for it, so you should check out.

Basically, the idea is that when your toddler drops a nap, they’re still tired and they still need time to unwind, relax, and it’s also just very important to them at this age to have independence and know how to entertain, soothe, and rest themselves. Quiet time basically gives them a little bit of “me time.”

So when did I start quiet time? I started quiet time the moment he refused a nap. After 30 minutes of going up and down the stairs, trying to keep him in his bed and convincing him it was time for a nap, I knew the naps were coming to an end. Instead, I said, “Okay, you don’t need to nap, but you need to have some quiet time.” And then I explained to him, “During quiet time, you can play in your room, but you need to be quiet because you need to rest. When quiet time is done, Mommy will come and get you.” I aim to have him in his room for 90 minutes.

For the first few times (the first week) of quiet time, I started by putting him in his bed with some books and a bed-friendly activity (like some cars or something that you can play easily with while lying down or on your side.) I tried to keep these toys “novel” (I would bring a toy from downstairs up into his room and then bring it back downstairs afterwards.) I don’t recommend buying anything new because then you’ll get stuck in a trap of always having something new!

Quiet time worked out…. okay. He would really only stay there for 20 minutes and then he’d yell at the top of the stairs for us. Or, he would just make a raucous so we’d have to go upstairs and check on him. But we just stood firm. And we would reiterate what quiet time was. Sometimes, I’d lay out a blanket for him to play on with a pillow.

Then, I brought out the countdown timer. One day, before quiet time, I said, “Okay, we’re going to do quiet time a little differently today. Today, once quiet time is almost done, Mommy is going to come upstairs and set your timer so you can see how much time is left! When the timer goes off, you can come downstairs!”  He loved this and would get so excited when the timer would go off, he had this look of accomplishment on his face!

Ever since we started with the timer, he loves quiet time. He loves it so much that now, he even falls asleep during quiet time! Depending on the kind of day he had (super active or if it’s a rainy day where he’s mostly inside) he will put himself to sleep. I think it’s beautiful to watch him know what his body needs. Also, I think with toddlers, they hate being told what to do and once I took the pressure off, he realized, “Ya, I do need to sleep sometimes!”

Quiet Activities for Quiet Time

If you’re stumped on what to put in you child’s room for quiet time, here are some ideas:

• Engaging books, like lift-the-flap books (sometimes my son doesn’t think to reach for these, because they’re away in the book shelf, but simply taking them out and putting them out makes them new!)
• Puzzles
• Magnet boards (we have a similar one to this)
• Any new toy that isn’t typically in their room – for example, we keep his Magnatiles in the basement, but sometimes we bring them up to his room for this purpose.
• Coloring books with crayons, Mess-free ink books, and magic stampers
• Stickers
• Duplo blocks or Magnatiles
• Cars (if your kid’s into that!)

A Note On The Quiet Time Transition

I’ll end with this. I often find that parents will say, “How do you get him to stay in there for 90 minutes?!” Well, it takes time and being stern and not backing down, even when you’re exhausted of walking him back in his room 20 times. Keep doing it and eventually it will click! I find that if you show a little leniency, kids will recognize that and it’s over. If you’re two weeks in and you’re ready to give up and just hand him the iPad on the couch (which is totally cool too and definitely “quiet time”!), just give it a few more days. Stand and stay firm!

I hope you found this post helpful! I’d love to know any more of your tricks and tips for quiet times.

The post Our Crib to Bed Transition and Quiet Time With Our Toddler appeared first on Inspiralized.

Tips and Essentials for Very Long Road Trips with Toddlers (During Covid)

Before I begin this blog post, please consult the CDC website for COVID precautions and recommendations before traveling. This is not a blog post trying to encourage you to travel during COVID. Rather, this is a blog post on how to survive very long road trips with toddlers – and it happens to be during COVID, so I’ll include some tips on that!

Now that we have that out of the way, yes, I’ve done multiple road trips to Florida from New Jersey and back. It has taken between 19 and 20 hours, depending on how long our stops for potty breaks/food are and how traffic was. You may be wondering why we didn’t split this trip up into two days. Well, first off, we took these trips during COVID and the whole reason we were making the drive in the first place was because we wanted to reduce our risk of contracting COVID while traveling. To us, a hotel visit only increases your risk!

Also, I just wanted to rip the proverbial Band-Aid off – why make something into two days when you can do it in one and power through it? For us, the thought of getting the kids into a hotel, unpacking a bit, and trying to get them to sleep in a new place and then waking up and repacking back the car and all of that was more headache. I’d rather do the drive in one day and wake up in Florida!

Safety Precautions

Before I get into the logistics/schedule and all of that good stuff, I wanted to share some safety precautions we took.

• We got negative COVID tests before we left.
• We wore masks every time we had to leave the car (to pump gas, to go to the bathroom)
• We brought hand sanitizer and disinfectant wipes and used them as needed (the wipes were used to wipe down the steering wheel and the indoor handles of the car.)
• We avoided rest stops for potty breaks, because we found that they were usually much more crowded than a gas station (at a gas station, we rarely saw 1 person other than the person at the counter.)
• We washed our hands anytime we used the bathroom, of course – and with Luca, we just made sure he literally didn’t touch anything and if he did, we washed his hands and used hand sanitizer afterwards.
• We packed all of our meals, so we wouldn’t need to stop in anywhere to buy food. We did stop once at a drive-through Starbucks and were super careful to wipe down the coffee cups (which probably wasn’t necessary, but we were being extra cautious.)

The schedule

The night before we left, we packed the car with everything possible except for the food. Our goal was to start our engine at 4:00am. So, we woke up at 3:30am, got dressed, poured our to-go coffees, and Lu put the food in the car and left the car running to warm up. We also set up travel noise machines in the back seat, next to both of their car seats, so it would be the same white noise sounds as they have while they sleep in their beds/cribs.

Then, we went to get the kids. To do this, we simple grabbed them out of a deep sleep (I had to unzip Roma’s sleep sack, which was cumbersome and mostly woke her up), wrapped them in warm blankets, and carried them out to the car, put them in their car seats, and covered them with their blankets. And off we went!

Before I show you the rest of the schedule, I just want to say this: the most important part of all of this is prepping your kids verbally. By this, I mean explaining everything ahead of time, so they’re not surprised and then they remember what you told them and they act accordingly. For example, every night Luca went to sleep for two weeks before we left, I told him “the road trip story” where I walked him through everything from the 4am wakeup to the 11pm arrival in Florida. Roma was a bit harder, because she was younger, but it made everything so much better, because Luca understood every step of the way what to expect and what to do.

Here’s a general schedule after that:

• 7-7:30am: the kids wake up. I gave Roma her milk and a toy to keep her quiet while her brother finished sleeping.
• 7:45am: potty break and gas at a gas station and breakfast, which we eat in the back of the car (sitting on what little trunk space there is, since it’s fully packed!) I change Roma’s diaper. We let them wiggle their legs and kind of run around a bit.
• 10am: Snack break – this snack was something that was safer to give in a car seat (blueberries and Cheerio’s.) They didn’t leave their seats for snack, I sat in the back with them as they had it.
• 12:30pm: Lunch, potty break, and gas stop. Another diaper change and another little run around the car to get their wiggles out for 10 minutes. We usually put on a song and dance.
• 1-2:30/3pm: Nap time! For this, we simply put some relaxing music on (like Jack Johnson) and the white noise machines, cuddle them up in blankets and jack up the air conditioning. Before nap time, we simply say, “Ok, just like when we’re in our apartment, we take a nap after lunch. Now it’s nap time, so get comfy and go to sleep.” And we tell them that before lunch, too – “Okay, we’re going to have lunch and then afterwards, we’re going to get back in the car and take a nap!” Roma doesn’t nap as well in the car as Luca does, but she takes at least a 1 hour nap.
• 4:30pm: Quick gas station stop with potty break and snack.
• 6:15pm: Stop for gas, final potty break, dinner, and some more wiggles out.
• 7 to 10:45pm: The final stretch, the kids fall asleep around 7:30/8:30pm.

The Toddler Entertainment

Yes, yes, these kids watched a lot of shows and videos during this 19 hour car ride. I’m not going to sugar coat it, it’s unsurvivable without screen time. Both of our iPads have data plans, so we didn’t have to necessarily pre-download any shows and also, a lot of their favorite shows are on YouTube (like Super Simple Songs or Songs for Littles for Roma and Blippi for Luca.) We leaned into the usuals – Peppa Pig, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Daniel Tiger, and even some movies, but for whatever reason, my kids aren’t that into movies, they much prefer quick shows.

But I definitely didn’t just stick them with iPads and let them zone out the entire trip. I tried to strike a balance, because my kids also get super cranky and fidgety if they’re doing physically doing something and just zoning out on TV. They like to be stimulated, so I make sure to try my best to entertain them myself and then when they start to cry or whine or demand too much of me, they get the iPad! You know your children best and their thresholds, but the worst thing you can do is overdo the iPad so that when you actually need it (like when you’ve just had ENOUGH!)

So, other than the iPads, this is some of the other entertainment I provided: (and I say “I” instead of “we” because Lu drives the entire time and doesn’t have to entertain the kids!) Also, keep in mind that this list is going off all of the trips I took, so I didn’t take ALL of this with me, maybe about half of this list per trip:

• Singing together to music – just playing music in the car and singing together can be great entertainment. It takes a lot out of you, but burns a good chunk of time. We love songs that involve moving your hands, like “Wheels on the Bus” or something like “Old MacDonald” with different parts of the song to act out.
• FaceTime – okay, this is kind of like screentime, but when in doubt, call Grammy and Pops. Or Aunts and Uncles, cousins, anyone! We called our nanny! They can hold the phone and our family is pretty good about being patient and talking to them.
• Books – we don’t pack too many books, but a couple new books can be exciting, especially when they’re being read to. Otherwise, great lift-the-flap books or touch-and-feel books are good for all ages. Luca’s into scratch-and-sniff books, like this one.
• Sensory toys – by this, I mean toys that are basically like fidget toys that they can just manipulate with their hands and explore. The ones we brought:
  • Bendable tubes
  • Play Doh, always a hit.
  • Pop bubble sensory toy, great for finger strength
  • Playfoam, but it has to be supervised!
  • Stretchy string
  • Wikki Stix – we play a lot with these at home, so my kids know how to manipulate them, but it’s also great to play int he backseat with them, making them bracelets and things.
• Stickers – this one’s pretty obvious, but if your kid loves stickers, stickers are great! I bought puffy stickers, which are their favorite and themed to things like they love (animals for Roma, cars for Luca.) Also, I used this trick by Busy Toddler so they wouldn’t need my help to peel.
• Magnetic drawing board – this is more for Luca, but Roma played with it a bit too.
• Paper and crayons
• Toys – it can be hard to find toys that are appropriate for the car seat and can be played with independently, but we generally stuck with smaller toys, like cars and little figurines. Some other toys included:
  • This push up toy for Roma, it’s a little large, but she really enjoyed it.
  • Mr. Potato Head, they both loved this.
  • Buckle toy
  • A doll
• Games –
  • These were a hit, I remember these as a child, they were so fun and really great for fine motor skills and finger strength.
  • This is more of a puzzle, but Luca really liked this magnetic game.
  • I Spy!

I try not to sit in the back the entire time, because then they start depending on you to keep them occupied, and I find that if they’re just back there together, they either entertain each other or are better entertaining themselves. One of the questions I had was “what kind of car do you drive?” We currently drive an Audi Q7, but the trunk space is subpar and it’s a bit tight, BUT I can sit somewhat comfortably between the two car seats in the backseat, so that’s good. Just not a lot of stretching out room!

The Adult Entertainment

Okay, that sounds weird, haha. For us, I’m honestly entertaining the kids for pretty much the whole time, but we switch off listening to podcast episodes. The last time we drove, we talked openly about everything in our marriage we wanted to work on. We talked about that while the kids napped. Once I found a 20 questions list and I read that to Lu and we chatted. But in general, time flies between entertaining the kids, stops, food, and the podcast episodes.

The logistics in the car

Some random logistics:

• For all the play in the car, including screentime, we bought these little trays/desks which was super helpful, especially when coloring or playing with a toy with several parts.
• We bought this handheld potty for Luca for emergencies (like if he was about to pee his pants, but we couldn’t find a safe place to stop). He actually never used it, but we had him practice on it before we left and he loved it, so we knew it was a good backup.
• Invest in a good portable charger, like this one – for phones, noise machines, and most importantly, iPads!

Also, obviously, this trip takes a lot of strategic packing. I had a series of bags that were filled with appropriate things:

• I had a “changing and essentials bag” which had the white noise machines, my kids’ First Aid stuff (Tylenol, Band Aids, etc), Roma’s changing stuff/diapers, and a change of clothes.
• I had the meals bag, which just had all of our meals in it (it was a freezer bag, which actually kept the food chilled the whole trip.) That bag lived in the trunk.
• I had the Snack Bag – which was a smaller bag that just had all of the snacks and waters.
• I had the entertainment bag – which held all of the toys.
• I had my bag, which had all of my chargers, my phone, hand sanitizer, Lu and I’s snacks, etc.

Food – Snacks and Meals

For snacks, we didn’t take the kids out of the car seats, so I sat int he back with them as they ate and we kept it simple – small cut up fruit, Annie’s Bunnies, and things like that. Oh, and lollipops of course!

For all of the meals, I served it to them in our Bentgo lunch boxes and after each meal, I’d wipe it out so that for the next meal, I could refill it. So each time they ate a meal, it was nice and contained – and they love those Bentgo boxes!

Meal ideas:

• Leftovers (we ordered pizza the night before we left, so I gave them leftover pizza!)
• Roasted veggies (sweet potatoes and broccoli hold up well)
• Chickpea salad sandwiches or chickpea salad with crackers
• Yogurt sticks with fruit and granola
• Breakfast was always blender muffins and fruit
• Banana bread and fruit and Cheerios (er, Cascadian Farms’ Purely O’s)
• Grilled cheese sandwich
• Ham and cheese roll-ups
• Quesadillas with black beans

And yes, we eat the same things as the kids – nothing fancy! One trip I had grilled chicken that I was going to have to throw away, so I made Lu a chicken panini for the road. We eat everything chilled!

Did I miss anything? If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment below.

The post Tips and Essentials for Very Long Road Trips with Toddlers (During Covid) appeared first on Inspiralized.